Is this normal parenting behavior for JWs?

by oppgirl63 32 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  blondie

  Crumpet, remember I started out saying that regional and cultural norms is what I see is the biggest factor not the timeline. Every time I ask a non-JW why they are hitting (swatting) their child in front of me, they say their parents, grandparents all did it, that it is the way they saw children raised. People come into the WTS and bring those things with them and nothing in the WTS influences them to change. I believe in some sort of discipline but I don't believe in hitting. After all, what would happen if my supervisor hit me with a flyswatter every time I made a mistake?

  I have turned in JWs and non-JWs to child services. I have also seen that many JWs were not comfortable about the hitting either but felt the "elders" would handle it...as they do with many other situations.

  I sat back in the "spanking" room as an adult due to my disabilities and saw who came back and how many times at the meetings. It seemed to be the same ones. Interestingly, after I would say something to a parent, the trips back to that room decreased. Next call was to CS.

  Blondie
• 

  misanthropic

  jeez, some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids.
• 

  DJK

  was excessive and not appropriate for a child with a learning disability.

  Absolutely Oppgirl. In this case the parent needs help. He/she may not have been raised in an abusive childhood. There might be some inner anger of having a child with a disability and you would be doing the parent, and the child, a favor by reporting it. This parent's problem will not go away by itself. The childs problem is the parent.

  Crumpet and Blondie both make a good point. Here's my point, child abuse, regardless of any religion your raised in, (bluntly saying) creates fucked up people like me. (No reference intended to anyone on the board) I admit it, I have dealt with it and I did not raise my children that way. They (all five) are happy and living well because I didn't raise them they way I was raised. Not everyone will raise their children, without the strap or stick, the way they were raised. Then, the abuse continues.
• 

  dawg

  Those that require an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth, usually walk around blind and hungry. Someone should turn that lady into DFACS
• 

  oppgirl63

  I'm going to try to do this without my rommate knowing. But I've got to find out from her who this person was. I don't want her to suffer any consequenses at the KH because I did this. Or should I just ask my roomate who the person was and then tell her what I'm going to do about it.
• 

  rebel8

  "spare the rod, spoil the child" was constantly recited in my NY cong in the '70s-'80s.
  
  Parents using a flyswatter would have been mocked until they got a harder weapon, criticized for sparing the rod. Those who kept spanking well into the teens and even twenties were lauded as being most righteous. I got "spanked" on my high school graduation day and I held my jw mother's arms back, saying, "never again". Tales were told of one elder's daughter who got spanked on her wedding day.
  
  Even if spanking is the norm for jws in your area, it is psychologically and physically unhealthy for the child, IMO.
  
  PS-IMO you should do whatever results in finding out the identity of the abuser. I would think your report to the authorities would remain confidential.
• 

  dawg

  I know oyu don't want to hurt your roomate, but this isn't about her... if you can do it without harming her then that's the best way; but the die is cast... chances are anomous calls to DFACS in your area will revel bruses on this poor innocent child and hopefully will get the mother much needed councling.
• 

  DJK

  Oppgirl, she won't suffer any consequenses from the KH. They will no doubt support her. The witnesses will come up with a number of reasons for discipline and the forms of discipline used are never criticised by them. They have reformed somewhat recently because of local laws and it's a shame they do it because they have to.

  You speak of a child with a diminished mental capacity. Ask yourself, "What does a child learn from punishment in that state of mind?" Nothing. It is evident the parent is using the child as a punching bag when they get angry. You have acknowlegded that this is wrong and that puts you many steps above this parent. If your friend is a true friend she will not hold any grudge against you. Tell your friend that this a matter concerning a metally handicapped child and religion has no role in it.
• 

  2112

  When I was in, my wifes son 3 at the time we married, was a typical boy. But being to faithful witness I wanted him to sit perfectly still and not make a sound for two plus hours. Ofcourse he could not so I would take him out and spank him. This went on for about a year but I never felt right about it. I was spanked as a child so I thought I was doing right. But when some elders would start to tell me to hit him harder and mor often, I just stoped. To this day he is a good boy, well man, and he does not hold it aginst me or even say I was wrong. But I many times still cry when I think about what I did, and it has been over 15 years.

  I tell him often i am sorry he just hugs me and says it ok. He is a good boy.
• 

  bernadette

  Spanking children, at the meetings, hard enough so tha they cry loudly is very much a practice in our area too - it has always been like that. I have been associated with 3 congregations and this has been true at all three. In the second school in the toilets and outside the kh.

  There was one disfellowshipped person who used to make a note every time a mother spanked her child - don't know what he did with his info as he never got re-instated. Hopefully he reported all the goings on to the authorities.

  bernadette