disfellowshipping procedure

by Hangin_on 20 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Hangin_on
    Hangin_on

    I don't understand the whole disfellowshipping procedure, I thought I did at one time but now I don't

    I was DF'd for leaving my wife and taking someone else as my wife so I am in an adulterous marriage. That is a prime example of an action that requires dfing.

    However it has been 3 years, I have written 3 - 4 letters. It takes them 3 - 6 months to get back to me. One week after our last meeting which was 2.5 months ago I asked for another meeting with them and they said yes. But no matter how many times I ask them they say they are going to meet with me but they drag it out for months and months.

    Isn't my life important to them or to Jehovah?

    At first I saw the DFing procedure as something that would make me correct my way of thinking and turn around. I have been regularly attending the meetings for 3 years and its been so long that I am bitter and have a broken spirit...

    Has anyone else had a similar experience or has reinstatement been a cut and dry thing? I just feel like I'm being jerked around

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    Your life isn't as important to them, as their rules are. In their ever going effort to keep the congregation 'clean' they are worried how it will look re-instating you. By you marrying another person that puts a spin on things. At a guess the questions they are pondering are: Is your ex-wife (the injured party in their eyes) still single? How is your meeting attendance? Your wifes? Is your new wife a witness? And last but most relevent, how do they perceive or judge you? While they claim that only god judges, it is a fact that elders take it as their duty to sit in the judgement seat here on earth over their 'brother's'.

  • Hangin_on
    Hangin_on

    my current wife was a witness and is also dfed... my meeting attendance is better than the elders on my comittee. My ex wife doesnt come to meetings anymore, has had live in boyfriends (im sure they dont know about this though) and had oral with someone before I married my current wife but after I cheated on her, and she got publicly reproved. I take responsibility for my actions but I was 22, my current wife was 18.... we were young and stupid, we made a mistake, why can't they be merciful.

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    Disfellowshipping is one of the most damaging practices of the Watchtower Society and a clear indication to most normal people that JWs are false religion.

    It is very common for a person that committed adultery to go through the same that you do. This seems to be because disfellowshipping is used for punishment rather than correction. Elders feel that if you marry another person and appear to be in a better position than before you can not possibly be repentant. Therefore long time passes before reinstatement to punish you.

    Of course this is unchristian. The Bible does not discuss any reinstatement procedure. It says in 1 Cor that a person who is a sinner should not be socialised with, not that elders need to judge a person repentant and then make formal announcements before people can associate with them.

  • jwfacts
    jwfacts

    Disfellowshipping is one of the most damaging practices of the Watchtower Society and a clear indication to most normal people that JWs are false religion.

    It is very common for a person that committed adultery to go through the same that you do. This seems to be because disfellowshipping is used for punishment rather than correction. Elders feel that if you marry another person and appear to be in a better position than before you can not possibly be repentant. Therefore long time passes before reinstatement to punish you.

    Of course this is unchristian. The Bible does not discuss any reinstatement procedure. It says in 1 Cor that a person who is a sinner should not be socialised with, not that elders need to judge a person repentant and then make formal announcements before people can associate with them.

  • Stealth453
    Stealth453

    Dude...run as fast and as far as you can....and enjoy your new wife.

  • sammielee24
    sammielee24

    First off - why do you believe that your life is important to them? Is that belief all important to you? Why?

    In the JW world, you are only accepted by them if you are one of them. A df'd person is nothing - nobody, therefore not one of them. The very action of disfellowshipping which they use as an excuse for keeping the congregation clean, is nothing more than a control mechanism. It is not a loving discipline. It is not justified by any scripture. It is a death sentence for many families and individuals passed on with judgement by those in power. That power can be and has been abused by Elders not only in matters of reproof, disfellowshipping but most certainly in the reinstatement process.

    Legally, you have the right to leave a spouse. Legally, you have the right to re-marry. Legally, you are not in any way an adulterer because you marry another person. The JW's have you believe that if you leave your wife, you should never again marry, date, or move forward with any other person until you can sneak around and find proof that your ex committed some dastardly sexual deed first. That's bunk! It is insulting for all involved to even think on that level. JW's do not have the moral high ground on any matters - their divorce rate is equal to that of any other religion. People are people.

    You can continue on with your reinstatement requests but I've known people in the same position, who eventually simply walked away from the whole pile of nonsense after they realized that it's nothing more than a sham. If the society only really understood that they lose more members than they keep when they play these games. It has nothing to do with uncleanness - it's all about power and control. I know of elders who have dug for dirt on disfellowshipped in order to keep them from getting reinstated. It's their little power trip - a big fish in a small pond. If you are certain you want to belong to an organization that has judged you and your wife, and will continue to judge you forever, then keep writing and begging for renewal of your membership to the club. Eventually they will let you in. sammieswife.

  • BluesBrother
    BluesBrother
    Isn't my life important to them or to Jehovah?

    We cannot speak for the Almighty, but as for the elders? NO...otherwise they would have at least contacted you by now..Jesus said that his true followers would be marked by love, So why want to get back into a flock that is obviously not blessed by Jesus love??

  • Sad emo
    Sad emo
    I have been regularly attending the meetings for 3 years and its been so long that I am bitter and have a broken spirit...

    Any organisation that makes you feel this way isn't worth clinging to - there's a name for what they're doing - psychological abuse. That you get the impression they're just messing you around suggests that you aren't prepared to take that abuse much longer.

    If I were in your shoes, I'd get out of there, accept my past mistakes and move on with life rather than clinging to the vague hope that one day, if they felt like it, they might allow me back in.

    And yes your life is important, even precious to Jehovah. They don't = Jehovah, it's important to try to keep that distinction in your mind.

    Just because they don't give a damn about you doesn't mean that Jehovah doesn't.

    Peace.

  • B_Deserter
    B_Deserter

    I couldn't help but notice your ages, 18 and 22. I think the forbidding of sex before marriage is responsible for most Witness divorces. I've seen countless witness couples get married as young as 16 years old. I think it's ridiculous to make someone feel they have to marry someone if they have sexual feelings for that person. All that leads to is teenagers getting married purely so they can have sex. Then, after a few years, they realize that they're really not ready for married life, and that's when most witness divorces happen. I firmly believe that there is NO way to avoid your sexual urges long enough to get married at a decent age. You have these feelings building inside you, and you can't explore them, you can't even masturbate, although I'm willing to bet most witnesses do despite whatever the current youth book says. I'm sorry, but taking a cold shower and doing some exercise is not going to reverse millions of years of biology.

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