Are we in love with our own pain?

by nvrgnbk 36 Replies latest jw friends

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  Narkissos

  If you were really in love with your own pain, you would never expose it to the persecution of positive thinking, would you?

  Unless you're a second-degree masochist of course.
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  nvrgnbk

  If you were really in love with your own pain, you would never expose it to the persecution of positive thinking, would you?

  Unless you're a second-degree masochist of course.

  Both deep and hilarious Nark!
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  flipper

  Nvrgbk, Mr. Flipper here. I think we all internalize our pain as it becomes a very personal thing that we reveal to only those we can trust. Only revealing it to someone who won't use it against us, bashing us over the head for our views, but listening with true objectivity and caring.This is what we all need , someone who is willing to listen in this manner. Personally for myself, in my life I'll always have some things painful that I carry inside, but I don't let it dominate my thoughts. I prefer to learn from the pain, become a more positive thinker and the useful parts of what I've learned I try to apply it in my life, the crappy parts, I discard , and at the end of each day, I don't take it to sleep with me. Plus, I've got a lovely wife who keeps me entertained with her humor and love. That really helps. Get a good woman, if you don't have one at present. You get encouraged in more ways than one
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  stillajwexelder

  Yes - sadly it is sometimes human nature not to let go - but to not only hold on to our pain, but to actually nurture the pain
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  sass_my_frass

  I can't think of anybody here who is deliberately holding onto their pain, I think that we're all in much the same situation; work out the problem, talk it through, occasionally vent about some immediate experience, work out ways of coping and letting go. I think we talk about grief enough here to know that it's more important to allow the healing process to do its work than to deny the feelings and constantly try to look on the sunny side. That is, there is much to be said for a positive outlook, but I think that a positive outlook includes a healthy understanding of our pain and the things we need to do to get rid of it. And every now and then, a pity party helps. I haven't seen anybody here who only ever expresses anxiety and misery - everybody is just working on it. When people have worked through it, they tend to leave. More power to them!
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  nvrgnbk

  Great responses all.

  I want to make it clear that I was in no way suggesting that anyone here, in particular, deliberately holds onto their pain. Rather I was attempting to gain understanding as to why we can't let it go sooner, or with less effort. The idea that perhaps it's because we've become so familiar with it, so accustomed to it, struck me as a possibility.

  I am impressed by the positive approach taken by so many here in the face of great difficulties, both past and present.

  Peace to all!
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  eclipse

  I think Yoda got it right.

  It also depends on the level of pain....if one believes in varying degrees of it...there is the prick of when someone you love says something thoughtless....the pain goes away soon enough

  the pain of love betrayal takes a little longer to heal through

  the pain of chronic abuse takes even longer depending on how ongoing the abuse was

  the pain of of a child outweighs the pain of an adult. The adult can rationalize and make logical conclusions that helps them cope and heal where as a child has not learned this defence - instead they internalize and defragment, dissapear mentally inside themselves if the abuse continues on without hope in sight.

  Working through pain takes time....putting back together a spintered personality takes even more time...often the same amount of time it took to defragment that personality in the first place.

  I don't think people are in love with their pain, they just cant see how to let it go without losing a piece of themselves....that they identify with...

  (to illustrate) -

  even though a limb is gangrene, we instinctually want to save it, fearing the loss of getting our limb removed....but for the sake our own life, we need it removed...

  same with our pain....sometimes we feel we need it to survive...when in fact it is killing us slowly from the inside.