by R.F. 44 Replies latest jw experiences
If my life as a JW was "full", its now overflowing.
I lost a mom, a grandfather, some fake friends, and something to do on Monday and Wednesday nights, and saturday and sunday morning.
Now I have friends who love me for who I am, not what I am, an interesting career as a professional body modification artist, and I also have time to... relax.
I was afraid of the void. But there was no void. Instead there was relief. Relief that I did not have to rush home to catch the meeting. Relief of not feeling guilty for turning in less that 10 hours FS. Relief that I could make choices w/o guilt. Relief at meeting nice people and not having to keep them "at arms length" because they are "wordly". Relief that now that I don't "put the kingdom first" (which to a JW means not "first " but "only") I can actually live like a normal person for the very first time in my life.
nvrgnbk, mr. flipper here. We would love to hang out with you if you ever come to northern Cailfornia mountain area near Auburn, Grass Valley area. You and your son are always welcome. We have animals.2 black labradors 5 cats, gray squirrels,woodpeckers, humans, bears, oh! and Sasquatch or in laymans terms, Bigfoot. I'm serious!! My son was hiking and heard one!!!
What void? . . . The void that the Watchtower creates - and that you bought into - by digging a huge gulf between you and the real world? . . . Is that the void you're talking about? It feels like a tragic loss to be d'f'ed or d'a'ed, and it is very painful, I know, in the beginning, and sometimes even years later. I have gone back and forth over the years between anger, denial, grief, and gotten stuck quite a few times due to the brainwashing and sometimes self-imposed isolation. And the depression and fear can be paralyzing, but it doesn't have to be.
I am sorry that you are feeling emptiness; I know how it is, but it doesn't have to go on and on. Hugs!
The void created by the Society and by our acceptance of its rules and limitations is illusory unless one is blind, deaf, mute and quadraplegic, or otherwise helpless to find other things to do and see. Learned helplessness and a sense of gloom and doom for the world outside the bOrg is exactly what keeps the Watchtower Society in power over one.
We now know very well that we live in a world of wonder, inspiration, beauty, paradox, and struggles, do we not? Now, let's see what we can do about accepting the disappointments we cannot change and finding hope and joy for ourselves. No, it won't happen over night, but there is much to fill the voids in our lives, whatever they may be, and yes some of them are very real, but sometimes we repeatedly fall into the same hole over and over instead of walking around it, right? I sure have. Maybe I will again . . .
In the meantime (in between falling into the hole), I'll try to seek the wonder, the beauty, the adventures - even if they are very small, local ones. That's what I wanted to do that this weekend by going to the beach, but it rained! Oh, the wonder and beauty of rain . . . really . . . and of the internet . . . I can think and research about the wonder of rain, of the chemistry of water and the amazing way that it keeps us all living and being and meditate for a moment on its physical properties of polarity and whateva . . . yes, the glass is half full and it is half empty. It's alright to analyze the emptiness and figure out what it is, and even to feel it, but remember to drink the water and enjoy it anyway.
I've just begun to loosen the shackels that the org has on me a bit. I'm still an active JW. Im an MS and pioneer and i've slacked on the pioneering. I've used alot of that time to spend more time with family doing more things with them. It's now pretty much like looking_glass said, I don't feel so rushed anymore. Especially with my brother dying recently i've seen the importance of really cherishing my family instead of putting them on the backburner for the organization. I can't wait until i'm fully free from it.
I just read this, R.F. I am very, very sorry to hear of the loss of your brother.I am sure that he would want you to "fill the void" with that which is meaningful and joyous to you, rather than that which is empty, especially if he had had the awakenings that you are having now!
Reading, reading and more reading anything that doesn't have a picture of a Watchtower on the first page. So refreshing to not know everything.
FBF
. . yes, the glass is half full and it is half empty. It's alright to analyze the emptiness and figure out what it is, and even to feel it, but remember to drink the water and enjoy it anyway.
This is exactly what I am trying to do now, analyze the emptiness. Madame Q I would love to meet you one day! You are one cool lady and I love the way you think and your approach to life - truly intrepid.
Masterbation, smoking, drinking and anti-christing. What a blast!
This is exactly what I am trying to do now, analyze the emptiness. Madame Q I would love to meet you one day! You are one cool lady and I love the way you think and your approach to life - truly intrepid.
Thank you, Crumpet. You flatter me too much. My approach to life is far from perfect. I mostly bumble through it all, hit or miss. If there is any intrepidness about me, it is the result of bitter experience, probably not innate intelligence.
"Intrepid"? Ha ha! Are you sure you did not mean "insipid"? Maybe one day we can meet, and you'll see how empty my glass really is?! If you're ever in North Carolina, give me a PM!
I hope you do not get lost analyzing the emptiness, Crumpet. I'm sure you won't! Judging from your posts, you seem to have filled your life with meaning and joy. Hope you continue to do so!
Play lead guitar and sing in a killer blues band, hang out with my girlfriend, have lots of sex, talk to my mom (df'd also), drink bourbon, grill out, cook for friends, go to concerts, go to bars with friends. You know almost all the stuff I was doing while being a witness, just being quiet about it, now I don't give a shit.
