Faders with a JW spouse, let me ask....

OnTheWayOut

Do you ever want to share something with the spouse that you read here on JWD or
at other anti-JW information sites?

Examples: "Dear, I heard that magazines won't be handed out to the DF'ed anymore."
"I hear the name of the only new release is 'Come Be My Follower' (or whatever it is)."
"There's this guy that thinks you should take notes at a JC and this other one who
thinks it's a bad idea."

Not newsworthy stuff like the lawsuits- those can be found in independent news sources. The wife
knows that I get google news on JW's. I just find it natural to talk about everything with my wife and
this is a huge amount of stuff I am not really allowed to discuss with her- knowing what the WTS is up
to, and ideas and thoughts from other anti-JW's.

If any of you can relate, what's the story? The other day, I started to say something about JW's based
on what I knew from JWD and I had to just stop.

Bumble Bee

Well, I'm in a bit of a different situation OTWO. My husband is a JW, but "faded" along with me because he didn't want to go to the meetings by himself. He still considers himself a JW though.

I talk to him about things I find out here on JWD when the situation arises. I don't get into big discussions with him, just drop little things here and there that make him think. It's been working. He's feeling less and less guilt and just recently agreed to get rid of our JW books etc.

I tried earlyon to tell him everything I could, and it was the absolute wrong thing to do!! So I backed off for a long time, didn't discuss anything JW related, then started again little by little.

BB

Scully

I took the opposite approach.

I used to say to Mr Scully that I'd learned something that was bothering me a great deal, but that I was conflicted about sharing it with him. I didn't want him to think that I was trying to Stumble™ him or damage his Faith™. Of course, the result was that he reassured me that nothing could shake his Faith™. Then I would appeal to his sense of justice and ethics, and said how I wanted to do the right thing, the way my conscience had been trained. Then I'd bring up something like the Malawi / Mexico thing that was in CoC - he wasn't aware of the entirety of the situation (neither was I originally, but my family became JWs during the 70s when Malawi was a HUGE topic among JWs) - and I kept saying how the hypocrisy of the organization bothered my conscience.

Later, there was the Bulgarian situation, where the WTS had made statements to the European Commission on Human Rights that JWs had "free choice" in the matter of blood transfusions, and that no sanctions would be taken against a JW who consented to a transfusion for themselves or their minor children. Again, the disparity between what was said and what was practiced "really bothers my conscience".

Eventually, there were so many things stacked up that were "bothering my conscience", that they started to bother Mr Scully too. It took about 6 months of these kinds of conversations - not daily, not even weekly - for him to come to the same conclusion that I did.

I think my approach was more subtle and less threatening to him than if I'd been more in-your-face with him about what I had been learning.

OnTheWayOut

Scully, I hear you. I do many mini-interventions with the wife. Not as direct as Malawi or
Human rights. My posts indicate some of the major things I say to her. More direct and
she shuts it out.

Really, what I am saying is that we talked about EVERYTHING when we were both JW,
and we could talk about EVERYTHING if we both were not JW. We still talk about
work and leisure, news, and most everything, but my mind is growing, my enlightenment
is amazing. This part of my life- discovering the real truth- and the daily or even occasional
huge discoveries or the mundane "How was your day?" type of stuff; these have to stay
out of the conversation. It's a secret life, but she knows about it. It's a game- I can't bring
it up and she won't. Does that make sense, or am I rambling?

jaguarbass

I left in 83 my wife couldnt find her way out till 93. When she came out she went full tilt with all the holidays. Much of her family is still in the borg. It bothers her when I talk to her about any thing on this site. So, I try to limit that to when I am drinking, only.

Save My Soul

My wife and I had a dicussion prior to marriage (as young pioneers) that we would never tell the elders anything personal or call the cops on each other. In 1995 I told her of my doubts, she said I should stop listening to apostates.

Now she agrees with me on everything as a result of the many changes. Most of her friends DO NOT believe any of the garbage either. It is a social thing for them.

I think the key is the marriage has too be stronger than the religion.

I am fading and my wife is active.

Frank75

When she came out she went full tilt with all the holidays. Much of her family is still in the borg. It bothers her when I talk to her about any thing on this site. So, I try to limit that to when I am drinking, only.

My wife was never interested in doctrine issues. She was upset i didn't trust her enough to tell her i was sneaking out into the living room to read CoC though.

At first she just had enough with the meetings but couldn't come out and say, "I am not a JW" like I had. However soon she dealt with it, and was asking me if we could celebrate the holidays. (She's never had to "ask" my permission for anything but just the way she is)

When it comes to JWD or any other forum, apostafests or meet ups, she says, "can't these people put it all behind them and just get on with their lives?"

She is polite, and will talk about it with our friends who have left, but in private to me always drops little comments about the little time I spend here.

When it comes to telling her stuff from JWD posts, I have to spoon feed her that. Especially the stuff in some of Crompets posts! OMG

Frank75

OnTheWayOut

My wife was never interested in doctrine issues. She was upset i didn't trust her enough to tell her i was
sneaking out into the living room to read CoC though.

It's a bit like that. My wife is not interested in doctrine issues, she knows I am learning "something"
and she knows I use the internet and she sees books that I am reading (not the ones by former members)
but she won't do much more than ask, "Whatcha doing?"

undercover

My situation is similar to Bumble Bee's...my wife is inactive but deep down still accepts it as the "truth".

There are times that I want to share some info I've gleaned but her defense mechanism kicks in right off the bat anytime I mention anything JW related in even the slightest negative light. So I usually don't bother. Since she rarely mentions JW stuff either, we just go on ignoring the elephant in the room. He's been very well mannered these past couple of years.

zack

OTWO:

I know what you're talking about. I don't even talk about JW stuff with my wife because, frankly, my blood pressure starts to spike. I feel like I am being conned every time some one tells me how wonderful the Org. is. The last few conversations with my wife have not gone well due to my inabily to keep my mouht shut, so now i avoid all discussions all together, ar at least try to.

The other night we were out with friends and something was mentioned about the SOCIETY, etc.... All I could do was not join in the conversation. I may have well been on Mars, every one around me was whacky, trapped in the JW world of constantly shifting illusion.

Good luck to you. I am not so sure my marriage can survive my evil knowledge.

Faders with a JW spouse, let me ask....

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