she's a JW, I'm not, she's married, so am I.....

by simon4 24 Replies latest social relationships

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  simon4

  Ok, here goes.

  First of all, my heart aches for her and I am totally in love with her. I helped her leave an abusive (15yr) marriage. I am married but there is no affection, compassion, love, understanding....etc. She has 6 children, I have 2. She just told me recently that she has to "get back" to her family and religion. I am heart broken and she tells me that she is very upset about the whole thing also. She needs my love and I never thought that I would find the love she gives me. I know that this may be a good thing for both of us but love has a strange way of altering your thinking. I am still leaving my wife, but not because of this.

  ....when your dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part....

  I need some honest advice from someone who really cares.....I have no one to talk to about this right now.
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  UnConfused

  I don't have any real advice except that if she's still a 'believer' in JWism she is likely going to have a horrible time with this emotionally and mentally.
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  lola28

  You are married and she is married, stay away from each other. If your marriage is so bad get a divorce but until you are legally free you have an obligation to your wife and children.

  Lola
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  jgnat

  She's made her decision. Let her. http://www.quotedb.com/quotes/149

  You are heartbroken. You will recover. Even when you divorce, you will continue to be a dad to the two children of your first marriage. I suggest you concentrate on that. Be a good man.

  In a few years, this woman you loved for a time may wake up to the mistake she made. If you are free, be there for her.

  BUT I strongly recommend you break it off in the meantime. Give her every opportunity to "make it right" with her family and her religion. I think she is doomed to failure. But any woman with six children has to have a practical streak. She may come to her senses.
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  FreedomFrog

  If your marriage is so bad get a divorce but until you are legally free you have an obligation to your wife and children.

  I agree...it's not fair to your wife and kids to do the "sneaking" behind backs. They (your wife and kids) all think that they have a family they can depend on and are safe...If you're both married...then (my opinion) is there should not have been a relationship in the first place.
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  ninja

  simon...I agree with the rest...there is your wife and kids in the mix....think of them...they're the innocents in the whole mess........I wouldn't comment usually...but you did ask for advice
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  ninja

  that is a classic..."my wife doesn't understand me" routine btw...
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  Hortensia

  You know better, so I wonder if you are asking for support or for help in making the right decision? You are married and so is she. You aren't free - if you are going to divorce your wife, go ahead, but stay away from this woman. For one thing, let me point out that she loved you until you helped her get free of her abusive husband. Now, she wants to go back to her religion - sounds like a user to me.
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  Mum

  You are married; so is she. You each need some time to learn about yourselves and understand why your marriages did not work before taking on another partner. If you want a divorce, fine. Wait until she is ready to commit to you before trying to marry her. Give your children a chance to get to know the next person you marry so they can acclimate and make the transition when the time comes.

  She doesn't sound too sure about leaving her husband, abusive or not. A lot of women who are abused are very dependent on their abuser, and vice versa. If you were to marry her too soon, her husband might be able to use the "adultery" card to get custody of the children, and he would keep them from her if he is an abuser. I don't know how much you know about the JW religion, but it's going to take a long time for her to be deprogrammed from it if that will be possible at all. She will be stewing in guilt at the very least, creating a terrible strain on your relationship. She will also try to draw you and your children into that religion because she mistakenly thinks it's the only right thing to do.

  Proceed with caution, a lot of caution. Better yet, run for the hills.

  Regards,

  SandraC
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  RollerDave

  I've gotta say that your objectivity circuits seem to be on the blink.

  how can you make an honest assesment of the affection in your marriage with the distraction of being 'totally in love with' another man's wife?

  Whatever future you build, make sure it rests on a solid foundation, and this kind of shifting emotional sands does not meet that test.

  Would you want to be kicking yourself for the rest of your life due to a decision made with the wrong head in a time of high emotion like this?

  Just saying is all, whatever you do, STAY IN THE RIGHT and DO THE RIGHT THING!

  You are the example for your kids, like it or not. Be sure to set the RIGHT example because they are watching and actions speak louder than words.

  What's best for THEM comes before what you merely want. You might want to look into that.

  If your marriage still seems as bad as all that after taking a BIG step away from the other guy's wife, there ARE honorable ways to end that and start again.

  If she is really going back into the borg, make that TWO BIG STEPS.

  and also consider, just because we feel something, feel it in our very bones... doesn't automatically mean it's real. Take a few deep breaths, then take a few more, then make damn sure before doing anything undoable.

  Its up to you, keep your head, or lose it.

  Let us know how it goes,

  Roller