she's a JW, I'm not, she's married, so am I..... (page 2)

Mysterious

Have you tried honestly communicating with your current wife? What you think is lack of compassion may in fact be ignorance of your needs. Lack of understanding may be your failure to discuss your feelings, and both of these can lead you to feel there is a lack of intimacy or love.

YoursChelbie

..also consider, just because we feel something, feel it in our very bones... doesn't automatically mean it's real. Take a few deep breaths, then take a few more, then make damn sure before doing anything undoable.

RollerDave, you got this point so right. How many of us "felt" the WT$ was the real way to live? Only to realize and regret later that we were so wrong?

YC

RollerDave

Thank you, thank you.

I had that in the back of my mind.

I might also mention to this poor fellow I know of what I speak, I've been there, of so many times.

I'm thig king of mistakes and one of em was messing with another dude's woman. Easy to say he's abusive, but most guys HAVE to convince themselves of that if they're massing with the guy's woman. Objectivity? not on your life!

I've also mastered the bad rebound relationship, having once picked up another dude's wife while in the psyche ward after my own ran off. she became my second wife and a five-year plan to misery.

Dude, walk away from the other guy's wife, come to an understanding with your own either to leave or stay, and if you leave keep it in your pants for a year or you'll be SOOO sorry.

Hoping it all works out for ya,

Roller

Warlock

So MY question is: Why did you come HERE, for advice?

Warlock

greendawn

That's how it is with emotional turmoil every one thinks this is the only person until soon someone else comes along that is just as much a unique person.

If she wants to return to the JWs she wil be going back to a cultic organisation.

emptywords

There are children on both sides of this mess. Do what you think is best for you're children because it is they that will be the most hurt out of all this.

She sounds like she is skewed up and you sound no better. If you are in a lovless marriage think of a way of dealing with seperation with the minimal effect on you're children.

She needs to consider her actions as well, but you can't live her life and vis versa, but you can and should get out of the square and do what will be least painful for you're innocent children.

Finally-Free

When you're in a loveless marriage it's easy to get emotionally entangled with someone else, whether they're right for you or not. I suggest getting marriage counselling, and if that doesn't work, then get a divorce. If you divorce, take some time to rediscover your identity and rebuild a life before getting involved with someone.

As painful as it may seem, I recommend breaking off this relationship. In the long run, you'll be glad you did.

W

drew sagan

Bad situation. Like everybody else has said, let this go for now. You both seem to have a lot of problems, take time to work them out on your own.

You possibly can continue to offer emotional support, but even that is pushing it. Be careful, let time and a little distance work this out.

AK - Jeff

Simon - will you accept the good advise here given? I sincerely doubt so. Your head is spinning, you are excusing yourself from responsibility based on the firing of neurons in a sensitive part of your brain. Step off the roller coaster - take a leave of absence for a week, a vacation where you can clear your thoughts and emotions.

If you allow 'feelings' to override common sense and decency, when the feelings come under control, what have you got? A mess!

Jeff

undercover

First of all, my heart aches for her and I am totally in love with her. I helped her leave an abusive (15yr) marriage. I am married but there is no affection, compassion, love, understanding....etc. She has 6 children, I have 2.

Number one: You're married. You're not available to be in another relationship. Your marriage may not be a good one, but adultery is not the answer to your problems. Even if your marriage is going to end, your main responsibility next is your children. Running around on their mother while still married to her is not helping your children. Even if you don't love your wife and a divorce will happen, everything you do and say needs to have a positive effect on your children and their growth.

She just told me recently that she has to "get back" to her family and religion. I am heart broken and she tells me that she is very upset about the whole thing also. She needs my love and I never thought that I would find the love she gives me.

If she says she needs to get back to her religion and family, then obviously she doesn't need your love as much as you think she does. She is making her choice...and it doesn't include you. This is your oppurtunity to get your head back on straight and worry about your family instead of hers.

I know this isn't the advice you were looking for, but you asked, so I gave you my opinion. I'm sorry if it feels harsh, but sometimes we need a good kick in the ass. I feel for you and I know it's hard, but you're mixed up because of your feelings for the woman you can't have. Instead of pining away for her, get back to living your life and dealing with your issues instead of hers. If you can't cope, get help. Get counseling.

she's a JW, I'm not, she's married, so am I.....

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