is being in love with your spouse a decision or an emotion? when to divorc

by sosad 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  nsrn

  Been there, done that....but after kids were grown and gone, left a husband with major psych/health issues and a gun obsession, and now with a wonderful man who knew us both well, and was willing to wait until my timing.

  I do regret not leaving years ago--it took the 'affair' to bring things to a head and give me the courage to leave. I regret that my witness family sees it and confirms to them how evilly worldly I have become. I waited until my daughter was grown, but she could have had different roll models for how to handle problems in her own marriage.....

  There are no black and white/ right or wrong/ clearcut answers. Obviously it would be better if we all just lived happily ever after...but sometimes you settle for less...or gamble everything on another life...
• 

  Satanus

  something else. If she leaves her husband for the tomcat, will the tomcat do the same? Will he continue to be there for her? Will he stop being a tomcat?
  
  S
• 

  jgnat

  Sosad, I have some advice for you.

  Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson

  The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right. - Hannah Whitall Smith, 1902

  Your friend is not very good at living by her principles. She is heading for a train wreck, and there's very little that anyone can do to stop it. She set the gears in motion by having an affair with a tomcat. It's like the game of Kerplunk. After a while if she's removed too many straws, the whole thing is going to come crashing down. It's just a matter of time.

  It's too late for advice. Stop giving it. If she asks what to do (I suspect she is hoping you will help her with a way out of her disaster), just keep telling her that she has a good heart and deep down she knows what to do. As a good friend I think the best you can do is wait until disaster strikes and be there to help her pick up the pieces.
• 

  oompa

  Oh Sammie: Yes........and who are any of us to define what another should be forced to endure within a relationship, based on our own assumptions, religious beliefs etc.

  Nailed it. Now bury the coffin.

  NVER: Why would anyone want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them anymore?

  Ahhhh the power of rugrats.

  Plus after many years of having a constant in your life, just the fear of change can stop you....oompa