Can/Should someone be in love with more than one person?

by AK - Jeff 30 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I think that men in ancient times and not-so-ancient times who openly had many wives
  could indeed love more than one of them very dearly.

  I think that men (and women- but I will stick to the one side for typical situations) who
  cheat on their wives can and do sometimes love the wife and the other(s).

  I think that open marriages or strange bonds of threesomes create bonds beyond friendship
  without necessarily ending the marriage bond.

  HOWEVER, cheating on your wife is unfair to her. I don't judge those stuck in loveless or
  sexless marriages. I refer to those that sneak behind the wife's back without seeking
  counsel or talking about their marriage with their wife.
  ALSO, marriages that allowed many wives were commonly found in places and times where
  women were considered less than men. We know better nowadays that women are equals
  and my opinion is that a man only deserves one equal partner, not more than one lesser
  servant/plaything.
  The open marriage and strange bonds I referred to, that's not my bag, but if that's really
  what all parties in a relationship want, more power to them.

  Personally, one wife is plenty for me. And before I would seek another mate (in the most
  hypothetic of circumstances) I would have to try to work out this relationship or end it
  before such a seeking occurs.
• 

  AK - Jeff

  I find it interesting that most of the comments reflect a guarded view of this matter.

  The prompting of these thoughts, is the diverse view of this matter throughout the ages and areas.

  Though I seek no other than my mate - I can see just how easily one could begin to love another whom he/she is in close contact. Though it is extremely messy in most cases in the west - it seems as though in the past and in other areas is is more accepted. Or is it?

  I guess what I am really asking is; Is there anything in nature or our genes that makes it correct to seek a single mate? Or is this a conditioned acceptance of societal norms? Has our religious training filtered our perspective - or our societal filter - to the point that we cannot fairly consider the question?

  Though I agree with the statements made - I wonder if that is due to my upbringing, my place in society, my religious perspectives? How correct are those? Or is the whole matter just a contrived morallity ?

  Jeff
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  I guess what I am really asking is; Is there anything in nature or our genes that makes it correct to seek a single mate? Or is this a conditioned acceptance of societal norms? Has our religious training filtered our perspective - or our societal filter - to the point that we cannot fairly consider the question?

  Did you really want to open such a big can of worms?
  This goes to morality and survival-of-the-fittest issues, using religion and society and peer pressure and
  evolution.

  I do not believe the male has something in his genes to make him desire a single mate.
  Watch television with an all-male audience, and as every beautiful young actress comes on,
  they will ask, "Would you do it with her? What if your wife never found out? What if your wife
  said it was okay?" Any hetero male who says, "Sorry, I love my wife" is answering out of
  morality or religious training, not from his genes.

  Some women, according to science, have the desire to protect and raise their children. That, debatably,
  causes them to have the desire to stay with a single mate. It could be in their genes.

  Societal norms are the big pressure. I love hearing people say, "I would never have had all those slaves if
  I owned a plantation, it's just wrong." We know it's wrong, but we can't say what we would have done in the
  days where it wasn't viewed as wrong. Same with multiple wives. Sort of the same with mistresses in many
  areas.

  Has our religious training filtered our perspective - or our societal filter - to the point that we cannot fairly consider the question?
  - OH YES, both or just societal filter in many cases.
• 

  AK - Jeff

  Societal norms are the big pressure. I love hearing people say, "I would never have had all those slaves if
  I owned a plantation, it's just wrong." We know it's wrong, but we can't say what we would have done in the
  days where it wasn't viewed as wrong. Same with multiple wives. Sort of the same with mistresses in many
  areas.

  Interesting analogy OTWO.

  I like to think that in the matter of slaves, that I would have been the abolitionist in the crowd - but who really knows? Good illustration, as in the northern states far more supported freeing the slaves. Was that due to societal pressure, or genetic pooling? Likely pressure and popular paradigm was the factor.

  Social studies are interesting cans-o-worms though.

  Jeff
• 

  ozziepost

  But do you believe that it is possible or profitalble to fall in love with more than one person at the same time?

  Is it possible to love more than one? I s'pose so, but I don't believe it can be a case of "is it possible to love more than one equally at the same time"?

  I believe, and don't ask me how I would know, that it's more likely that 'the person' is in love with an ideal, or in love with love itself. I notice the question was "in love with" rather than "love".

  In short, we call it "mid life crisis".
• 

  Dansk

  Hi Jeff,

  I'm afraid I'm just an old fashioned romantic and can't imagine being in love with another woman at the same time I'm married to Claire. People in other societies may have more than one wife - like some Muslims and Mormon sects - but do they really love them all?

  People with children generally love all of them, but often a parent may have a favourite. So, even here, love can be deeper for one than another.

  I know some relationships are torn apart because (generally) the man cannot decide between two women, seemingly loving both equally. So, I guess it is possible to love two women equally. More than that and I think we're into the realms of sexual desire rather than true love!

  As for should someone be in love with more than one person, I guess that depends on religious rather than societal restraints! In free western society we can virtually do what we please. However, my experience is that in a relationship where there is a third person there's always pain - often for all three!

  Ian
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  AK - Jeff

  In short, we call it "mid life crisis".

  Yep. Mine involved golf clubs and a two door car. Oh wait, that was my 'post-jw' life crisis. In my case they coincided.

  Jeff
• 

  AK - Jeff

  I'm afraid I'm just an old fashioned romantic and can't imagine being in love with another woman at the same time I'm married to Claire.

  I have the same view towards Wifey.

  Still, it does seem that many sacrifice and sabotage the secure relationship for the insecure one. It seems to go against the grain of common sense - I wonder [out loud on this thread] if more than just pheromones or homones or sex drive is at base? Not from a scientific perspective, as I am sure that studies have been done. But from a common perspective.

  I have known of people who have crushed themselves under such burdens. Is it as simple as wrong-headed thinking?

  Jeff
• 

  Flowerpetal

  The movie, Dr. Zhivago, is an example of one being in love with two people equally, IMHO.
• 

  Illyrian

  I don't think anyone can control that any more than they can control gravity, what one is going to do about it is possibly a different but trying to control feelings is crazy. That is how watchtower society operates in invading ones thoughts and trying to put limits there.