How many happy JW marriages do you know of? (page 4)

Odrade

I don't know, it seems to me that the relationship may have less conflict when one person (the woman) acquiesces on everything, (submission), and the other (man) is the boss of everything. But happy? How many men are truly happy to have a wife who is just someone to boss around, cook and clean? Yes he's "well-cared-for," but aren't happy marriages the ones where each person contributes to the relationship and partnership, each person is heard and respected, and each person has standing in the relationship to be complete without it, but chooses to stay because that's what they want?

IMO, the marriages (both in the Org and out) that are happy are the ones where the couple has a partnership, not a hierarchy. The JW marriages that work happily (not just "work") are usually the ones that are somewhat in defiance of the entire headship arrangement.

Just my opinion, and how many happy relationships do I know of? A few... certainly less happy ones that I personally know of than miserable ones, or just tolerable ones.

Lady Lee

Simple observation from the outside means nothing.

My marriage was the model held up to others. The pioneers all said they wanted a marriage like mine. Recently I met someone who knew me way back when. She said she never would have guessed and remembered us being on the platform at CAs. They had no idea my true reaction to that. The illusion was good. But on the inside it was abusive and I was slowly losing any ability to keep the illusion intact.

Open mind

OTWO said:

it seems that the happy ones are ones where the wife swallows the WTS
doctrine hook-line-and-sinker, and she is happy to be the submissive wife.

*SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION ALERT*

An alternative to this is neither one buys into the whole "headship horse$h*t". That's our situation. My wife has spirit and I love that about her. We are definitely a partnership. I've never pulled out the "headship" trump card in our marriage. I've stood up for things I've felt strongly about, but always on the merits, never on my "God-ordained position".

So, to answer the original post, I don't think we're actually a "happy JW" marriage. We are in fact a "happy wordly" marriage since the basis of our relationship is not rooted in JW dogma.

Open Mind

Bumble Bee

The illusion was good.

That's my situation. Nobody would ever guess there are problems in my marriage. We put up a good front.

BB

Numinous

My marriage was an endurance race, but for what reward? Spending all of eternity with this guy? Submission fuels the fire of an egomaniac. It was surviving, not living, and I was a slave, but at the KH he was busy with his stuff, and I had the gift of gab to distract myself and others from the emotional vacuum I had at home. Seventeen years of this academy award winning performance. The words "long-suffering" still make me gag...like Jehovah wanted me to be miserable to prove my love to him. Exhausting and exasperating. If there were no consequences to divorce in the congregation, half would be running to the courthouse. Open up to someone about what is really going on in your life and the floodgates open up about their marriages.

Purza

I have thought about this before and I only came up with two marriages in all my years as a JW. That is sad. And one of them was NOT my parents -- they should have divorced years ago.

One couple was the head of the most "functional" family I have ever seen.

Marriage is something that needs to be worked at and cultivated -- not easy when you are serving an organization.

Just my .02

Purza

winnie

An alternative to this is neither one buys into the whole "headship horse$h*t". That's our situation. My wife has spirit and I love that about her. We are definitely a partnership. I've never pulled out the "headship" trump card in our marriage. I've stood up for things I've felt strongly about, but always on the merits, never on my "God-ordained position".

Can't agree more. I have different views to my husband on some things, and vice versa. It leads to healthy debates! We work well that way. I couldn't imagine a relationship where I would have to 'obey without question' and be 'submissive' to him. I've never been that way inclined, it would literally drive me insane!!! I think this is the only way to have a healthy relationship. Anything else could lead to harbouring resentment of some sort. Also, the 'headship/head of house 'power' can be abused. I have seen this first hand. I just want to 'smack' them for treating their wives in that way, and give the wives a kick up the a** for accepting such behaviour.

erandir

I know of 6 couples who have happy marriages without having to think too hard about it. My wife and me (I'm technically still a witness)...we're still best friends after all these years. The couple we visited this past weekend. Two of their daugthers are in happy marriages. And two elders in my congregation. All of these couples have something in common--keeping things in a good balance and not letting the FDS doctrine be too strict in their lives. They all do more of a partnership than headship.

BCberean

The elder and his wife who give(gave??) me bible studies seem happy and in sync with each other. I've seen them hold hands...and they've been married for over 30 years.

mrsjones5

Problem is they marry young because they want sex

My mother said something similar to me just before I married my husband, along the lines of "Ya know marriage isn't just about sex?" Damn, again I had no comeback other than "I know Mom." What I should have said was "Don't project your reason for getting married on me, besides I figured that out after the first hubby." Mother got married the day after her eighteenth birthday.

How many happy JW marriages do you know of?

Share this