Evolution of Richie: Post JW

RichieRich

I have many hopes for this post. Ideally, it will be an eloquent explanation of my actions, more for myself than anyone else. Also, I hope that there are tons of others out there who have, or have had similar feelings and experiences who can contribute insight to the discussion.

As a Witness, my mind was relatively closed. Even as a non believing Witness (the last few years) I felt like I was some sort of moral superstar, and it was my privilege to look down on others. I felt like I was easily and clearly better than the gay community, all religous zealots, criminals, and others. However, when I dealt with individuals, I was very open. All people were equal and I would often suffer great loss to make someone feel welcome or safe.

Now, as a Non-Witness, my mind is as open as ever. Gay? Who cares? It doesn't infringe on my right to exist and I'm not threatened by it. So what? Religous zealot? Don't knock on my door or blow me up, and we'll be just fine. I know it's not going to work out for you in the long run, but hey, whatever floats your boat. Criminals? I never understood until I sat amongst them in a county jail holding cell. No one ever plans to be there, its all a lack of foresight and bad luck thrown in a blender. Personally, I consider that to be a fairly wide and well developed world view. I am perfectly content to live and let live.

But my thoughts and opinions on people have changed- dramatically. I now classify people into three categories. Love them, Hate them, or Don't Need them.

Instantly, upon meeting someone and getting to know them a bit, I either feel strong adoration for them or complete contempt. Everyone else falls into a hole dug by apathy.

I have no idea why I do this. Is it because of my JW upbringing? Do I try to avoid more hurt and emotional pain by completely cutting most people off?

I don't feel antisocial, I still love large groups of people, meeting new people, and living life. I just feel like somehow I'm compartmentalizing my emotions for someone's benefit- but who's?

Anyone?

nvrgnbk

Do I try to avoid more hurt and emotional pain by completely cutting most people off?

Very real and very healthy of you to put this into words Richie.

Even if we're "recovered" from exiting the cult, we carry a deep sense of disappointment with us, perhaps for the rest of our days.

We don't want to ever experience that again. Another disappointment or two, perhaps in personal relationships this time, can make one

avoid getting so deeply into any relationship ever again.

Just my personal observation.

Open mind

Nice post Richard.

I now classify people into three categories. Love them, Hate them, or Don't Need them.

I'm predicting that this will soften with time. Your excellent post last week on Moral Ambiguity is my reason for thinking so.

That, and $1.50 will get you a cup of coffee.

Open Mind

thepackage

I understand where you are coming from on many points. However, I've always been open to accept people for who they are, gay, straight, whatever. But, since I left the WTS I don't trust people. I spent 20 years of my life trusting those JW's around me only to feel like a victium of fraud. I'm sure I'll learn to trust again but it will take time. I try to see good in all people and not judge them maybe that's why I would bump heads with the Elders.

5go

I now classify people into three categories. Love them, Hate them, or Don't Need them.

Why are you going so easy on people.

Tolerate them, Use them then Lose them, and Wish evil upon them.

RichieRich

I'm predicting that this will soften with time.

I'm hoping so too.

My intuitions are usually pretty accurate- I don't think that this is seriously affecting the quality of my life at this point, but I'd rather it fade away than get stronger.

Sunnygal41

richie, i think that you have grown amazingly and what you are now doing is extremely healthy. for instance, in my study of shamanism, we are told that a good shaman never wastes their energy. just as a warrior/hunter conserves their energy for the task at hand, so we are taught. in our day to day life, we only have so much to share with other people...........so, we have to make choices on who we perceive is going to benefit the most or who is in greatest need, and still have energy for what we need it for. i have found that some people are energy vampires..........they will suck you dry, if you let them and are NOT interested in bettering their life or others. you are learning how to discern healthy, balanced relationships from unhealthy one sided relationships, and that is very good. you have good instinct, richie...........keep listening to it and you will never go wrong.

terri

jeeprube

I also compartmentalize my emotions. For me it's a survival instinct, I don't trust people. I don't like to be hurt, and I have learned to be alone and happy. If not for my wife, I'd only come out of my house for beer, video games, food, and the occasional trip to the great outdoors, where hopefully I'd be alone.

misanthropic

Nice post Richie- it's good to see that we are all changing with time and learning to be more accepting to things we maybe weren't so open to before. I still have a ways to go with a lot of things...

I understand where you are coming from on many points. However, I've always been open to accept people for who they are, gay, straight, whatever. But, since I left the WTS I don't trust people.

Same here.
I find that I'm not so open to a lot of things. I'm incredibly closed minded when it comes to religion as a whole at this point, so much so in fact, that I don't even talk about it or want to discuss it with people when it's even brought up. I don't know if this will ever change but that's where I am right now.

RichieRich

In basic terms I went from a closed mind and open heart to an open mind and closed heart.

I've never seen being open minded hurt someone, but I've seen and experienced relationships crumbling away and causing pain.

For me it's a survival instinct, I don't trust people. I don't like to be hurt, and I have learned to be alone and happy.

that's one thing I forgot to mention. While I have no problem being with large groups of people, I MUST have alone time. If I don't have a few hours of solitude a day, I'm no good. Seriously, sometimes I forego to be awake and alone.

Evolution of Richie: Post JW

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