need serious advice

coffee_black

I don't know where to start. I'm on vacation, staying with my daughter for the next few days...and then we're going (my daughter & her 3 kids) to my son's wedding reception some distance from here.

She has been trying to finalize her divorce and custody of the kids for about 6 years now. They have been separated for that long. She just told me more than I ever knew before about the situation. I am sooooo scared for her and the kids.

He has threatened and intimidated her...holding a gun in her mouth on several occasions. There have been numerous restraining orders issued on him by my daughter and several others of his girlfriends and their families. He has injured a number of people. He has been Baker acted twice, been on drugs and has been diagnosed by 2 court ordered psychiatrists as mentally ill and dangerous to himself and others. He has used my grandson's social security number to secure apartments and phones, and skipped payment. He has threatened to kill my daughter and others as well... That only scratches the surface. I'm speachless. I knew it was bad, but not this bad... Nothing brought against him in court sticks. He doesn't pay child support except for a few dollars every few months... but he seems to be able to get a lawyer to get him out of whatever the situation is.

What to do? I'm ready to suggest that she just pack up the kids, a few necessities and head home with me after my son's reception....it's a different state...and has a good system of shelters for battered women and help for her to get on her feet. He doesn't know where I live. I'm afraid if she stays here he'll hurt her and the kids. The man has no conscience. He is also bi polar and a diabetic..who does not take care of his disease...drinks all the time....

Any suggestions?

Coffee

nvrgnbk

...holding a gun in her mouth on several occasions.

Yes. They must leave. Immediately.

misanthropic

it's a different state...and has a good system of shelters for battered women and help for her to get on her feet. He doesn't know where I live.

If your main concern is for their safety then I think this is your best option. If she goes to a battered womans shelter, they'll get restraining orders if needed and keep him away from them.

What-A-Coincidence

What is this psychopath doing out in the streets???

gun to mouth = attemped murder ???

restraining orders are bunk and can actually make things worse .. read "The Gift of Fear" http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Gavin-Becker/dp/0440226198

aSphereisnotaCircle

I like your idea Coffee, get her out of there!

His behavior is way, way over the top, just the gun-in-the-mouth thing alone is enough reason to run as fast as you can.

Is she working? what ties would she have to sever to get the heck out of Dodge?

coffee_black

She has had restraining orders on him before, and he has violated every one. The courts haven't done anything to him for violating them. She doesn't have the money to spend on lawyers. Her lawyer for the divorce did next to nothing and it cost a fortune. The divorce is still not final.

Leaving the state is drastic, and I don't know what that will do for her legally... but there's no protection for her here.

Coffee

coffee_black

She's working...has a fairly good job with health insurance etc.... but no real future there. He has harassed her there...calling over and over threatening, stalking...and she gets in trouble for it... I honestly think it would be the best solution to get her out of here.

If she leaves the state with the kids...could he say she kidnapped them? Would the shelter protect her if she can document many of his actions?

Coffee

nvrgnbk

I'm no lawyer, but I think I have some common sense.

I think priority is avoiding death and further abuse.

If she indeed has restraining orders, that should count as documentation of his behavior.

choosing life

Take your daughter and her kids and get out of there. Her job and anything else can be replaced. She and her children can't. If he doesn't support the children, he has no rights to them anyway. And she has ample evidence of abuse and violent behavior. The kids don't need to be around any more of this behavior.

Run, Run , Run...............................................................................................................................................................................

Angry_Kangaroo

I agree that they need to get out of there. ASAP. Contact a women shelter about the questions you have about taking the kids out of state. They should at least be able to direct you to someone that knows the answer.

need serious advice

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