After 18months I get called on - Elder confrontation.

by wozadummy 27 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • wozadummy
    wozadummy

    Firstly I will acknowlege this may be long please bear with me.

    Not all written here will be exactly in the sequence we discussed things, for we talked for some time at my door.

    He was my former book study conductor and I still think he has good qualities that I see lacking in so many elders, but as you will see the WTS mindset is like concrete in his mind.

    I am writing this not to brag but to emphasise and highlight the disgusting mindset of the WTS and it's leaders and members.

    Here we go - some may know that my wife was molested as a child for some time by her Elder father. When we married some years ago it did not take long for her to open up to me about what happened to her and needless to say we struggled with this, and eventually told the local elders what happened to her as a child.

    We only went this path after she tried to get him to confess ,which he did'nt and so we followed what we thought at the time was the theocratic way and went to the elders ,and please note we sincerely wanted him to repent so he could get everlasting life. He denied all and so followed years of heartache for my wife along with her family tormenting her and eventually abandoning her, even by at least one of her sisters whom my wife also witnessed getting done by the father though not as bad ,and my wife even as a kid tried to protect her younger sisters.

    OK there is the usual WTS crap "we have no witnesses" even though my wife called out to Jehovah to stop him as he did this for years. This is a condensed version of all events but suffice to say we've had the same trouble from the society that others in the same circumstances have had with all the usual crap from the elders including empty promises of assistance and encouragement. The father stopped being an elder for other dubious reasons but they have had the book study at his place and he has had his share of kingdom hall quickbuilds etc even though the elders promised he would get no priveleges.

    That's the background ,well back to the elder who called here after 18 months of no "loving shepherding" ,apparently as my wife DF'd herself I don't rate support!

    The usual niceties were exchanged but I thought that I was not going to let him get off light as he's an elder and a rep of the governing body and was not going to stand over me with his statements and also ignore my wife.

    He came up with a lame excuse of not being able to find our home ,yet he had been here with a pioneer sister who still dropped mags in our letter box before and not that long ago.

    I challenged him directly on my wifes case, and he ducked and weaved ,"no two witnesses" ,can't just take action against someone because someone says they did something.

    I said "iff I stayed at the womans house overnight down the road and my wife rang you up and told you ,and you staked out the house all night and I came out in the morning and denied sleeping with the woman ,you would DF me would'nt you? He tried to hedge away ,I persisted and he admitted YES...sooo why can't you believe my wife and DF the pervert her father!?"

    Well out came my two barrels figuratively speaking........"OK" I said "what about the bible ,you are saying I get my info off the net about JW molesters, well Deut ch22 v23-27....?

    23

    "In case there happened to be a virgin girl engaged to a man, and a man actually found her in the city and lay down with her, 24 YOU must also bring them both out to the gate of that city and pelt them with stones, and they must die, the girl for the reason that she did not scream in the city, and the man for the reason that he humiliated the wife of his fellowman. So you must clear away what is evil from your midst.

    25

    "If, however, it is in the field that the man found the girl who was engaged, and the man grabbed hold of her and lay down with her, the man who lay down with her must also die by himself, 26 and to the girl you must do nothing. The girl has no sin deserving of death, because just as when a man rises up against his fellowman and indeed murders him, even a soul, so it is with this case. 27 For it was in the field that he found her. The girl who was engaged screamed, but there was no one to rescue her."

    What about this then? I asked ....his head down, I continued.....you see the woman in the first account was in the city where people could hear her if she screamed and so they both died ,but what about the woman in the field who was raped? I asked ,she had no witnesses for if people were there they would have rescued her ,would'nt they? I asked..............

    yet she was believed and the man was put to death ,not her for she was a victim with no witnesses....."So" I asked ,"Why do the Governing Body and in turn YOU not accept the testimony of a victim who has nothing to gain by accusing her father of what he did ,that is ,my wife?!!!" I am using the bible here what do you say now?"

    He had little to say ,just tried to change subject by prattling about the injustice of the world and how Jehovah is going to end it...I continued."no, this is about you and the way you and the governing body have always handled this ...you just turn away from the real issue here, and that is ,Jehovah witnessed it all and so did my wife as the victim and all YOU are worried about is that no-one be falsley accused of molestation and push the issue into the future with armaggeddon fixing it ,when the WTS has acted as prophet and been proven wrong, someone molested as a child 80 years ago as a witness kid has not seen justice yet as the victim here and the perpetrator are both probably dead now are'nt they? and where's armaggedon and where's gods justice in that?"

    Head down mumbling ......then he continued that "what is Christendom doing about this problem?" Well that got me fired for I told him they are no different than the WTS ,they have the same problem with molesters but the difference was some are actually changing policy and getting rid of molestors or at least providing ongoing counselling by trained professionals but YOU are sitting on your hands!"

    I asked then" What if my wifes father goes to jail ,and when he comes out the congregation will be none the wiser and will be expected to welcome him back with the elder body keeping it secret and he will continue as a publisher just the same as a brother who is a good man won't he?' Oh no he wont' the elder said he won't have any priveleges I know he won't !"

    "Well" I said " you are in total disagreement with the Governing body for they treat him as an innocent man who has had an accusation only against him! He used his own opnion on many topics I raised as a distraction for me but I doggedly brought him back to what the WTS says and does many times. By appearing to give his opnion it's a tactic to make one feel that he is on their side and that he really is trying to divert attention away from the official WTS stance. Time and again I reminded him HE is a represtative of the governing body and he cannot pretend that he would do things differently ,and this is brought out in the next thing that happended.

    Next he asks me what the police and the courts are doing about my wifes case (for she gathered up enough courage to face them over a year ago and it's still being handled by the government lawyers). He asks this so he can get info for her family ,her family trying indirectly thru other people to get my wife to stop proceedings. Well I gave it to him then " Well the police and lawyers assistants have been very helpfull and UNLIKE YOU AND THE OTHER ELDERS AND THE BETHELITES AND THE GOVERNING BODY ,THEY ACTUALLY DID THEIR JOB AND INTERVIEWED THE FAMILY AND OTHERS AND PERSUED A COURSE OF FINDING OUT THE TRUTH WHICH IS WHAT NONE OF YOU DID - SO HOW IS IT THAT YOU ARE CRITICAL OF "SATANS "WORLD WHEN YOU HAVE TURNED US AWAY?!"

    Next I kept at him for he was ducking and weaving as a true trained WT man claiming that he'd "only" ever heard of 5 cases of molestation that he'd been involved in over 20 odd years!!!!!

    Oh that's right discredit my wife even more and raise doubt about her honesty! What a fool...."5?" I said,"and that's only the ones that you have experienced, it's greater than just your experience! " ....that's five too many " See how they try to minimize it?

    Im sorry I've vented so forcefully but we just have had enough of the WTS thinking and cruelty I finally after pointing out many other things told him the governing body is cruel and demonic ,what else can explain their heartless treatment of victims whether they are adults now or children now. There is another molester in the congo we used to attend so I told the elder that unless they cleaned out the filth we would not and could not ever attend. My wifes outstanding courage in going to the police was motivated also in having the grandchildren of her family protected from her fathers menace ,we are pretty sure he got to at least one them ,I just hope his proud strutting around the kingdom hall will be replaced with 1 hour strolls around the exercise yard of jail and the children will be at peace.

    There was more but I'm tired and stressed but I thank all here for keeping this site alive ,you'll never know how much we appreciate the help we have had here, my wifes still too timid to come on here yet but I'm sure she'll like the people here

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    I wonder why your wife's father still denies doing this. And how about her other sister? Doesn't she corroborate this happening?

  • wozadummy
    wozadummy

    Quandry....I know it may seem hard to believe but molesters don't believe they have done anything wrong ,and then there's the fact that they know that if they say they did'nt do it they get off. her father told her when she confronted him that he had told god he was sorry and that is all he has to do !

    They can't handle the exposure for their perversions because they are basically spineless individuals for only someone with no guts and moral fibre will do what they do .They become very clever at grooming children thru fear and false displays of love and caring.

    Every family is different as all people are but in her family is a deep seated fear of the mother and father - the mother knew what her husband was doing and used to close the door on them. As for the other sister she is gutless and in fear and grew up in the large family of JW's with double standards and all kids are fearful to speak out about family wrong doing ,it is vey complex.

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    If her mother knew what was happening and "closed the door" then there seem to be several witnesses. Has your wife ever sat down with her mother alone and asked her why she allowed this to go on? I cannot as a mother fathom this.......

    How tragic for your family. How wonderful that your wife has you to lean on.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    You know, sometimes laying low is not the way to go. You said some important things to that elder. I hope he chews on them for years to come.

  • Nellie
    Nellie

    I jokingly tell men all the time that they've earned "brownie points" - Your wife wasn't a dummy when she choose you! The love and support you have for her comes across in every word you write. It just goes to show that a person can rise above their childhood experiences and be successful. I don't doubt that this has been and will continue to be extremely painful for you two, but it sounds like together you'll get through it.

    (((hugs to you both))) After you calm down some, let us know more.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    woza

    excellent job at sticking to the topic and not allowing him to wiggle off the hook

    I know it may seem hard to believe but molesters don't believe they have done anything wrong

    BINGO They believe they did nothing wrong - in spite of their efforts to keep it hidden. Some go so far as to blame the child "She seduced me", "She wanted it", etc.

    All the abuser wants is for everyone to stay quiet so they can continue their efforts to prey on children. And the WTS' policy does that.

    Al the victims need is for people to DO SOMETHING anything but remain silent

  • darth frosty
    darth frosty

    Vent away, I liked the way you handled the situation. I love that scripture in deut. you brought up about being alone in the field.

    "5?" I said,"and that's only the ones that you have experienced, it's greater than just your experience! " ....that's five too many " See how they try to minimize it?

    That was a disgrace. In this so called pure religion he boast about only heard of 5 molestation cases. Like you said thats 5 too many and a despicable way to minimize their guilt.

  • BizzyBee
    BizzyBee

    You were relentless! This man may have been stumbling over his words because you had him over a barrel, but he will be thinking about the excellent points you made for a long time to come.

    Your knowledge of child sexual abuse indicates that you have done your homework. I used to work in the field of child sexual abuse investigation. Mothers keeping silent, victims keeping silent, and abusers feeling that they've done nothing wrong are more the norm than the rest of the world would like to think. There is often an unspoken conspiracy of silence within the family that allows this type of abuse to go unchecked for years - even decades and amongst generations.

    Good for you. It is time that the elders woke up - they are left high and dry by the policies of the heartless GB who sit behind thick walls and dictate and pontificate to the masses.

  • Grammy
    Grammy
    Mothers keeping silent, victims keeping silent, and abusers feeling that they've done nothing wrong are more the norm than the rest of the world would like to think. There is often an unspoken conspiracy of silence within the family that allows this type of abuse to go unchecked for years - even decades and amongst generations.

    BizzyBee, you hit the nail on the head with that comment.

    Incest is a despicable crime that does run rampant in some families for generation after generation, it's even more despicable that the JW's who claim to represent god on earth allows it to happen and looks the other way.

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