My Husband is Lost to THEM

by Mrs. Witness 34 Replies latest watchtower bible

• 

  codeblue

  Welcome Mrs. Witness

  I feel your pain when reading your posts.

  Your new husband should have been VERY upfront before the wedding day of his plan to return to the JW religion. That was very deceptive indeed!

  I was raised in the religion and left it 4 years ago do to finding out they do nothing about pedophiles..... They continue to knock on doors, while their victims are persecuted by the religion IF they speak out and tell their story of how they were abused and nothing was done, not even turned into the authorities.

  Because of that, I told my youngest son I could not go to meetings and he has shunned me for almost a year, treating me like I am dead.

  Hold on tight to who you are.....you are in for a bumpy ride with this religion.

  hugs,

  Codeblue
• 

  Snoozy

  I am so sorry you are going through this.My hubby's family are witnesses and his Mom had such a strong hold on him.She could do no wrong. He would believe anything she said as gospel and always tried to please her (which wasn't easy).We all became witnesses later in our marriage but after 15 years of going alone with the kids I quit. Close to retirement he decided to go back. She told him it was the only way he could live forever.So he went back (he was raised a JW before he met me).I tried to talk with him about how false they were but his Mom told him I was an apostate and not to listen to me....after a while I quit talking about it to him..It was what he wanted and apparently needed.

  I was so looking forward to our retirement years but he spent most of it telling me if I didn't come back god would destroy me.

  He lived one year after he retired. Now I am alone..but in many ways I was alone before that.He had his Mom and Jehovah...

  Life is short..do what you can to have a happy life..

  As far as kids go..they always seem drawn to the one thing you tell them is "Bad". You have your hands full but it sounds like you are a strong person and handling it quite well! Good for you.

  Snoozy.
• 

  Wasanelder Once

  The whole situation is symptomatic of the virulent nature of Watchtower indoctrination. I can't hardly believe how deep it gets into ones mind. From youth up, so many of us had that constant drumming into our heads of "God's Organization" and the "Truth" and "Satan's system". Even now, years later and out of the borg I find knee jerk reactions to things on the news or the actions of people. So they mean something? Yep, we're human alright.

  I don't know if your husband needs this as a crutch in order to remain sober or not. Maybe the trade off isn't that bad. Unless of course you believe this puts his soul at risk or something? I know a number of addicts who use the truth to control their behavior. You know best of course.

  I hope you are able to chip away at his ivory watch-tower and make it a smooth campaign that eventually cracks the vault.

  W.Once
• 

  Mum

  Welcome to the forum, Mrs. W.

  My chief concern is for the children. Are they getting counseling of their own? It has to be very confusing to live in a household where there is so much disagreement.

  The fact that you are going to counseling is wonderful and amazing. I never knew any JW's who would go to counseling unless ordered by the court or something drastic. I think the fact that he (willingly?) goes to counseling with you is a great sign and should give you hope. For that matter, when I was a JW, playing chess was not considered good because it was a "war game."

  I agree with Scully that his deceit was not right, and certainly not Christian. You have a right to practice your religion as you see fit.

  Keep us posted.

  Regards,

  SandraC
• 

  AudeSapere

  Welcome Mrs. Witness. You have come to the PERFECT place for support.

  Others have much more experience with your situation than I do so I'll let them do their thing.

  I look forward to your future posts.

  -Denise.
• 

  LeslieV

  I am so sorry that was just put upon you with you having no say in it. He certainly had to be thinking of returning to the "lie" long before he told you on your honeymoon.

  First protect your two daughters from this cult. JW women are treated like second class citizens....they have no rights. Also, they do not encourage education either for your girls. Make sure upfront with him that you will NOT raise your daughters like that. That is what I did to my ex-JW husband. Guess you can figure once I put my foot down he left.

  Keep coming back we are here for you.

  Leslie
• 

  drew sagan

  First I want to give you a nice big Welcome!
  
  You may also want to pick up 'Crisis of Conscience' by Raymond Franz, and hopefully get him to read it.
  
  The problem is that for each JW that comes out of the Watchtower it must be their own journey. You can't force it.
  
  Every time he goes to one of their meetings, participates in their 'field service', and other activities is another session of indoctrination where he is applauded for his decision to be a JW. Any kind of pressure from you to think otherwise is going to seem like an attack on the decision he has made.
  
  You've got a worldwide organization and a local congregation full of people fighting for the mind of your husband. On the other side of all of that pressure is you. You can put just as much pressure on him and then he is getting attacked form both sides, or you can take a much more balanced approach.
  
  Think less 'strategy' and more about care and compassion. Try and find out what's in his heart that is telling him he must be JW. You may be suprised.
• 

  anewme

  Hi Mrs.Witness, just dropped in to say hi and that Im sorry for your tangled situation.
  But stick around here and you will soon devise a plan of action!
• 

  jgnat

  Hi, I married a Witness too. But he was much more honest from the start.

  What do you want? Do you want to keep him, flaws and all? Can you live with him if he were a witness? What would be the "final straw" for you?

  I see a few disturbing signs. It sounds like he OBEYS on the outside, but he doesn't let anyone INSIDE. Why are you the last to know of his deepest feelings about God and religion?

  On the plus side, he's going to counselling. That can be very good.

  If he's got enough positive qualities, you can start a quiet campaign to help him see clearly. I warn you though, it takes years, and there is no guarantee he will change. If you have the patience for THAT, let me know and I'll lay it out for you.

  Right away, regain the right to be yourself. If you enjoy going to the Methodist church, go. Tell him so. He off and joined the Witnesses without involving you, so he's just going to have to deal.

  Second, you two need some serious discussions on how your child is going to be raised. If she were in an accident, would he let her have a blood transfusion? How about after-school activities, birthdays, halloween, Christmas, saluting the flag? Is daddy going to tell her that you are doomed to die at Armageddon? Does he think you are going to die at Armageddon? Will she be required to join field service as soon as she can walk and talk? How about baptism? College?

  I also highly recommend that you get Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan

  Last night she hit the nail on the head that he's defined himself by his religion, uses it as a filter, and speaks a different language than I do because of that.

  By the way, she may only have been talking to the cult personality. The split personality is described in Steve Hassan's book. You can draw out your husband's natural personality with practice. You will probably enjoy him a lot more anyways.
• 

  cultswatter

  Plain and simple

  1914 Bull sh*t

  1919 Bull sh*t

  1935 See it was Bull sh*t