How to get out?

HelpMe1

Okay, I'm not really sure where to start here, and I apologize in advance if this is all over the place.

I basically have come here for your help and advice. My husband and I got married May of this year, so it has only been 2 months! He was raised a JW (only by his mother, his dad has never been in the "truth"). I started attending meetings with about a year after we started dating, he never forced any of it on me, I got into it simply just by curiousity. I have now been attending for about 2 years, but ever since I started, something seemed wrong. It just never clicked for me, as much as I tried I could never really grasp the teachings, because deep down in my gut I knew it was wrong. So he and I would attend meetings reguarly, me sometimes feeling like I belonged there, and other times not at all. Ever since we met though, I always felt like the religion was so forced upon him by his mom, and I realised it somewhat was when whenever she didn't attend a meeting neither would we, he would just lie to her and tell her we went. Back to now... Since we have been married we have attended two meetings, in 2 months. And everytime his mom calls angry asking why we weren't there, he just makes up an excuse. So this past week it has just been killing me, I have not said one word to him about why we aren't going and he doesn't say a word either, and I of course love the fact that we are not going. A huge part of me feels like this is him realizing that he has the freedom to choose what he wants to do, and he is starting to drift away from jw's or at least thats what I hope. I want to ask him, I want to know why it is that we are not going, but I'm so afraid as soon as I do, it will make him feel like he needs to go back. I want to show him this website and I want to help him see the real truth but i dont know how. I know this makes no sense but I'm just looking for anyones opinion on what to do? I am just afraid of hurting our relationship, please help!

AK - Jeff

You're not a Jw by baptism I take it?

You will get many good suggestions. My 2 cents?

Buy a copy of Crisis of Conscience. Read it and lay it on the reading table where he can read it if he wants to. If he does, you will likely say good by to the religion.

Of course there remains the 'entanglements' - always the most difficult part of leaving the Jw religion. That can be dealt with once both of you understand the 'Truth about the truth'.

Jeff

Mysterious

My advice? He will talk about it when he's ready to. In the meantime why not plan some family time just the two of you. Even more insidious find a movie that you can both agree on or a nice restaurant and plan it for a meeting night. If he doesn't object to it being a meeting night it will be a natural segway into a healthy life beyond the JWs for both of you.

unique1

Next time you hear him lie to his mom say "You are grown now, you really shouldn't have to lie to her like that. Just tell her we didn't go, period. If she asks why just say it was your personal decision not to and leave it at that."

RollerDave

Now you, as a non baptized person, could just walk away, but here's the rub;

He has been baptized, so he will have to affect a 'fade' once he's ready to bid this miserable cult goodbye.

I don't think I would show him this site just yet, or throw 'apostate books' in his face, the shock could push his head back under the WTS water.

But do avail yourself of those very things yourself, information is your friend. Knowledge is power, but use power discretely to avoid raising alarm.

Arm yourself with Questions that Cannot Be Answered without revealing the siloiness of it all.

Why is the WTS god's one true channel again? Where does it say this in the scriptures? so forth

It sounds as if he is of two minds regarding the cult, if you can feed and nourish his doubts without awakening his cult conditioning, you may have an 'in.'

Of course, in the end, only he can decide if he wants freedom, you have to consider the possibility he will just push you out of his cel and clang the door shut.

Play it cagey and keep your cards close to your chest,

Good Luck!

Roller

HelpMe1

He actually has never been baptized.

jgnat

First, arm yourself. Learn as much about the religion as you can (from other sources). To avoid him jerking back in to the society, you need to learn how to address the cult personality. Steve Hassan's books are very good. www.freedomofmind.com

Second, find out what is the hold the religion has over him. Does he sincerely believe there is nothing better out there? Does he have trouble putting his foot down where his mother is concerned?

Third, find out what attracts him to normal life? Why did he marry you, for instance, if he wanted to be Witness all the way? Does he have hobbies and interests separate from the society? This is the person, hopefully, that you fell in love with and that you want to encourage to emerge.

Fourth, he has to respect his marriage vows and prove to family and friends that you come first. Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:7.

By the way, I'm a non-JW married to a Witness. One big difference between you and me is that we talked about everything; all our doubts and fears on making it work, before we got married. You are going to have to have those conversations now, if you want to save yourself years of heartache.

DeusMauzzim

He actually has never been baptized.

Very good! That means he can't be DF'ed. But take care, if he decides to leave, he will lose most of his social network no matter what. Your situation sounds delicate, but very hopeful. Play the game slowly and carefully, is my advice. Planning some time together looks good, slowly building a replacement network would be even better... does he have many 'worldly' friends? Take care! Deus Mauzzim

AlanF

If he's never been baptized, you're almost home free. Best to let sleeping dogs lie as far as your telling him negative things about the JW cult. The longer he's away from regular meeting attendance, the more he'll find out what normal life is like, and so when the inevitable confrontation with his mom (or other relatives) comes, it'll be easier for both of you to handle. In the meantime, by all means stay on this board and learn whatever you can about the JW cult and how to help people get out of it. Keep things low key, easy and take it slow.

AlanF

sf

Watchtower Baptism is basically a contract.

Please do an internet search with those keywords.

The FACT that you both are not contracted to this lethal organization means only one thing:

You can SIMPLY walk away.

So start walking. Away. It is truly that simple.

It is people who make it difficult. It isn't difficult to say no to policies that kill its members.

Contracting yourselves to this hideous organization means you CONDON all that IS Watchtower.

Follow your Heart.

sKally

How to get out?

Share this