by HelpMe1 34 Replies latest jw experiences
Hi Helpme1,
Apart from everything else said here I think jgnat has the best point - "we talked about everything". You guys got married for a reason and you need to learn to trust each other and talk about what you are feeling. If he has doubts - research them together. If there is something else stopping him going - talk about it. If you don't want to go - talk about it. You can't push things under the carpet. Eventually they won't fit.
Dear Helpme1,
WELCOME to the forum! We are glad you found this site, and I hope it proves to be of help to you! Seems like your husband is keeping alot bottled up inside of him. Sooner or later he will most likely tell you his feelings. I would use this time to be close and supportive. That way he will feel confident he can tell you anything. Maybe he isn't even sure of how to deal with his own feelings and or findings. Hang in there, and enjoy your "newlywedhood" (not a real word) Things will work themselves out.
Sincerely,
Lady Liberty
Hi and welcome! You have received many interesting replies here and I hope you will be helped by them. I am just wondering thought, for those who are recommending not talking about the org., isn't there a point where you need to talk about the cult and establish it for what it really is? I am thinking of posters who have been taken for a loop when an inactive Witness has suddenly become active due to some kind of life change (baby on the way, death in the family, etc.)
I am assuming that at some time, you will want to have a family, and so you wouldn't want to be surprised by a husband who all of a sudden becomes very active in the cult, for the sake of the kids. This is something you would want to establish before hand.
Best wishes, and please keep the board posted on your progress.
truthsearcher: I am just wondering thought, for those who are recommending not talking about the org., isn't there a point where you need to talk about the cult and establish it for what it really is?
Yes, but it's all in the timing. There's no use trying to reason with the "cult personality". The non-JW spouse really has to learn the difference, and not bother trying to debate the cultist. We KNOW how the proper cultists answers, they are all rehearsed in the magazines and the meetings. None of those answers will reassure the spouse. My early, newbie mistake was to go running to my husband, tears streaming down my face, begging him to leave this destructive organization. He stiffened up and started repeating robotically, "But I have the truth." Horrifying for an outsider to witness. I had triggered his cultist defence system, and it took many months to undo the damage. I want our new poster to avoid that pain.
Once she is forearmed with knowledge, she can learn to recognize when her husband's genuine personality shines through. This is the person she wants to reason with.
I do agree, however, that a few frank discussions have to be had about things like blood and the raising of children. Not that the cultist can be relied on to keep their word, however. They may renege at any time in a burst of zeal.
For couples who are dating, I recomment the non-JW partner find out as fast as they can what they are signing up for. Bring it out in the open, and figure out if you can really live this life. Our newlywed, however, has signed up for the long haul. So different advice.
Good answer, jgnat, and one based on experience since you are not a jw and your husband is. Also, ask why the jw is willing to accept some policies/doctrines of the WTS and reject others, such as dating/marrying a non-jw? Is there something they personally gain by disobeying the WTS directives some of the time? Could they gain also by rejecting other policies/doctrines? Why would God not destroy them for disobeying any doctrine the WTS puts forth as from God through them?
I grew up in a house with a father who was a non-jw and a mother who was a jw...it was frought with constant fights and division. Let this person sort of their religious beliefs but not on your time, energy, and emotions.
Blondie
