How to get out? (page 2)

sf

How to get out?

But according to you, you both are not baptized.

That means YOU NEVER WERE IN.

There is NOTHING to get out of.

Simple.

Keep it that way.

sKally

i would say the first place to start is to make plans for you both on a meeting night. This in effect tells him that you dont feel bad missing the meetings and thus he doesnt need to feel guilty on your part. But it does so without verbalizing it.

I love it when my wife says she doesnt want to go to the meeting, its the biggest relief in the world for me. Then its not me being the "bad guy" again. Remember, verbalizing your thoughts about the WS is THE TOUGHEST PART of this journey... at least for me it is. Dont force him to vocalize his feelings, if he was ready to do that he wouldnt lie to his mother. DONT put him on the spot. Even if your trying to support him he may not be ready to admit to himself what he is feeling.

Support him by your actions. Make plans for the weekend to go away or to "get something done" on a meeting night (this may inflict less guilt than recreation) If he is feeling anything like I am right now, you need to support him patiently and let him do this at his pace, at least for the time being..... IMO

I hope this helps............

bluesbreaker59

If neither of you are baptized, just continue to not go. NO ONE, I mean NO ONE, can force you into staying, they can't even punish you. Good luck in your marriage, and good luck in leaving that uber controlling book publishing company.

reneeisorym

i would say the first place to start is to make plans for you both on a meeting night. This in effect tells him that you dont feel bad missing the meetings and thus he doesnt need to feel guilty on your part. But it does so without verbalizing it.
I love it when my wife says she doesnt want to go to the meeting, its the biggest relief in the world for me. Then its not me being the "bad guy" again. Remember, verbalizing your thoughts about the WS is THE TOUGHEST PART of this journey... at least for me it is. Dont force him to vocalize his feelings, if he was ready to do that he wouldnt lie to his mother. DONT put him on the spot. Even if your trying to support him he may not be ready to admit to himself what he is feeling.
Support him by your actions. Make plans for the weekend to go away or to "get something done" on a meeting night (this may inflict less guilt than recreation) If he is feeling anything like I am right now, you need to support him patiently and let him do this at his pace, at least for the time being..... IMO
I hope this helps............

I believe this is the best advice you've gotten. Tell him you aren't interested in going to the meetings without actually telling him. Then you might be ready to talk after its been a LONG time since you've gone. It seems like you have almost got him out anyway. Just encourage this trend. Renee

HelpMe1

In reply to who asked if he had many "worldly" friends, no he does not. Since we have not been going to the meetings, the only JW we are in contact with is his mom. And the elder who keeps calling, but he does not return his calls. All of our friends are "worldly"

Mum

You have received some good insights from those who have replied to your post.

I agree with those who said it would not be a good idea to talk about it, and it would be a good idea to make plans for going out to a movie or some activity you both enjoy on meeting nights. Let the whole JW thing be the proverbial "elephant on the table;" i.e., it's there, but don't acknowledge it or make direct reference to it. Create distraction and fill up your time with other pursuits.

Regards,

SandraC

White Dove

I am 4th generation JW, was baptized, then moved away to a city where no one knows me. I joined a couple of congs because of inter-city moving and then quit going. I have not been bothered but for two occasions and they were easy to take care of: I am not going back and I don't want the magazines. Thank you anyway. Good bye. Simple.

Sarah Smiles

WELCOME!

It sound like this is a mother in law problem!

She sounds controlling toward her son and he is trying to keep the peace with her. Some mothers love to have power over their sons! I think many have been there before with the guilt trips!

You need to replace meeting nights with fun things that your husband loves to do.

Does he like the internet? When he gets on the net, sit with him and do fun research together! Start with typing in scriptures, people names, and book titles, for example Revelation 7:2,3, Charles T. Russell, and Revelation It Grand Climax Is At Hand! What ever they are studying at the meetings.

Yes show him this site! If he was raised as a JW it is better that he learns the facts instead of waiting until he is baptized! YOU might prevent future long term pain!

If he does not want to do the above then you do the reseach, print it out, and leave it on the table. First he is going to think it is just lies(denial) that is why you need to be honest with him! Next, he will have to prove to you how it is lies! do not argue just allow him to explain it. After all he knows more than you do, he was raised as a JW. Do not start with Trinity!

Buy the books!

How to get out? Just do not go anymore! like someone wrote me once on this board "Never Go Back." You control where you go!

Hope that helps!

still_in74

i would say the first place to start is to make plans for you both on a meeting night. This in effect tells him...
I believe this is the best advice you've gotten. Tell him you aren't interested in going to the meetings without actually telling him. Then you might be ready to talk after its been a LONG time since you've gone. It seems like you have almost got him out anyway. Just encourage this trend. Renee

Now if only I could figure out how to get my wife out, although I guess I would need to figure out how to get myself out first...............

Sarah Smiles

One more thought! If your husband wants to go to meetings! ask him if you could change to a different Kingdom Hall! Just one more small step!

The big moral problem you are having is that your Husband is lying to his mother!

Express to your husband that you do not like the lying! and would like to know why he feels the need to lie to his mother? Is there another way to solve the issue with out lying.

Tell your husband the next time he speaks with his mother that he should state," When you see me at the meetings, you will see me.

Perhaps you can state to your mother in law, "Please do not ask me about my attendence anymore because might force me to come up an excuse which is worse than lying, and you know what happens to liars. It is better to be in good standings with Jehovah than with you."

I hope that helps!

How to get out?

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