Give me your best JW door to door presentation

by JH 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  whyizit

  Hello, we are Jehovah's Witlesses and we are here to take control of every aspect of your life. You will have to stop doing everything that is part of normal human life and spend all your time and money screeching around doing this door to door work with us. And, if you break one of our millions of rules, you will be cut off from any family members that you are supposed to be bringing into this cult.

  Could someone print this up on postcards and send them out to people that you know are studying with the JWs? This is the closest thing to a truthful "statement of faith" I have ever come across!
• 

  Terry

  "Good-morning! I can see by your expression you aren't too thrilled to see two strangers on your doorsill this morning! Let me introduce myself and my partner here and try to make this as quick and painless as a proctology exam. Ha ha ha!"

  "Huh?!"

  "My name is Terry and this J.Hova. We are doing a marking work for the invisble King Jesus which could result in Life or Death for you and your family; depending on how your respond in the next few seconds! Ah, I see I have your attention!! Good!"

  "Wuh?"

  "I'll keep it short and sweet. We are what you call Jehovah's Witnesses and this magazine is the Watchtower. We want your money, your time, your obedience, your family and....did I mention you need to pay for this here Watchtower?"

  "Umm, I don't think....."

  "Whoa! What's that I smell? The stench of death starting to rise from inside your home? You better rethink your decision there Mr.Householder. Invisible Jesus can kill you and your wife and kids just like...that! IF you reject our message here today."

  "Guh!"

  "Let us come to your home every week and indoctrinate you with our theology which is often referred to as a cult, but, is really the only Truth around. Then, we'll make you go to our local Kingdom Hall where you can parrot answers to our studies. Shortly after, you and your family will need to get baptised. Ask whatever questions you may have about doubts BEFORE that baptism, by the way, or; you and your family will die."

  "I---um--I...."

  "You aren't listening, I can tell! Jesus came back in 1914--do you realize that? Do you know what he has been doing for 93 years? He has been directing Jehovah's Witnesses to preach a message which is never correct, but; that is just a test of our faith. The message says Armageddon is coming. So, that is all you need to know! Soon, you'll be one of us. Isn't that sweet? You'll look like us, talk like us, live like us and go to other people's doors again and again just like us. You won't have to think for yourself anymore. What do you think about that??"

  "I'm going to call a cop if you don't get the hell outta here..."

  "All TRUE Christians are persecuted, my man! You are simply identifying me as a TRUE Christian. And you are showing yourself to be a goat-like opposer! You'll die screaming as your family is struck down by Jehovah's loving extermination angels!! YOU HEAR ME? YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE if you don't buy this Watchtower!!!!"

  "Get out--go away--LEAVE!!!!"

  "Very well, thank you for your time. Have a nice day."
• 

  keyser soze

  "Hi, my name is xxxxxx, I know you don't appreciate me coming here uninvited, on a Saturday morning no less. You were probably hoping to relax after a hard week of work. What's that like, by the way, working a full-time job? Never mind, I'm getting side-tracked.

  "The reason I'm here is that I belong to a very bizarre religion that requires all it's members to go from door-to-door peddling their literature. If you could just take these two magazines I have in my hand, I will be on my way. Feel free to throw them in the trash as soon as you get inside. That's what I do with all the excess ones I can't get rid of. I just want those people in that car over there to see me presenting these to you. If that doesn't work for you, just look really angry, pretend to raise your voice, maybe stick a finger in my face for posterity. Then finish it off by slamming the door in my face."

  Of course, this was only effective when I went to the doors by myself, or with someone with my same level of zeal.
• 

  watson

  Good morning, we are Jehovah's Witnesses, and.....uh..ok...uh....well....have a good day!
• 

  Quandry

  Terry

  Your presentation was really an attention-getter. In effect, wasn't that what we were saying?

  I think it would have made the time in service more interesting, that's for sure!

  My hubbie doesn't post here, but I read your "presentation" to him. He was an elder for twenty years. He said to tell you he liked it, also.
• 

  Terry

  My hubbie doesn't post here, but I read your "presentation" to him. He was an elder for twenty years. He said to tell you he liked it, also.

  Maybe it wil make the Kingdom Ministry someday!