Would like to thow in here that one of the reasons that exwitless and I took so long to DA (as she mentioned) was because I had a cleaning business (surprise, surprise) which provided about half our income and all of my work came from just one elder. I didn't want to build the business - I wanted out of it almost as much as I wanted out of the borg. So I wasn't interested in getting other cleaning accounts. It was sheer torture wanting to leave the borg but having to play nice so that I could have the income. I know first hand and can completely relate to anyone who feels they aren't being true to themselves, etc.
Unlike the experience of many on this discussion board who don't like it when people DA and think we all should just not answer the door, our situation was...our situation. THEY WOULD NOT LEAVE US ALONE! At least once a week they would come around. Almost every weekend there for awhile, plus mid-week when we weren't home (leaving literature) and I could not, under any circumstance, raise suspicions. It was HELL always having to plaster on the fake smile. There was no way to hide from them, nor did we want to live that way in our own home. When I was finally able to quite the cleaning, we DA'd fast because we didn't have anything to lose.
But, that was us. We have no family in the borg. We wanted a clean break. We wanted to burn bridges because we didn't ever want to see 99.5% of the JWs we knew ever again. The dubs in our area are enomously persitant. For us, just seeing a damn witness minivan in the driveway is like picking a scab over and over again. We wanted them gone forever. Guess what...DA'ing does just that.
Gary is very wise though. I had to disentangle myself financially before it was safe to DA. It took a long, long time and careful planning. It is a very liberating and freeing thing to DA. However, consider very carefully the ramifications of doing so. The "your playing their game" line is not a valid reason to not DA. That is just complete bs. There is no "game" unless you want to think that they actually give a rats ass about your spirituality. But they don't. We are all just numbers to them, and they will just as happily cross you off their list of people they need to deal with if you DA as have you back in the fold if you don't. The reason to not DA is if it will make your life more miserable in the long run if you do it.
If you DA, I would just keep in mind that although it might be healing for you in some way to write a long, drawn out letter detailing all the wrongs of the borg....they will never read it. It they do, the reasoning won't matter. All you need to do to DA is just say that you officially no longer want to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses and that you want to Disassociate yourself from your congregation. Sign and date it and mail it to the Secretary. Badda Bing, done.
You might also choose to right a brief letter to any dub you actually care about. Again, if you want them to actually read it, don't bash the borg. Tell them you love them, blah, blah, whatever.
One final point and then I'll stop.
If you don't mind my advice on this...and it is only advice...the borg tells dubs what to do, how to think, what to wear...you get the idea. If you want to be free, do what is right for you. Be suspicious of motivations of people who are still trying to tell you what to think, how to feel, what to do even though they have left the borg. That means the borg mentallity is still with them in some way. It is not wrong to fade. It is also not wrong to DA. There are perfectly good reasons to do either. In the end, do what feels best to you because we aren't you and can't know your situation.
