If the b@tch is still supporting a charged sex offender, I say, put the d@mn Christmas decor up all f@cking year long, and good for you for doing it. And have a big, f@cking Christmas party once a month. You'll make lots of new friends and they will help you forget about the hags. go for it. live your life; she can live hers, right?
Pointers please in writing my letter of Disassociation!
by tremoka 27 Replies latest jw friends
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Stealth453
I am with Gary Buss on this one. 100%
For what it's worth.
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jgnat
I'll throw my hat in the ring on this one. Since you are in a small town (I've been there), the cat will be out of the bag soon anyways. There are a couple things I think you should do first.
I think ANY strategy needs to be jointly decided by you and your hubby. This is to prevent the "divide and conquer" technique used by some elders or elderettes. It seems they cannot concieve that a person can individually, without the aid of the internet or evil apostates, freely leave the society of their own will. There must be an evil influence somewhere. They'll look for it.
You and hubby make a list with three columns of the Witnesses you care about. Write down what the 'worst case' scenario would be for each of them (they never talk to us again) and ask yourselves if you can live with that. Then in the third column, write down what you might do to keep that 'worst case scenario' from coming to pass. You might, for instance, want to take that person out for dinner and explain what you are about to do, first. Reassure them of your enduring love. Patience can work wonders. Genuinely caring people find shunning as hard as you do. They may cave after a few years, and you might have a hope of a normal relationship with them.
If you decide to DA, I think you both should hand in a letter at the same time. Before you send it, send a note to, or take out to dinner, the Witnesses you care about. Don't let them get the message from the grapevine or the Kingdom Hall. After five tellings, you will be Wiccans who sacrifice small animals in your garage.
The letter does not have to list the reasons. Have the reasons handy for people who care. The elders will consider the document 'demonised' anyways. All you have to say is something like "After careful research and thought, I have concluded that the Witnesses are not following God or the truth. To be true to my own conscience, I must disassociate myself from your organization. You are free to contact me in the next month if you are interested in the details of my decision, but I ask that you respect my privacy and my choice ever afterwards."
If you choose NOT to DA yourself, you can let the gossip mill do it's work. Just start living your life. Treat everyone the same (Gary Busselman approach). Don't accept rude behavior, and if anyone shuns you, say loudly, "That was very rude!" and turn your back on them.
Oh, and yes, talk about the implications to your children. Make sure they are prepared for the backlash at school. I know one exited witness where her child is regularly approached at school by her Witness friend's mother, "We miss you at the meetings." Divide and conquer "You may have left, but we have your children."
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emptywords
Just play it by ear...do what would be best for all (if thats possible) DA is just that DA and involves shunning, and other issues, need to get out of the emotion and ask questions relevant to the DA.
I would simply just not do nothing, and leave the ball in there court and be evasive. Saying nothing says a lot.
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tremoka
To LDB and Exwitless,
My experience is quite simular to yours. Likewise there's no way for us to hide from them! Yes we also have a cleaning business and this has been something that has held us back from openly living our lives as we choose to. Just recently we lost a contract that was under an Elder. All our other work is ours with no JW affiliation.
My family is not part of the borg. My husbands mother and sister are and some extended family that we never have contact with anyway. My hubby's other sister and husband are underground exjws and in the same mindset as us. Although I believe it may not be in their best interest to take the same action I am able to do. I almost feel I should discuss this matter with them at least to see how it would affect them. They live in another town and have been able to live somewhat away from the "microscope" than what we have. I wish my situation was more like theirs.
The letter I am going to write will be more of a resignation or withdrawal of membership. Simple and to the point and a threat of legal action if they continue to "harrass" me or my family. For the mother in law all she needs to know is that for whatever reason I am no longer part of the WTS. She can draw her own conclusions. I think if all at once we all openly left it would kill her. So perhaps by myself getting the ball rolling it may adjust her to it more gradually. She'd only be left with one child left in the borg although who I don't think has even been to a meeting this year. I will continue to have the best relationship with her as I can-ultimately it's up to her. The kids love her and respect that everyone has different belief systems.
You are right, every situation for each individual is unique. Each person must decide which is best for themselves. The benefits of cutting all ties far outweigh the consequences. The shit may hit the fan but in the long run our lives will be our own!!!!! Nothing worth while is easy.
I've faded for 3 years. For my situation it has not had the results needed. I do it out of love for myself, family and for what is in our best interests. Not out of the heat of emotion as was earlier suggested by some. When it is done it will be done with strategy, caution, careful planning and with utmost consideration and respect for those involved. It will not be rushed into! But in the end I must live with myself and I'm responsible for my children. What peace of mind it finally brought when I made the conscious realisation that this must be done!
The kids are begging me to do it!!!!! They've had enough. They're even scared to answer the door if its a JW or answer the phone! LOL My son helped decorate the floats for the Santa Clause parade this year, the whole time he was stressed that JWs would see him! Yeah-they need not worry about them anymore-I'm taking care of it!!!!
Thanks for sharing your expertise! I admire you both for what you've accomplished this year! Hey, when all is said and done I think we should have a Break Free, Live Free Celebration!
Thanks again guys!
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tremoka
To jgnat:
These are the pointers I've been looking for. AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME suggestions! I really like the "list" idea. I'll show my hubby this topic and your post- this will help us execute our plan. I likewise think it may be a good idea to jointly send in the letter. I think it's more the effect it would have on his mother, more consideration for her that prevents us from resigning together. This way I end up t the BAD guy! & he's more in the safety zone! hahaha Or perhap this wouldn't be good. We'll figure it out. We'll see what happens. Thank you!
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exwitless
Tremoka - good luck to you on your DAing. I promise you, you won't regret it. It sounds like you've thought it through. Enjoy your freedom! And yes, you should have a big old party to celebrate the beginning of the rest of your life.
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ush419
Just fade fade fade, afterawhile, they should fade fade too. Just don't let yourself be controlled b y them They constantly want to tell you they have the truth, but all they have is doom and gloom which are big for contributing to stress. We don't need the stress, if all else fails, tell them you have a few problems, incontinent etc and that you can't stay away from a needed room too long. Or just tell them you are tired of their particular brand of bullshit and be done with it. You don't owe them anything.