staying "in Truth" for family--is it worth it?...hyporcrite needing help (page 6)

oompa

weird...it wont let me post now in ie???

i agree elder...he will figure it all out in his own way...it is an individual experience...and he knows i have his back no matter what!!!....oompa

I think it's crazy that so many HAVE to go through the fiasco of fading. The Society (and JWs themselves) must KNOW that many members are just 'pretending' (if this site is being monitored, then it's quite obvious). What I don't understand, is that the Society/family would still want 'us' to 'go through the motions' even if it makes us miserable and unhappy.

Oh, didn't realise 'oompah' is a reincarnated name. I'm curious now, lol.

cantleave

We tried fading, but having to look over your shoulder all the time and the inability to live a truly free life was not worth the hassle.

Being DF'd was a real relief.

nugget

Fading with an autistic child was a constant mental juggling act. It was unhealthy and impossible to maintain. We had to be honest with ourselves and with our children and if they saw us living a lie they would be taught to hide what they felt and thought. Because we kept them informed what we were doing and why it helped them to make a smooth transition. It was important that we took the responsibility and didn't leave our children in the position that they could out us by accident and then feel guilty that they had done a bad thing.

Walking away with our heads held high gave them the message that this was a positive step.

Quendi

I read oompa's story about his son with interest. When I was disfellowshipped back in 2005, I worked hard to get reinstated and hoped that in a year's time that would happen. However, matters did not go as planned. By the time that first year had ended, I knew TTATT, and realized that I would not be able to 'carry on as normal' if I were reinstated. So I decided that once I was reinstated, I would do a "slow fade" and give myself a peaceful and quiet exit.

My subsequent war with the judicial committee, ended all those plans. Their hypocrisy and lies were getting harder for me to deal with. Then I finally realized that if I had acknowledged TTATT, I would also have to acknowledge the same about me. I am a gay man, and as such there is absolutely no place for me in this homophobic organization--none whatsoever. What I was seeking was the impossible: that I would be allowed to stay in the congregation if and only if I denied who I truly was. That was completely unacceptable.

It took time for me to understand this. I had decided to give the judicial committee one last chance to grant reinstatement. Their refusal to do so on the grounds that even though five years had passed since my being disfellowshipped, they felt they needed still more time to determine whether I was "repentant" was the straw that broke the camel's back. I then realized that disfellowshipping was a two-way street. I cut off all association with the organization, telling those few Witnesses who still maintained contact with me that I was through with the religion forever, and would never, under any circumstances, attend another meeting of Jehovah's Witnesses again. Some have accepted that decision and kept our friendship. Others have ended it, but I'm fine with their choice.

I have a lot of respect for faders because life on such a high wire must be fraught with stress. If I knew back in 2005 what I know now, I wouldn't have waited to be disfellowshipped but would have disassociated myself. Now that I am out, I would advise anyone else to do likewise. I know that isn't possible or even realistic for many. Indeed, I have a close Witness friend back in Colorado who is fading now because the collateral damage an abrupt departure or disassociating would cause would be too great for him and his family. At the same time, he has told me he wished he could simply burn his bridges and walk away free; but that for now, facing a choice of evils, fading is the least harmful of them. I keep him in my thoughts and prayers, awaiting the day when he and his loved ones will finally be emancipated.

Quendi

oompa

nugget...awesome catch on that situation possibly arising if your kid cant perfectly live YOUR lie!!!.....quendi...i am so glad you are free....i wasted years trying to get my wife and son out...i finally feel a peace i have NEVER felt before....

FEARLESS....crazy but that is something i have never felt before on this level....still getting used to it...but i love it so far........oompa