for married people only

teejay

There's a running debate I have going with my wife. Here it is:

I have the opinion that it is very possible for married people to have friends of the opposite sex without the idea of a sexual encounter entering into the picture. She disagrees, saying that once you're married, the marriage mate should be enough to offer you all you need in the way of companionship, conversation,etc.

Let's say you're running an errand at the mall and happen to see someone of the opposite sex that you have known for years (your mate knows/doesn't know them... doesn't matter) and you decide to grab a cup of coffee and have a two-hour chat. I see nothing wrong with it, for me OR my wife.

If one of my wife's male friends calls the house and I answer, I see nothing wrong in giving her the phone and her talking to them for as long as she wants.

As far as I'm concerned, it's all about trust and an acceptance that our mates have friendships with others.

Any comments? Am I crazy or normal?

OUTLAW

You start spending time with other weman,9time`s out of ten,your gonna have trouble with your woman.It`s just the way it is.

peacepipe

Normal; however, my husband has lots of close friends who are women and I have no problems with it nor do I have any worries about those relationships (you are right about trust and acceptance with your mate -that is top priority) but I tend to wonder if I was hanging out for hours at a time with a male friend(s) if he would be bothered by it(because I think he would). However, maybe your wife has good reason to be concerned. Maybe your a real hotty and she has to keep close tabs on you or maybe she's known you a verrrrry long time and knows how friendly you can be and worries other women might sway you the wrong way. We'd have to hear more of her side of the story too. But if mates have true trust and love their should be no concerns with opposite sexed friends.

PeacePipe

Lift me up, I've had enough. . .Tom Petty

Eyebrow

I have no problem with my husband having female friends...although I do get jealous, haahaa!

I must admit that it would bother me if he had coffee with her for two hours, or really anyone for any matter without letting me know where he was.

I think a nice rule of thumb is that you don't spend a great deal of time with your opposite sex friends alone, out of respect for your mate.

Mommie Dark

My best friends in high school were both guys. One of them, a letterman in three sports, used to piss his gorgeous blond girlfriend off by dropping her off at 10 after a movie and then coming to hang with me, sometimes gabbing until dawn. She knew we weren't doing the tango of lust but it still annoyed hell out of her.

My hubby's best online bud is a woman; they call each other 'Twin' and share computer stuff that I'm too ignorant to understand.

Genuine friendship is IMO genderless, and intelligent and honest people are able to keep recreational sex from rearing its ugly head between friends.

Papa and I both have lots of friends of both sexes and it's never been a problem. Jealousy? Doesn't come around here much. Papa D is my best bud though and I know when he wants his very best bud he comes to me. We trust one another completely, but then we are weird in lots of other ways so maybe our experience is unique.

FWIW I agree with you (wonders never cease do they LOL).

Princess

My friend's husband stays with their kids on Fridays while she works. We frequently take our kids places together or just go to each others houses for the afternoon. Neither my friend or my husband have any problem with this. Maybe it helps to have four kids running around! I think if we were going off alone it would be different. I see nothing wrong with your coffee at the mall scenario either.

Princess

Francois

Marriage should not imply complete monopoly of personality by either party.

Most of my friends are female, and I'm not in the least interested in nailing all of them or any of them. I lived in an apartment which had been carved out of one of my female friend's house. I was single. Lived in that apartment three years. I think I got one hug at Christmas one year, no heavy breathing at all.

Been married now 8 years, but when I have to go to Atlanta and want to avoid paying for a hotel room, I stay with my friend from paragraph #2. I stay in the guest bedroom. No heavy breathing.

And no trouble with the wife.

I think it has to do with everyone being an adult.

Francois

Bridgette

I agree with most of the above posters. Both my husband and I have many friends of the opposite sex. We even do the "coffee/lunch thing now and then." He even took my daughter with him one time when he met a friend for lunch. I don't get jealous, and neither does he. It's a trust thing. Plus we love each other madly. and we do ALOT together, including traveling. But you still need to keep your identity, by still being your own person. It keeps it like dating if you're not up each other's ass all the time.
We just decided BEFORE we got married that we would keep our individuality. I wouldn't have it any other way. If he wants to go play golf with his friends for a whole Saturday--fine by me. If I want to go with my friends to the Sambucca Jazz club for a weekend evening--fine by him. My first husband was so jealous and possessive--it was AWEFUL.
Loving life,
B.

think41self

Hi Teejay,

I agree with most of the other responses here. I have no problem with my hubby having friends of the opposite sex. He occasionally does have coffee or lunch with them, no problem. Just because you're married is an excellent reason TO have outside interests and friends. By keeping our own individuality and broadening our own experiences through personal growth, we maintain the "sparkling personalities" that probably attracted our mate to us in the first place.

I think honesty and discussing any jealousy you feel, even if you're ashamed of it, is the key to making it work. If your mate has a real problem with one particular person, you should be considerate of their feelings, EVEN if it's really their own issues, and nothing you've done that causes them concern. I'm not saying you couldn't be friends with that person, but an honest discussion with your mate about why they feel uncomfortable, and discussing scenarios they may feel comfortable with, might be a good idea. Just a suggestion!

think41self

"Not believing is not the same as not knowing."

OUTLAW

What a bunch of nice people!

for married people only

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