by Missanna 26 Replies latest jw friends
I think calling them on it and using humor is the best. I did shun my parents and 3 of my siblings when I first left. They played the on/off game and I got tired of it. Once I started shunning them they didn't like it and started calling me more often!
They don't like it when you shun them, they only like it when they are hurting you!
nj
I do shun JWs. I do not think it is hypocritical, and I do not think I am lowering myself to their level, because I am fully aware of why I am shunning them: they are fundies who will not think twice before doing something really damaging to me or my loved ones if their leadership tells them so. I also would shun the taliban if I had them near.
No, it is not immature to set boundaries and to stand for yourself, protecting your sanity. that they are doing this to you is yet another example of how above common humane principles JWs think they are. It is our duty to show them that they are not, that their behavior is not tolerable, and that they have to face the consequences of their arrogant actions.
gosh this got me fuming!
wish you the best,
Ro
I like the 'humor' approach, too. I also think that some may 'unshun' when they want/need something from you. If that is the case, I would also let them know...
"Oh. So, now that you need money (or whatever) it's okay to not 'shun' me. How convenient. Well, I've got news for you. My wallet/purse is 'shunning' you."
Turn it into humor - and make them squirm. Another example...
{jw friend approaches and starts talking like nothing has ever happened}
{you - putting ear to purse} "What's that?" {talking to purse} "You're right!" {talking to jw} My purse just reminded me that you were shunning me recently, and doesn't think that I should be talking to you."
Something like this may appear ridiculous... and it should. Perhaps they will 'get the hint'.
Regards,
Jim TX
It seems that if they are doing this "off/on/off/on" routine with talking to us, they are not being honest whith others about their association with us. I just told my family that I would talk to them as long as they were open and honest about it with other JWs. I told her that I adopted a strict code of honesty once I left. Making them "come out" with it forces them to stick to the decision longer.
And there is nothing wrong with honesty. It doesn't put you at their level to just require them to be open about their actions.
I'm with those who said they would not lower themselves to their level. When you love someone you treat them with dignity and respect.
changeling
Missanna, dear, I think there is a larger issue here than "to shun or not to shun." What you are doing is giving them all of the power in the relationship, and they are treating you like an object that they can use and put back on the shelf at their convenience. You call the shots. You get into the driver's seat. Missanna is not the little doormat they thought, right? Regards, SandraC
Missanna:
Because this is your sister, you should ask her a question as to why she goes back and forth with her shunning routine. Ask her if she is doing this because she wants something from you - like money. You will probably know the answer to this because you know about her lifestyle, etc. If you suspect that this is all about money or a big favor, tell her point blank that you love her but she is being hypocritical and you will not stand for being used and that you have no intentions of giving her anything.
Tell her to go ask her so-called 'spiritual' friends.
LHG
