As a JW were you ever counseled about clothes you wore, or lack thereof ?

by flipper 125 Replies latest jw friends

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  flipper

  Hello there, Mr. Flipper here. I noticed a bit of debating here. Thought I would comment from a non perv man's perspective. I'm certainly no pervert, but I do appreciate a well dressed attractive looking woman. Calico, I was married for 19 years many moons ago to a woman who did not dress appealingly for me or herself because she was insecure with herself. It wasn't that way when we first dated. But she stopped caring to impress me. And when I would try to look good for her she said, " I don't want to compliment you, because it might give you a big head." That hurt. How I wanted to hear from her I was a good looking guy. All of us want validation, it's best if it comes from the one you love, but if it doesn't it's nice to hear it from others too.

  My wife now is 52 and she dresses appealingly and attractive. I'm drawn to that. That's not wrong, it's comforting to know she is secure with herself and wants to please me too. Also she thinks I'm hot, that really boosts my ego! So I'm trying to say is we each need to impress our mates, and work hard at pleasing them , then maybe they won't look that much at others. I know I don't stare and gawk! I have the woman I want
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  jaguarbass

  I was told my hair was too long. I even remember a brother pulling it at an assembly.

  I gave him a nasty look.

  He was a red neck with green teeth.

  But I did cut it for armegedeon.

  Which was a big dissapointment.

  The new order was even more of a let down.
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  exwitless

  Ah, tube skirts and Dr. Scholls's sandals. Good times; good times.
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  calico

  what we don't want are perverts staring at us so that they can go run and tell on us and complain how we are distracting them, men like your husband have the choice to look away.

  Are all men who look perverts? How do you know which ones are? I suppose if he is old and unappealing you don't want him to look at you--if he's good looking, then that's okay?

  My point is that it was not loving for a christian woman to dress in a provocative way at the meetings. When you dress that way it is to get the attention of men--most of whom at the KH were already married. For that matter a lot of the sisters who pulled that crap were married, too. No one ever wants to admit the real reason they dressed that way--nothing wrong with feeling pretty--BUT I DON'T BUY THAT EXCUSE!

  There was a young girl who was studying and flirting with my husband at the meetings--the sister who was studying with her was a friend of mine--in fact she has posted on this board. She repeated to me how this girl was interested in my husband and she thought it was funny! WTF! So much for my feelings, huh?
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  John Doe

  A secure person doesn't mind if their partner looks at other people, and realizes that wanting so much control over the other person to prevent them from looking is unrealistic. We're all human. If you get your feeling hurt because an attractive person walks by your partner and is dressed sexily, the problem is yours and not anyone else's.
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  calico

  A secure person doesn't mind if their partner looks at other people, and realizes that wanting so much control over the other person to prevent them from looking is unrealistic. We're all human. If you get your feeling hurt because an attractive person walks by your partner and is dressed sexily, the problem is yours and not anyone else's.

  I was waiting for someone to say this! It hurts whether you are secure or not--the problem is not mine--it is my husband that has the problem. I don't want control over him---he is married to me--I am supposed to be the one that he finds attractive.

  Besides, I want some women to answer my question--why did they dress in a provocative way at the meetings? In my opinion they are insecure. Can't catch a man with their personality!
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  John Doe

  I am supposed to be the one that he finds attractive.

  This is a very unrealistic way to feel. Do you really think people only find "one" person attractive? Do you understand biology? And yes, it is your problem. Insecurity is a very unattractive thing to most people.
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  calico

  So...it's my fault if my husband finds someone else attractive.
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  calico

  This is a very unrealistic way to feel.

  It's unrealistic to expect my husband to find me attractive? You're weird!
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  John Doe

  You're missing the point. Your being hurt is your fault, or rather it's a result of not understanding human nature. The point is that you have nothing to do with your husband being attracted to someone else. The problem is thinking you do or you should. Except for a select few individuals, (like me :-)), there will always be someone more attractive than you out there. For a man to not have an inclination to look at a beautiful woman, he is either a homosexual or severely repressed.