nope
As a JW were you ever counseled about clothes you wore, or lack thereof ?
by flipper 125 Replies latest jw friends
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John Doe
You sound pretty distant from him. Do you like each other?
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Highlander
Calico,
On the bright side, I can almost guarantee that he is as unhappy with the marriage as you are.
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noni1974
I had a group of friends who every Friday night would go to a local bar for kareoke.It was held upstairs so we weren't actually in the bar so it was ok.One night I had a dress on that had a low cut neck line with buttons on it.I had the buttons undone.I was sitting by an elders wife.She felt the need to put her hand down my top and button my buttons all the way to my throat.She told me she could see my breasts when I bent down.I had 38 D's and I was 19.
I promptly unbuttoned my dress back to the way it was.I told her I was an adult and I dress myself since I was at least 5 years old and my Mom didn't have a problem with it so why should I.
Other than that one time I got away with wearing whatever I wanted.I tended to go with long skirts anyway so the only thing anyone could have ever said to me was I wasn't wearing panty hose or I was wear combat boots to the hall.Nobody ever said anything even if they did I wouldn't care.As a matter of fact I was told I dressed very nice and had a style of my own that others admired.
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Dragonlady76
Calico,
You seem to be jealous and very insecure, after reading your last few posts I can see why,
It's no ones fault that your husband notices other women, it's human nature, it's unreasonable for you to expect him not to.
I have been married a few years and I have no problem when my husband looks at other women, sometimes I point them out I will say " Jay check out her figure, damn" and it's ok! I can say this because I am comfortable with myself and feel secure in my marriage, I aslo trust my husband. Before you go on blaming other women for dressing sexy and being attractive, stop and think about what's really bothering you. It's really petty for you to blame others for the problems in your life, with that attitude you will never attain inner peace.
You need to talk to your spouse and tell him how you feel and try to work things out, if he loves you he will understand and work on that.
I hope this helps you.
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Dragonlady76
John Doe
Intelligence is also very sexy!
I would like to add that my husband loves it when I dress sexy, he gets a kick out of seeing other men look at me, because he knows at the end of the day I am the one by his side.
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ness
excuse me, but did I read correctly calico? your husband is studying with a younger sister? wtf??
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flipper
CALICO- After seeing all the back and forth with others I wanted to say a few things. I want you to know I am really sorry your husband has treated you this way. When you first started posting on this thread and reading your takes, I wasn't aware of the extent your guy looks at other women, what with beating off to porn and all. I feel sad for you my friend.I can see why it has driven you to suspect men in general. I hope you and your husband can talk as Dragonlady said and open up about problems and get professional counseling on things. It just might help heal some things in your marriage.
That being said, I want people here to see the difference between a man who stares and gawks at a good looking woman foaming at the mouth with drool for 5 minutes straight as opposed to a man who sees a good looking woman in passing and says , " Oh! She's a good looking woman." Then he moves on to his daily activity. CALICO you asked in one thread as to how you can tell which man is a perv and which man isn't , that's how. The first guy is a perv, the second guy I talked about is normal. Jesus said , " A man that KEEPS ON looking at a woman to have a passion for her, yadda, yadda, yadda." So there is the difference. If your husband is like the first man, foaming at the mouth, I am sorry for the hurt he has caused in your life. I have been hurt by infidelity by a girlfriend once , and it is demeaning and hurts your self esteem beyond belief. As would what you have gone through, I understand. But please don't lump all of us men in the same category. Some of us are more classy and dignified than others.
JOHN DOE and HIGHLANDER- Hello guys. Just wanted to say that now, I too am in a relationship with Mrs. Flipper and we only have eyes for each other. When each of us make an occasional comment ," Oh! That man or woman is attractive, we don't freak out on each other because the comment is made in passing." We love each other and know it isn't serious. If we were to each stand there gawking and keep talking about it for 5 minutes or so, then there would be cause for concern because it would indicate we want more attention from others than each other. So I think we should be sensitive to what CALICO is going through here. It's more extreme for her because she has been hurt by her insensitive husband.
DRAGONLADY76- Hope I'm making some sense of what the misunderstanding here is in this debate. I'm just trying to create some peace so people understand the difference between a perv man, and non perv man. None of us can lump and generalize people into one basket. People are different with the situations they go through and all of us need to understand that. There seem to be serious reasons CALICO is insecure here. Not just her fault she has them. Her environment of being dissed by her husband sexually and otherwise has really hurt her sexual confidence. So I feel we all need to acknowledge that here , to help her see she's not all to blame. Like I said, there is a HUGE difference between men foaming at the mouth with tongues hanging out rubbing themselves looking at a woman, and a man who in passiong looks at a pretty woman and says," Oh! Nice looking woman," and proceeds on to his day , not making a career out of dwelling on it. My wife and I tend to have that balanced view in our marriage because we've experienced different things and have learned and grown from them. Am I making any kind of sense here folks?? Please reply and give me some feedback?? Thanks, peace out to all my poster friends and may we proceed in an understanding ., compassionate way. Peace
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John Doe
I agree with your post flipper. Aside from the broad definition of perversion, pretty spot on.
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5go
I wore a berret to the hall once before I realized they really don't care for you look diffrent from every body.
Though when I wore it the the DC a bunch of people kept asking where in france I was from.