How Long???

Xena

I have been drifting for about 1 1/2 years now and was hoping that in a year or two I would have distanced myself enough from the org. that I can actually start living my life exactly the way I want to...aka celebrating the holidays by putting lights on the house, not having to tell my daughter not to say anything about going trick or treating, getting birthday presents or going to cheerleader camp. But I read some posts in the disfellowhiping thread started by somebody where people have been inactive for 3 years and are still disfellowhiped! When does it end? When are you no longer considered one of them?

I don't want to d/a myself because then it would be hard for some of my family members to justify still associating with me...lol I just want it to be over..someday...so is there any hope at all????

hillary_step

Xena,

It very much depends on your body of elders.

There is an unwritten five year rule with the CO's but I have continually seen this breached over the years. I will say that 18 months is not long enough to avoid the processing of a JC even with an understanding body of elders. I you want to share friendship with your family, a little patience shown now, frustrating though it is to do, will be of much value to you in your future and that of your family.

The process is eased by not discussing anti-WTS matters with any JW and just being viewed as a spiritually weak person. Pity will then be your friend rather than judgment your enemy.

Be good - HS

Xena

Thanks for your reply HS. So I wonder if there any written rules on this kind of thing?? Probably not due to legal "issues" that might arise.

lol I will just keep telling myself..patience is a virtue...patience is a virtue...

>Pity will then be your friend rather than judgment your enemy.<

Excellent thought!

SixofNine

As Hillary pointed out (does this sound like a WT study comment, or what? ), it is a balancing act. Balancing your desire to completely do your own 'thang', with your desire to keep certain relationships, if not healthy, at least semi-functional.

I think that the more open you can be with your family, getting them to accept you as someone who just has NO interest in being a JW, the less you have to worry one way or the other what the local gestapo will do. Of course, some family/families just will not accept that w/o shunning, with or with out the congregation taking action.

I'd recommend going all out for her B-day, do the cheerleading thing w/no worries, meet me in Waco to trick or treat, or just egg some baptist' houses, and for christmas, you can come decorate my tree. I'll try to think of something special for MLK day too.

Xena

Cool Six...I can come and decorate your house too???

It just never ceases to amaze me the strangle hold this religion can have....damn I wish my mom had never opened that door!!!! lol then of course I probably never would have met all you nice people and that really would be a shame!!!!!

LizardSnot

Xena,
I like to say things simply. So, here goes.
When I left the JW's, I didn't worry about whether or not I needed to disassociate myself or let them do it for me.
I simply chose not to recognize their authority over me anymore. Xena, they have no spiritual, legal or monitary hold on you.
You are free to live your life as you choose.
I could go on an on about my personal beliefs in Christ, but the fact remains, the only "people" we are REALLY accountable to are our families, the government and our debtors. No one else can legally control us.
I hope you can take a little comfort in that.
Lizard

"Most of what you've ever worried about will never come to pass"
-Heard from John Hagee on TBN

radar

Lizard snott

___________________________________________________________
I simply chose not to recognize their authority over me anymore.
_________________________________________________________________

And that is the key! If everyone chose this, organisations like these would cease to have any power.
They are only what people make em!

Radar

Xena

Thank you for your imput Lizard and radar..my only problem with your solution is that they DO have a hold on my family and through them indirectly on me...my family is the ONLY thing that ties me to the JW's anymore and I don't want to be forced to lose them. So if I do my own thing and they decided to d/f because if it...even though I no longer go to meetings or identify myself as a JW...the family memebers that don't shun me right now might feel pressured to start shunning me.

It would just be nice to know that there was some kind of time limit...lol your membership expires if you don't renew after a certain amount of time (with no penalites)...

pettygrudger

in my last convo w/my mom - I asked her if there was such a thing as a "get out of jail free" card due to extenuating circumstances. She's looking into it...so will let ya know!! It's been 16 years for me, and I tell my 14 y.o. to be careful about what he tells grandma about his life. She still will associate w/him, so I guess it does depend on congregations. I've found that I don't really want to deal w/family members still in the Borg - every conversation is depressing and they are so obsessed w/"the end". They have been since I was born, and probably their parents before them and so on and so on and so on.....

Xena

Please let me know what you find out petty! We have considered broaching the subject with an elder...the old what if...but that would mean we would actually have to TALK to an ELDER...I would much rather wait to hear back from you!

I hear you on the subject of JW relatives! Most of them I am more than happy to let "shun" me. But there are a few that I would miss and I know my daughter would miss them too, so we try to stay out of trouble

How Long???

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