My mom's gone again .....Rejection #3

reneeisorym

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/140674/1.ashx

The beginning of the story above ....

Ok so now for an update. My mom left my dad in May so here we are in September and she informed me that she is going back officially to my dad today. My dad is a hardshell former Elder JW. (He's not an elder because she left him and something to do with porn -- eeewwwwwwww this is my dad we are talking about!!!) My mom has been talking to me and even visiting but apparently that is all about to change again.

She told me that she felt like she had to make a choice between my dad and me and she basically chose my dad. She said SHE would feel better now because she knows I'm happy, but not to call her anymore because Dad won't allow it. She wants to e-mail me and keep up with me but not visit or talk on the phone.

I am so tired of this mess. My mom comes into my life and then out .. in and out ... I can't take this. I think I have about decided that I must have her all or not at all. She is going to have to choose to either be in my life or not. I can't just have her email often enough for me to get upset and cry.

I think it will be worse when I have kids. She's not going to come in and out on my children. They will never know her if she can't be 100% grandmother. I asked her about that and she said that it hasn't happened yet...

Keep us all in your prayers if you pray.

Thanks for all of the support you guys give to me. I can't explain how much it means.

Renee

Sassy

I'm so sorry.. I know it sounded so hopeful before..

this is pretty much the roller coaster my sister went through with my mom.. she was dfd young and when she turned 18, my mom told her she could have no more contact.. then years later when mom got DFd (for 5 yrs) she was back in her life.. then she went back to the dubs and cut my sister off again.. so now my sister pretty much has nothing to do with her because she either wants her in her life or not at all..

Its hard.. now mom thinks since her health is bad, its ok to have "SOME" contact with us... but for how long? till the elders say it isn't?? its hard to know what to do.. but we love our moms ya know..

my heart goes out to you

reneeisorym

I just can't see how she can be DFed and not talk to any JWs and not talk to me.. and not talk to any worldly people....

Thanks though sassy. I'm glad you understand.

megsmomma

Renee...I soooo feel for you. I have been DA'd for 8 years now...and my mom was gone, then after I had the baby (a year and half ago) she came around and then left again...and here I was just letting her break my heart again and again. Finally I had to cut the ties for my own sanity. (Not that she would talk to me, but, I decieded even if she was willing to, I would not be.) It hurts like heck....but, it is a relief too in a way. I know it is not the same situation, but I can relate.

I am sorry you have to go through this. I do hope things work out better in your situation. I will keep you in my prayers.

Jim_TX

Renee, sorry to hear about this development. I think that being a JW... well... it's gotta be difficult. They are basically messed up in the head.

Think about it. They are supposedly against (and often-times aghast at) violence... and yet, they are preaching one of the most violent events in history - armageddon.

So - when it comes to family - they have to switch off any 'emotions' - especially if they aren't a jw.

*sigh*

Actually... they're just like their 'god'.

Regards,

Jim TX

Scully

I'm really sorry to hear that this is happening to you again.

It's so difficult to maintain a relationship with someone like this because it is always on their terms. You don't get a say in how the relationship goes, and you are at the mercy of their whims and loyalty-du-jour.

So she's going back to your dad - the guy who insists on toeing the line to the WTS's edicts. The guy who is apparently NOT infallible. The guy who thinks so highly of his own self-righteous behaviour that he can treat you with contempt and utter disregard, yet demand mercy and forgiveness from your mother and the congregation. You, on the other hand, must feel the continued sting of his disapproval. You haven't done anything wrong or immoral, you simply disagreed with his belief system and chose to find your own path. Does that seem fair to you?

FWIW, so many of us are in the same boat with regard to JW relatives. A counsellor once asked me why do I allow this to continue? They aren't going to change, we can't compel them to change - it has to be up to them. The dynamic is so unhealthy and toxic. Do we, as adult children of JWs, still feel the need to have our parents' approval or some form of validation from them, even though we know they are not in a condition to offer those things to us?

Sometimes the only sane thing we can do is to let them go and not let them back into our lives. We all deserve to have peace. Let the WTS show them what kind of loyalty it has in return for their loyalty to the organization. When that day comes, it will be a rude awakening for many JWs who have treated their children so badly.

PEC

Renee, normally I would say, never give up hope, she might wake up and leave the Dubs. But, not in your case, as long as you Dad is a Dub, you should keep them both out, it is time for you to get off the rollercoaster and walk away.

It won't be easy; but, we will always be here for you.

Philip

steve2

Hey there Renee,

I feel for what you're going through. I've said it before but it can always do with repeating: It's a very responsible thing to have parents. They can be a constant worry with their immature and juvenile ways! The older they get, the more remote the possibility that they will ever grow up!

Steve

reneeisorym

I keep getting this advice from other x-jws that I should show them love no matter what and that I really am a better person now.

I really think though that letting them do this is not loving. "Enabling" her to send me emails and check on me but not call or be part of my life is letting her not make a decision about where she stands. They should be made to stick to their convictions! If they are going to be JWs, I feel like holding them to that decision isn't so bad!

I am here waiting for open arms the moment they decide to come out, be honest, and DA. Then I'll open my arms wide. But if she can't tell my dad and the rest of the JWs that she calls it quits and comes to me for GOOD, I'm not playing her game. And my future children will not be hurt by her game.

Thanks for the support. It is so great to have people who really understand.

Renee

oompa

One way or another it is time to HAVE IT OUT! Unless she is just INCAPABLE of reasoning out ANYTHING, she will at least know how you feel, and you should probably make her feel like a horrible person! Look what this would do to your kids, can she not see that?????

AAAARERRRRGGGGHHHH......oompa

My mom's gone again .....Rejection #3

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