My mom's gone again .....Rejection #3 (page 2)

changeling

I'm sorry renee.

I bet she changes her tune when the grandkids arrive. But you should have a heart to heart with her, laying down some ground rules when the time comes.

Take care,

changeling

Quandry

I couldn't have said it any better than Scully:

So she's going back to your dad - the guy who insists on toeing the line to the WTS's edicts. The guy who is apparently NOT infallible. The guy who thinks so highly of his own self-righteous behaviour that he can treat you with contempt and utter disregard, yet demand mercy and forgiveness from your mother and the congregation.

Oh, yes, when caught, he did not want to be shut out from others, did he? And although he does want to toe the line with respect to shunning you, he apparently didn't see the need to toe the line with regard to the WTS stance on porn. (Ewwwwww) So,still, he prefers the appearance of righteousness in front of others in the congregation.

And mom wants to sneak around behind his back, pretending she has no contact with you at all. She wants to have her cake and eat it, too.

I feel sorry for mom. Things aren't going right for her. She obviously loves you very much, and is not really choosing not to have any contact with you, because she wants to e-mail you. But she can't buck dad, who doesn't want her to see you face to face.

I don't know what I'd do, except explain to mom how much her decision hurts you. Then of course, I'd cry because I would be hurt very deeply.

All they are willing to do to keep up appearances........

Bumble Bee

((((((Renee))))))

I've been following your story with your mom, and know this must be very difficult for you, having her come in and out of your life like this.

Big hugs to you!

BB

Guest with Questions

I just want you to know how badly I too feel for what you are going through. Your mother sounds so confused to me, much like my own mother. I totally understand your need for her to make a commitment to you but I doubt that she is able to. Many women are so dependant on a man. Even if the relationship is difficult, they would rather suffer through that than live alone. That is the case with my mother. Thankfully her husband hasn't interfered with our relationship yet. But if that ever happened he would have to deal with her children.

It always amazes me how a family member, especially a parent, can behave like this, for what? For an organization that isn't even the truth. I don't believe for a moment that this is what God wants of us, to basically withold love and affection from their own children.

If I remember right you got married this summer. I hope the two of you really cherish each other. Take care.

OnTheWayOut

I understand where you are coming from. You just can't take Mom staying out of your
life and pretending to be in it through e-mail. She should be able to make a stand to
your father, saying she will see her own daughter. Since she won't, the ultimatum
will force her hand. I am pretty sure she will initially choose Dad, but will be sorry
for excluding you later. You might be right to give that ultimatum.

Ultimately, right or wrong, love or bitterness, understanding or not, it doesn't really
matter what others think. You can gather up advice, but it sounds like an emotional
decision. "I can't take this" or "I can take this."

Sorry to hear your mother's yo yo processing. Wish you strength.

reneeisorym

So you all know that I'm torn about what to do .....

So here it comes .. she sent me the first email in a week. It was a devotional from Joel Osteen. (NOT who I want her listening to by the way) .. When she went to church, the preacher gave an illustration about Peter walking on water and how he never would have gotten that experience if he did not trust God and get out of the boat. So she took it that she needs to be strong and do what she needs to do --- Go back to my dad (SOOOO not what getting out of the boat means! Getting out of the boat means leaving a comfort zone! Not going back to one!)

So she sends me this devotional. It is the same "get out of the boat" thing. I already told her the last time we talked that going back to Daddy was getting in the boat so she knows how I feel. But I'm totally confused at what this means. And I can't even reply. Maybe I won't -- maybe tomorrow. But I can't do it right now because I can't send her the message that I'm going to chit chat with her via email all of the time if she can't be my mother.

*** Venting off ***

Renee

Sad emo

(((Renee)))

I won't offer any advice because I'm not really qualified, but just to let you know I care. I do think you're right not to reply straight away though - better to let yourself calm down and collect your thoughts first than to send a hasty reply you might regret later.

Sending you some positive thoughts and prayers.

Scully

It was a devotional from Joel Osteen.

Doesn't it bother her even a little bit that she's quoting something from someone the WTS would clearly consider to be a messenger of the World Empire of False Religion™? Y'know... someone "in league with Satan the Devil"?

Wow. Some things just boggle the mind.

Quandry

So here it comes .. she sent me the first email in a week. It was a devotional from Joel Osteen. (NOT who I want her listening to by the way) .. When she went to church, the preacher gave an illustration about Peter walking on water and how he never would have gotten that experience if he did not trust God and get out of the boat.

What???!!?? I don't get it. How can she shun because of being a witness and listen to Joel Osteen? That is apostate. Doesn't she realize this?

Plus, Joel Osteen is all about being nice to people and I don't think would endorse shunning.

jgnat

Now my mom is not a JW, but she is crazy. In every word you write, I feel your pain. I so feel for the emotional rollercoaster your mom keeps putting you on. I do believe it is time for you to get off her ride.

The concept that helped me deal with demanding and unreasonable people is the concept of boundaries. Write a list of things you must have to enjoy a loving relationship with your mother. If that includes speaking to you, put it on the list. You may also list topics that are off-limits, for instance her on again off-again feelings for your dad and quotes from itinerant preachers or the Watchtower. Also consider how far you will go for consequences to help your senseless mother understand you mean business. If it were me, I'd go as far as sever all ties. Now, this is not the same as your mother's declarations of separation and repatriation, you actually mean it. This means you may have to repeat your boundaries several times until she "gets it". ...and stick to your guns. Some people may never sense or understand your innermost heart and desires, all they understand is consequences. This includes some mothers. If your mom can at least "get" the consequenses, maybe you can have some sense of harmony when you are with her.

After you have decided what boundaries you will live with, communicate them. Also let your mom know what the consequences will be if she doesn't respect them. I think respect has to go along with love, or else you are just a patsy. It's not a crime to love yourself. In fact, you must have that first to fully love others.

So, no, I don't think you owe your mother an explanation for her oddball e-mail. Maybe a short reply saying if she won't talk to you, you certainly won't be responding to e-mails. If she has something to say, she can call. If she needs someone to talk to about her problems, she can go find a girlfriend. Also, you might tell her that if she does not show consistent and loving parenting over the next couple years, she will not have access to her grandchildren aside from a couple cards a year. Put that in her hat and chew it.

My mom's gone again .....Rejection #3

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