My mom's gone again .....Rejection #3

by reneeisorym 27 Replies latest jw friends

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  carla

  Mom's listening to and repeating part of evil Christendom and Dad's got a problem with porn and YOU are the bad guy here? She is going back to him and living in the family home? doesn't matter where, the home is half hers if they are married she can have anybody she wants to come and visit, including you. He will be annoyed and bluster but after time he will get used to it. She can let him know ahead of time if she cares to and he can LEAVE.

  You can let her know your door is always open and would love to have both of them in your life but having a clandestine relationship with your own mother is rather stressful, in the future it will be phone calls or in person visits and if dad doesn't like it too bad. If you continue to email the both of you will only be enabling your father's bad unchristian behavior. Let him get out of his comfort zone, he gets mad? so what.
• 

  lola28

  You know you are slightly to blame for this situation. You KNOW what the JWS are about and by now you should know that your mom will always pick every other option over you. You are not a stupid woman, why do you allow yourself to always get your hopes up when it comes to her? Over and over again she pulls these stunts on you because you allow her to treat you like dirt. Enough! Enough already. I understand that she is your mother and that you love her but it's about time that you looked after yourself because no one else will.

  Stop getting your hopes up, the odds that she will change are small and I don't think you'll be going back to the witnesses any time soon, so just let her go. You can live without her, as far as I know no one has ever died because they have no contact with a parent. If you don't in a few months we will be reading about how she pulled another stunt on you. Be fair to yourself, you deserve more than the kind of treatment she is giving you. Remember this: We teach people how to treat us.

  Lola
• 

  steve2

  In my experience, I've often found that mothers are more illogical in their thinking than are fathers - but only slightly more so.
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  JWdaughter

  I looked at the title of your post. You know, if you don't set yourself up for it, there can be no "Rejection #4, #5, #6. . .She can't reject you if you are NOT sitting around waiting for her to set you up to reject you once again.

  Someday, when you are a mom, would you do this to your children? Choose a religion you know is untrue, a man who is untrue to YOU and reject your perfectly lovely and loving daughter or son? I have seen your loving nature, and I know that is why you keep setting yourself up to be hurt with your mom. You DO love her. Decide the level of sneaking around you are willing to do. . .or let your mom know that you will not be a party to her 'cheating' on your father. She can have and she can take-only as much as you are willing to give her. And you can only set the boundaries that you can live with.

  I'm a little older than you and I will tell you one thing I have learned: Sometimes you will compromise in your relationships. Sometimes you may give more or less than the other person. Sometimes it isn't FAIR. And no amount of therapy, introspection or miracles will fix that. People are just screwed up-Like a crooked wall-you can wallpaper it, but you have to make all kinds of adjustments and eye illusions so that it won't look funky, or you can knock down the walls and start over. Your relationship with your mom is a crooked wall. Make it work for you and your family. What she deserves isn't the issue. Its what YOU need. She has told you how much she can give. It's piss poor. But then again, some people ARE piss poor and that's all they reasonably will ever be able to give. Is it enough?

  We love you, sweetie!

  Shelly
• 

  reneeisorym

  I typed a long long reply and I don't know where it went. I don't know that I feel like typing it again!

  It basically said that I can't let her keep treating me like this. . I will take situtions as they come and weigh what is best for me emotionally. I expect much less from her now and will continue to in the future.
• 

  Country Girl

  I really think though that letting them do this is not loving. "Enabling" her to send me emails and check on me but not call or be part of my life is letting her not make a decision about where she stands. They should be made to stick to their convictions! If they are going to be JWs, I feel like holding them to that decision isn't so bad!

  I am here waiting for open arms the moment they decide to come out, be honest, and DA. Then I'll open my arms wide. But if she can't tell my dad and the rest of the JWs that she calls it quits and comes to me for GOOD, I'm not

  She's either all there, or she's not. Hold them to their convictions, and when they waffle, still hold them to their convictions. People don't CHOOSE their families, they are born into them. They CHOSE to be part of an organization that snubs family members, you didn't. They are still your relatives no matter what. This is the punishment they are inflicting on YOU, not you inflicting on them!

  They like for it to be YOUR fault: that if you chose the world over JEHOVAH... then it's your fault that they shun you. No. You chose SANITY over INSANITY. You chose the WORLD. Sorry, you just chose love and serenity.

  It's hard, but I would choose SERENITY, and not play her games anymore. If she wants to contact you, it'll be on YOUR terms, and not her stupid, doped-up delusional terms.

  CG
• 

  dobbie

  So sorry for what you are going through. Just wanted to say, i know she's your mum and because you are a normal nice person you love her and don't want things to be this way, but it's her decision to do this to you. Be strong hun and tell her what you feel. Perhaps its time to say she is either in your life as your mum and as she should be or not at all. I was just thinking that if you have children in the future it would not be fair to them to have a nan in their life that wanted to know them one minute and not the next. It would confuse and hurt them, and its already doing that to you isn't it. Hugs to you x
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  reneeisorym

  Reality is slowly creeping in. It is so easy to push her away while I am hurt. Once the hurt wears off, I miss her. And I feel like I have experienced a death once more.

  I can feel the greif coming. I will fall apart in tears soon and then I'll pick myself back up and be ok. And I know that about the time I learn to accept that she is gone, I will hear from her again. I have so many mixed emotions.

  I'm so glad to be able to talk to people like you guys who can have an idea of what it is like. Thank you!

  Renee