Submit your essay here! [Inspired by tula and changling's threads a bit]

by AK - Jeff 38 Replies latest jw experiences

Merry Magdalene

Here's mine ... Beauty and the Truth

In my mind, the title of this essay is superimposed over the title of the old folk tale 'Beauty and the Beast,' giving rise to a more personal story, that of my growing up in a Christian denomination often referred to by its members as 'the Truth' even though it was as dishonest and disingenuous as they come.
"
Are you 'in the Truth'?" is very odd phrasing to most of those on the outside glancing in, whereas those on the inside never seem to question its validity or, if they do, may not remain long therein.
As I had a tendency to question almost everything as far back as I can remember, including 'the Truth' (which was not supposed to be questioned), I became one of those who ended up on the outside looking back in. I would probably never have bothered looking back at all if it weren't for having family members who remained unquestioningly within, believing they were supposed to shun me and struggling against their natural feelings of love in order to do so.
If you're not with them, you're against them. This even though I was never against them personally, only, very quietly, against dishonesty and untruth, and all for exploration and discovery.
Like Beauty's sisters, some of my loved ones seemed to blame me for the sorrow this situation caused all of us, and thought me not nearly sorry enough for all the tears they shed because of me, even accusing me of differing from them merely for the sake of being different.

Immediately the two eldest set up lamentable outcries, and said all manner of ill natured things to Beauty, who did not cry at all.
"Do but see the pride of that little wretch," said they; "she would not ask for fine clothes, as we did; but no truly, Miss wanted to distinguish herself, so now she will be the death of our poor father, and yet she does not so much as shed a tear."
--The Beauty and the Beast, Jeanne-Marie LePrince de Beaumont

So it was that I ventured out from among them, the only home and support structure I had ever known, to meet my fate at the hands of the cruel and ugly Beast. To those 'in the Truth', any contradictory truth is so threatening that it, and all who know of it, must be villified as beastly and avoided at all costs. Still, I grew to appreciate and even love this Beast that I should have loathed, these truths from which I should have ran, at the expense of seperation from my family and the isolation I experienced in getting to know the hidden and forbidden.
Like the Beast, truth can be raw and rough and plain, refusing to be placated and manipulated by the fearful who do it lip-service only, but do not know or understand it deeply. As the Beast said to Beauty's father:

"I don't love compliments, not I. I like people to speak as they think; and so do not imagine, I am to be moved by any of your flattering speeches."
--
ibid
But we are also always free to either accept or reject truth as we see fit. It does not force itself upon us.

"No," replied the Beast, "you alone are mistress here; you need only bid me gone, if my presence is troublesome, and I will immediately withdraw."
--ibid

The burden of choice can be painful and difficult, and the uncompromising presence of truth can be "troublesome," but without it, there can be no beauty. No real love, no real hope, no real life, no real religion, no real relationships. So each of us must choose, usually more than once, often many times in our life, to stay with the truth we discover or to run away, to compromise the truth we know or stand firm for it, to let the truth die alone and starved or resucitate it and seek a real and lasting relationship.
If accepted and embraced as it is, in its entirety, however threatening to our sensitivities it might at first have seemed, truth, like the Beast, will always show to us a far more genuinely rich and rewarding life than we could ever have had without it, regardless of what detractors may claim. Not a perfect fairy tale happily-ever-after, perhaps, but certainly better than a lie which will eventually leave you with nothing but broken dreams.
~Merry (sorry I went over 500)
Paralipomenon

I walk through a marketplace. It is so bright that I need to squint to focus. The sun lights the day like an overeager boy trying to please his father, yet I feel no heat. There is so much commotion that I think I should be overwhelmed. People are moving to and fro like the waves of the sea surging up onto the shore only to be pulled back from wense they came.
No, focus, the market.
The market, yes. I walk along and the crowd seems to part in front of me allowing me to pass. I am disconnected from the mass. I am like a rock in a river, parting the surging current with ease. But the river takes no note of a rock. It parts around and is reunited immediately past as if there was no interruption. Curious...
Focus please, the market.
Yes. I plod along, in a daze. My legs feel heavy, but without pain. I see the people talking, laughing, shouting over each other but I hear no sound. The friendly murmur of voices is replaced by a high pitched whistle, that like a kettle boiling that never burns dry. I am aware of the sound, but I pay it no heed. A lady breaks through the otherwise perfect flow of people and stands in front of me. She has deep brown eyes that seem to be staring into my eyes. I know her, yet she is unfamiliar. She looks at me curiously, like I am some sort of specimen at a zoo. I feel I should say something, anything to break the silence, but I don't. I am too captured by her quizzical look. An eternity passes in an instant. Then she expression changes to one of recognition and her lips part to in a beaming smile. Still smiling she looks away breaking the magical moment and soon rejoins the crowd. I stare after her but she is consumed into the swarm, I know she is gone but I still look to where I last saw her, imagining she is still there.
The market, it is hot.
The full force of the sun now strikes me. Like the tossing of scalding water over my body, but it is not not water. I quickly turn around, keenly aware of the heat and my senses go into overdrive. The smell of the market now assaults my nostrils as the mixture of human and animal bodies, densely packed, in the midday heat emanates a powerful stench. The voices are now a roar all around me. I hear pieces of conversations that rise and fall and seem to be intertwined with each other as the crowd passes by, but I am unable isolate one voice from the murmur. I am now in the crowd, they bump and jostle me as they pass. Where was I going? How did I get here? The sun is still bright, but the rays now hurt my eyes. I close them as I push forward. I do not know where I am going, but I need to escape.
Welcome to the market.
Open mind

Hey AK-Jeff,

Thanks for starting this thread. I hope people remember it's here and sort of use it as a quasi-"Best-Of" thread. I haven't read any of the other entries yet, but I'll come back in a bit.

I posted this about a week ago and my apologies in advance to those who already read it. ( I know AK-Jeff did.) I don't have anything else ready to roll, so here it is again.

****************************

In Memory of Clarice. Musings from the Hills.

This weekend I went for a spectacular, solo, saunter in the hills and woods where I live. If you keep reading, you'll be heading down the rabbit hole of where my mind went. You've been warned! It's fairy long.

As I was ambling along I did kind of a "walking meditation" for a little while. I quieted my thoughts and just experienced the moment. I highly recommend it.

After about 20 minutes of this, I came back to the "noisy" world of my mind and let it go nuts. I thought about some recent threads on paganism and how much of pagan thinking appeals to me. Frankly, I'm sure many Christians have a deep appreciation of the natural world around them, they just don't take it as far as pagans do. (BTW, this thread isn't really about paganism, so if you're a devout Christian who'd rather not read about paganism, hang in there. It'll be OK. Trust me.)

Then my mind drifted onto a person I hadn't thought about for a few years. Clarice. The rest of this thread is dedicated to her memory.

I first met Clarice when I moved into her town and we went to the same JW congregation. She was about 70 years old and I was in my twenties. Clarice became a widow in her sixties and the JWs came calling shortly thereafter. She never had any children to my knowledge. One JW family in particular really took a personal interest in her and she eventually got baptized. I'd say she was their "Honorary Grandma" and the overall JW experience actually did have quite a few positive aspects for her.

I don't know if Clarice ever totally swallowed the whole Watchtower party line or not. If she ever did, I'm sure she at least partially wised up by the time she met me. I base this mainly on the twinkle in her eye that I can still see in my mind's eye. She had a love of life that was unstoppable. I can remember a couple of occasions where some super zealot Witness would be spouting off about the imminent destruction of the wicked or why it's so important that we toe the line on the latest directive from Brooklyn. Clarice would just have this knowing semi-smile on her face and that "I know better" twinkle in her eye. She was not feisty and outspoken. Not that that's a bad thing, it just wasn't her style. (At least not very often.) On the rare occasion that she did speak up to voice her displeasure over some stupidity or injustice, it was with few words. And everyone listened. She had a calm, quiet dignity about her. She was nobody's fool. She truly had the wisdom of years.

I have a suspicion that Clarice may have been a little bit of a closet pagan. At a minimum, I know she loved the Sierra Nevada Mountains and the writings of John Muir. Here's a quote I know she loved:

"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you and the storms their energy, while care will drop off like autumn leaves." Our National Parks, pg.56

(If you want to read some other John Muir quotes, here's a link)

http://www.sierraclub.org/john_Muir_exhibit/frameindex.html?http://www.sierraclub.org/john_Muir_exhibit/writings/

In my mid-twenties I was having my own crisis of conscience of sorts. Should I stay in "The Truth" or not? In short, I stayed because I couldn't bear to break my parent's hearts. That was the biggest reason. At the time I was trying to also convince myself that I just hadn't tried hard enough. Guilt, fear, desire for the paradise. Hammers and carrots.

So I moved to Clarice's congregation with the mind set that I'm going to "make the truth my own" this time. The first morning I spent in service with Clarice was a very pleasant surprise. I discovered we both had a deep love for the outdoors and the Sierra Nevada in particular. I imagine looking back on it that others might have thought "Oh isn't that OM such a nice young brother working in service with Clarice! He could just be hanging out with the young people, but he makes time for the older ones as well."

Bullfeathers. We really enjoyed each other's company and there was no "self-sacrificing" on my part whatsoever. After that first morning in service we regularly sought each other out to work together. I can't ever remember us discussing the Organization or religion at all. Any conversations we had with people at their homes were focused on the beauty and wonders of creation. Most of our time was spent doing the very slow meander between doors talking about the mountains. She and her husband both loved the Sierra Nevada and spent as much of their life as possible hiking, fishing and camping there. I could tell by the way she described him that they were truly kindred spirits.

Now I was trying to be a "good JW" and do my best to have a good reputation with the elders. Periodically I would let Clarice know that I was agonizing over whether I should take a trip to the mountains or not. A "good JW" who's trying to impress the elders doesn't waste time going on too many pleasure trips. Better to knock on doors of empty houses or waking up sleepy, irritated residents. If you've read this far, I'm sure you can guess what Clarice's advice always was: "Oh, OM, just GO! Everyone has regrets when they look back on their life, but I can assure you OM, that I do not regret a SINGLE MOMENT I spent in the mountains. The congregation will still be here when you get back." (See why women aren't allowed to be elders? They'd be giving out good advice right and left!)

Clarice had a modest house deep in the woods and I know she loved it there. The trees and mountains were her temple. The JWs who made her part of their family no doubt brought her comfort in her twilight years. They were good and sincere people. She lived a wonderful life. To my knowledge she never recruited anyone to join the JWs.

I never told Clarice what a profound effect she had on me. I don't think I even fully realized it as it was happening. I know I'm not the only young person whose life was greatly enriched by her.

A. If this life is all there is, then this thread is dedicated to living life Clarice's way.

B. If good people go to Heaven: "Hello Clarice! Thank you for your wisdom. I love you and miss you."

C. If the paradise fantasy is true: "Let's go tackle Mt. Whitney together Clarice!"

Regardless of whether any or none of A, B or C are correct, this much is true:

I Love You Clarice. You are not forgotten.

Open Mind
snowbird

OpenMind, I believe I replied to your thread about Clarice. If I didn't, I should have. It's a beautiful tribute to a delightful soul. It's too bad the WTS is such a stale, sterile, stifling organization. Anybody with a smidgen of spontaneity in them will soon begin to chafe at the restrictions this org places on them.
I give you for your Musings.
Sylvia
snowbird

BABY GIRL SOFTENING
My baby daughter began semi-shunning me when I quit the meetings. She would talk to me only if necessary, and her speech was clipped and formal - the kind of tone reserved for business and professional dealings. This started in 2005 and has continued to the present.
She enrolled in college back in June and her classes began in August. I have noticed a notable shift in her hardline attitude toward me. What's causing this change? Her classes consist mostly of the humanities, so I'm hoping she's getting a different perspective on everything.
The WTS preaches incessantly against pursuing postsecondary education, but my daughter never bought into it. She's smart, focused, and has never settled for the ordinary. One young man came down from Ohio over the summer. Sister Matchmaker pounced on him like a duck on a June bug. I told her in no uncertain terms to not go about trying to hook my child up with anybody. She could tell I meant business, so she took her matchmaking abilities elsewhere.
This weekend, Baby Girl asked my opinion on whether she should find another job. The one she has is not conducive to her class schedule. I suggested she find something that required her to work only on weekends, thereby freeing her for extra research, networking, etc. Instead of immediately deepsixing my suggestion, she actually looked thoughtful for a while.
I know that may not sound like much, but every little chip in her armor means a blow to the WTS. This organization may seem to have a stranglehold on its adherents, but it is not invincible. I will continue chipping away at every opportunity. I know the day will come when my child will be able to free herself from its clutches just as I did. When she does, I will be there as I have always been.
Sylvia
snowbird

Another day.
Sylvia
OnTheWayOut

It is more than 500 words. This is an unfinished chapter of the book on
fading that I stopped writing. I had a thread on chapter one, but there was
not an overwhelming response, so I might as well post this chapter here as
I decided not to finish the book for previously discussed reasons-
The Fade

Jehovah’s Witnesses are obsessed with keeping track of their own statistics. For 2006, they reported a peak in publishers of 6,741,444 and they reported 1,333,966,199 hours in their recruiting work, along with 6,286,618 studies with individuals being conducted in their literature. There were 16,675,113 people attending their annual Memorial of Christ’s death in 2006. With these numbers, they determine that along with 6.7 million active members, there are nearly 10 million potential active members. In their branch headquarters, they collect records from every congregation to tabulate these numbers regularly. They also keep track of how many members are disfellowshipped from their active membership. Disfellowshipping is being removed by a judicial committee for what they consider unrepentant sinning. In 2002, their spokesman J. R. Brown indicated that on average "Elders disfellowship 50,000 to 60,000 Witnesses around the world each year. It's not an unusual occurrence, as far as we're concerned."... Brown says disfellowshipping inspires wrongdoers to come back to the religion. Those who want to reapply can do so, but they must adhere to Witnesses' policies. They are allowed inside the Kingdom Halls but are ignored by the other congregants until readmitted to the faith. Each year, Brown said, 30,000 to 40,000 are reinstated, having "come back to their spiritual senses." ( St. Petersburg Times Newspaper, August 22, 2002 ) Also, the organization knows how many members disassociate themselves, meaning they decide on their own to stop being Jehovah’s Witnesses. No gathered data is available on how many former Witnesses there are. It is possible that there are more former members than active members, but only the Watchtower organization could determine that. While data is not commonly available to the public, Jehovah’s Witnesses also keep track of how many members do not report any recruiting work (field service hours) for an entire month. These ones are noted as “irregular publishers.” A publisher is an active member. Any irregular publishers that do not report field service continuously are considered “inactive publishers” after 6 months. They remain in this status until they report activity again, or until they disassociate or are disfellowshipped. Fading would be achieving or working toward the goal of successfully remaining in the limbo between “inactive” and “being removed from the congregation” by disassociation or disfellowshipping. The purpose of fading would be to separate oneself from the active membership, while still being considered one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. A complete fade would involve no recruiting work, no Witness meeting attendance, but also no disfellowshipping. It could be likened to dropping off a radar screen quietly so that air traffic control eventually forgets that you are there. The fader hopes that the elders in the congregation forget about him. Not all inactive publishers had a goal to fade. Some are inactive because they are old and getting out in the recruiting service is difficult. Others are depressed; some have hobbies or other responsibilities that take up their time such as school, work, or family. The organization considers these inactive publishers to be “spiritually weak.” A fader often tries to become lumped in with the other inactive publishers. Is fading truthful? Is fading the same as remaining “in the truth?” In one word, no. Fading is, to some, playing a game with the Watchtower organization and the local congregation. Fading can be likened to presenting the truth, but not the whole truth. I will discuss misleading people and sometimes using untruthful statements to achieve the fade. How can we escape the lies just to put ourselves into other lies or misleading truths? The answer lies in a moral and ethical judgment. Earlier, I examined the truth of Watchtower’s “Disfellowshipping and Shunning” doctrine but I avoided discussion of its moral implications. Now we must look at that along with the strain it causes to families. Why Fade? As indicated, Jehovah’s Witnesses keep track of how many members are leaving the membership, either voluntarily or by disfellowshipping. Often, members who leave have concerns about the validity of the doctrines and practices of Jehovah’s Witnesses. They may have realized that the leaders of the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society have made predictions in the past that have not come true. Most of these predictions concerned specific dates that they proclaimed Armageddon was to arrive. Other leaving members were involved in practices considered contrary to Watchtower’s accepted behavior or moral practices. Watchtower has always been concerned that these former members would voice their concerns and discoveries, and would encourage others to examine these findings. To prevent former members from influencing others, Watchtower adopted the enforced practice of having members totally shun former members. Note their own reasoning: Watchtower Magazine; April 15, 1988 pp.27-28 Discipline That Can Yield Peaceable Fruit Cut Off Thoroughly? 7 Christians do not hold themselves aloof from people. We have normal contacts with neighbors, workmates, schoolmates, and others, and witness to them even if some are ‘fornicators, greedy persons, extortioners, or idolaters.’ Paul wrote that we cannot avoid them completely, ‘otherwise we would have to get out of the world.’ He directed that it was to be different, though, with “a brother” who lived like that: “Quitmixingincompanywithanyonecalledabrotherthat [hasreturnedtosuchways], noteveneatingwithsuchaman.”—1 Corinthians 5:9-11; Mark 2:13-17. 8 In the apostle John’s writings, we find similar counsel that emphasizes how thoroughly Christians are to avoid such ones: “Everyone that pushes ahead and does not remain in the teaching of the Christ does not have God . . . If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, neverreceivehimintoyourhomesorsayagreetingtohim. For he that says a greeting [Greek, khai´ro] to him is a sharer in his wicked works.”—2 John 9-11. 9 Why is such a firm stand appropriate even today? Well, reflect on the severe cutting off mandated in God’s Law to Israel. In various serious matters, willful violators were executed. (Leviticus 20:10; Numbers 15:30, 31) When that happened, others, even relatives, could no longer speak with the dead lawbreaker. (Leviticus 19:1-4; Deuteronomy 13:1-5; 17:1-7) Though loyal Israelites back then were normal humans with emotions like ours, they knew that God is just and loving and that his Law protected their moral and spiritual cleanness. So they could accept that his arrangement to cut off wrongdoers was fundamentally a good and right thing.—Job 34:10-12. 10 We can be just as sure that God’s arrangement that Christians refuse to fellowship with someone who has been expelled for unrepentant sin is a wise protection for us. “Clear away the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, according as you are free from ferment.” (1 Corinthians 5:7) By also avoiding persons who have deliberately disassociated themselves, Christians are protected from possible critical, unappreciative, or even apostate views.—Hebrews 12:15, 16. Former members are routinely shunned by family and friends that remain as active Jehovah’s Witnesses. When those former members do not live in the same household, members are encouraged to have as little contact with them as possible. Notice that same magazine article as it continues on page 28: WhatAboutRelatives? 11 God certainly realizes that carrying out his righteous laws about cutting off wrongdoers often involves and affects relatives. As mentioned above, when an Israelite wrongdoer was executed, no more family association was possible. In fact, if a son was a drunkard and a glutton, his parents were to bring him before the judges, and if he was unrepentant, the parents were to share in the just executing of him, ‘to clear away what is bad from the midst of Israel.’ (Deuteronomy 21:18-21) You can appreciate that this would not have been easy for them. Imagine, too, how the wrongdoer’s brothers, sisters, or grandparents felt. Yet, their putting loyalty to their righteous God before family affection could be lifesaving for them. 12 Recall the case of Korah, a leader in rebellion against God’s leadership through Moses. In his perfect justice, Jehovah saw that Korah had to die. But all loyal ones were advised: “Turn aside, please, from before the tents of these wicked men and do not touch anything that belongs to them, that you may not be swept away in all their sin.” Relatives who would not accept God’s warning died with the rebels. But some of Korah’s relatives wisely chose to be loyal to Jehovah, which saved their lives and led to future blessings.—Numbers 16:16-33; 26:9-11; 2 Chronicles 20:19. 13 Cutting off from the Christian congregation does not involve immediate death, so family ties continue. Thus, a man who is disfellowshipped or who disassociates himself may still live at home with his Christian wife and faithful children. Respect for God’s judgments and the congregation’s action will move the wife and children to recognize that by his course, he altered the spiritual bond that existed between them. Yet, since his being disfellowshipped does not end their blood ties or marriage relationship, normal family affections and dealings can continue. 14 The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home. It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum, in line with the divine principle: “Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person [or guilty of another gross sin], . . . not even eating with such a man.”—1 Corinthians 5:11. 15 Understandably, this may be difficult because of emotions and family ties, such as grandparents’ love for their grandchildren. Yet, this is a test of loyalty to God, as stated by the sister quoted on page 26. Anyone who is feeling the sadness and pain that the disfellowshipped relative has thus caused may find comfort and be encouraged by the example set by some of Korah’s relatives.—Psalm 84:10-12. Members such as grandparents living outside of the home are reminded that in ancient Israel , they would have had to put the former member to death, but such is not the case today. They are encouraged to totally shun the former member, with the Watchtower magazine stating that feelings of sadness and pain are caused by the disfellowshipped relative, not the result of manipulative practices. Even in the case of family members that live in the same house, the article says that some things have changed. In the case of a husband and father becoming a former member, the counsel is, “Respect for God’s judgments and the congregation’s action will move the wife and children to recognize that by his course, he altered the spiritual bond that existed between them.” Thus, there are major changes at home. Family members are to avoid discussions of anything doctrinal with the former member, and to continue their routine of attending meetings of Jehovah’s Witnesses and weekly recruiting work. It seems that the Watchtower Organization is saying, “Since you cannot kill former members, just ignore their beliefs if you must live with them, and ignore their very existence if you don’t live with them.” This is not an exaggeration. Notice excerpts from this article from 1952: Watchtower Magazine; November 15, 1952pp.703-704 Questions From Readers ?In the case of where a father or mother or son or daughter is disfellowshiped, how should such person be treated by members of the family in their family relationship?—P.C., Ontario, Canada. We are not living today among theocratic nations where such members of our fleshly family relationship could be exterminated for apostasy from God and his theocratic organization, as was possible and was ordered in the nation of Israel in the wilderness of Sinai and in the land of Palestine. “Thou shalt surely kill him; thy hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him to death with stones, because he hath sought to draw thee away from Jehovah thy God, . . . And all Israel shall hear, and fear, and shall do no more any such wickedness as this is in the midst of thee.”—Deut. 13:6-11, AS. Being limited by the laws of the worldly nation in which we live and also by the laws of God through Jesus Christ, we can take action against apostates only to a certain extent, that is, consistent with both sets of laws. The law of the land and God’s law through Christ forbid us to kill apostates, even though they be members of our own flesh-and-blood family relationship. However, God’s law requires us to recognize their being disfellowshiped from his congregation, and this despite the fact that the law of the land in which we live requires us under some natural obligation to live with and have dealings with such apostates under the same roof. The excerpt above doesn’t even list the New Testament scriptures that Jesus Christ used to show that such a firm stand was no longer the case, but focuses on an Old Testament view. Basically, this article is saying “Too bad you can no longer kill people who stop believing Watchtower doctrines.” As the article continues, notice the changes that would occur in the home. God’s law does not allow a marriage partner to dismiss his mate because his mate becomes disfellowshiped or apostatizes. Neither will the law of the land in most cases allow a divorce to be granted on such grounds. The faithful believer and the apostate or disfellowshiped mate must legally continue to live together and render proper marriage dues one to the other. A father may not legally dismiss his minor child from his household because of apostasy or disfellowshiping, and a minor child or children may not abandon their father or their mother just because he becomes unfaithful to God and his theocratic organization. The parent must by laws of God and of man fulfill his parental obligations to the child or children as long as they are dependent minors, and the child or children must render filial submission to the parent as long as legally underage or as long as being without parental consent to depart from the home. Of course, if the children are of age, then there can be a departing and breaking of family ties in a physical way, because the spiritual ties have already snapped. If children are of age and continue to associate with a disfellowshiped parent because of receiving material support from him or her, then they must consider how far their spiritual interests are being endangered by continuing under this unequal arrangement, and whether they can arrange to support themselves, living apart from the fallen-away parent. Their continuing to receive material support should not make them compromise so as to ignore the disfellowshiped state of the parent. If, because of acting according to the disfellowship order of the company of God’s people, they become threatened with a withdrawal of the parental support, then they must be willing to take such consequences. Satan’s influence through the disfellowshiped member of the family will be to cause the other member or members of the family who are in the truth to join the disfellowshiped member in his course or in his position toward God’s organization. To do this would be disastrous, and so the faithful family member must recognize and conform to the disfellowship order. How would or could this be done while living under the same roof or in personal, physical contact daily with the disfellowshiped? In this way: By refusing to have religious relationship with the disfellowshiped. The marriage partner would render the marriage dues according to the law of the land and in due payment for all material benefits bestowed and accepted. But to have religious communion with the disfellowshiped person—no, there would be none of that! The faithful marriage partner would not discuss religion with the apostate or disfellowshiped and would not accompany that one to his (or her) place of religious association and participate in the meetings with that one. As Jesus said: “If he does not listen even to the congregation [which was obliged to disfellowship him], let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector [to Jehovah’s sanctified nation].” (Matt. 18:17, NW) Hurt to such one would not be authorized, but there would be no spiritual or religious fellowshiping. The same rule would apply to those who are in the relation of parent and child or of child and parent. What natural obligation falls upon them according to man’s law and God’s law the faithful parent or the faithful child will comply with. But as for rendering more than that and having religious fellowship with such one in violation of the congregation’s disfellowship order—no, none of that for the faithful one! If the faithful suffers in some material or other way for the faithful adherence to theocratic law, then he must accept this as suffering for righteousness’ sake. The purpose of observing the disfellowship order is to make the disfellowshiped one realize the error of his way and to shame him, if possible, so that he may be recovered, and also to safeguard your own salvation to life in the new world in vindication of God. (2 Thess. 3:14, 15; Titus 2:8) Because of being in close, indissoluble natural family ties and being of the same household under the one roof you may have to eat material food and live physically with that one at home, in which case 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 and 2 John 10 could not apply; but do not defeat the purpose of the congregation’s disfellowship order by eating spiritual or religious food with such one or receiving such one favorably in a religious way and bidding him farewell with a wish for his prosperity in his apostate course. In the home, a marriage mate of a former believer is not allowed to get a divorce, according to scriptural standards, but they are now to “render the marriage dues … in due payment for all material benefits bestowed and accepted.” In essence, the member is to trade sexual relations for material benefits accepted. Similarly, the relationship between parents and children is to be viewed for its material benefits to the children of a former member, until that material relationship ends. In the case of children becoming former members, the parent is reminded that “as long as they are dependent minors,” they cannot be kicked out of the house, but once they “are of age, then there can be a departing and breaking of family ties in a physical way…” The Watchtower organization encourages members to act like prostitutes in order to take advantage of the former member. If it were more direct, we could imagine the call: “Take what you can materially from them, and give back what the law or scriptures requires of you- nothing more. They should be grateful for this, since you didn’t kill them.” Shunning is feared by many members who want to become former members. This very fear is justified. Most teenagers cannot even imagine life without contact from parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters. Loving spouses and parents whole lives revolve around their family and its support. Watchtower leaders know that this very fear will cause many who start doubting the doctrines or want to quit being members to just stay in line and go along with the organization. Some will even satisfactorily prove to themselves that the organization is not the truth, but will miserably remain in it, saying things would be worse if they were shunned. Others avoid even doing their own research because they love the association, the network of friends and family they have developed. Karl Marx said "Religion is Opium for the masses." For many of these who cannot leave, the religious organization or association with its followers has become their opium. They aren’t prepared to be cut off and left dissatisfied. Many members choose to become faders instead of separating themselves totally from Jehovah’s Witnesses. To complete the analogy, they taper off on their religious affiliation and switch to a morphine-like substitute. They settle for phony Christianity, but as little of it as they can tolerate, with the goal of reducing their dosage until they receive no more input from phony Christianity, yet retain close-to-normal relations with family and friends; comparable to morphine withdrawal at a slow rate so that fairly normal feelings can be maintained. Just as every step in reducing the dosage of morphine is extremely difficult to a heroine addict, every step toward fading from the Watchtower organization is extremely difficult. While it can be done successfully, fading is not for everyone. A person who decides that Watchtower does not teach the truth will often want to start living according to the real truth that he discovers. He may want to find another religion. He may want to get involved in non-Witness activities that work to make a difference. Perhaps he wants to start celebrating holidays with his children or other non-Witness family members. He may desire to become politically active. A fader could only do any of these things if he managed to keep them totally secret from all of Jehovah’s Witnesses. A fader cannot express his disbeliefs with Watchtower, unless it remains with those who will keep his confidence. Other than carefully worded conversations, he cannot really help others to make the same discoveries about Watchtower that he has made. To assist others, he can only encourage personal growth and independent thinking and leave questions with current members. Any Witness who feels that the fader is guilty of apostasy (defined by Watchtower organization as an abandonment or revolt against true worship) will consider turning him in to the elders in his local congregation. Anyone found guilty of apostasy will be disfellowshipped unless he recants his apostate feelings and verbally agrees with Watchtower doctrines, thus ending the fade either way. Those who do not have family ties to Jehovah’s Witnesses, but only want to fade for the sake of friendships, might want to reconsider this course. It is true that many good people can be found among Jehovah’s Witnesses, and you might have real tight bonds with Witnesses. But it is often the case that faders are considered spiritually weak by members, and the organization discourages their continued association with a spiritually weak member. Friends who remain as active Witnesses tend to break off relations with a fader at some point. Their Witness training tells them that the fader has become “under the influence of the world, the world belonging to Satan.” Their loyalty to the Watchtower organization is strained. They fall back on the Witness training and cut off association. They may be genuine friends, but the thought that they are doing this “for your own good” and for Jehovah God allows them to end a friendship. Some friends “in the truth” are never genuine friends, but are common-purpose friends. If the common purpose (of serving Jehovah or preaching side-by-side) is ended, the friendship ends with it. Sometimes (actually quite often), even close family members struggle with organizational loyalty and loss of common-purpose, and they distance themselves from faders. But many family members are able to overlook the spiritual weakness they assume the fader has developed. They are confident that their grandson, niece, daughter, father or brother is not under Satan’s influence, so they tolerate this fading. In order to combat the test of loyalty that family or friends may experience trying to decide between Watchtower organization and association with the fader, some faders only achieve partial success in becoming inactive. They reach a level of low activity that is acceptable to their family or friends, allowing them to still feel that they are not an apostate. This level allows the fader to continue as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, even though they no longer accept the doctrines. Many consider their fade successful if they no longer go into the recruiting work and only attend a few meetings per month. Others consider a successful fade to be only going to the yearly Memorial (observance of Jesus’ death). Most faders don’t consider their fade complete until they are finished with all meetings of Jehovah’s Witnesses, but they enjoy the progress toward success- meaning less and less Watchtower activity. If you were hoping to find some guarantee of success in a fade by reading this book, it doesn’t exist. It is my sad duty to report that some carefully calculated fades have still ended in a disfellowshipping or in family deciding to shun the fader. With all these limitations and compromises, why fade? Why not just walk away from Watchtower and its followers? Many decide to do just that. Some feel that close family members won’t shun them for life just because the organization insists that they do so. Often, they are right. Many know that they don’t want to live quietly with their discoveries. They want to tell other Witnesses why they left the organization. They want to be free from the limitations. Many are confident that their family will shun them no matter what they do, so they stop trying to pretend to be Jehovah’s Witnesses. Each person must weigh his own circumstances and personal feelings and decide for himself what to do. Often, two people in identical circumstances would make opposite decisions on this. If I have not talked you out of fading by this point, then it might be the right thing for you. In defense of fading, it is an attempt to maintain family relations, sometimes with the closest of relatives. Many family members, no matter how staunch their beliefs, will defy the organization only so far to keep normal or partial relations. Pushed any further, such as by the disassociation or disfellowshipping of a family member, they would probably stay loyal to the organization that they feel is God’s representative on earth. Fading is only for persons in that situation. If you are confident that “playing a game with the Watchtower organization and the local congregation,” as I said earlier, is the only way to save a relationship with family, or is the only foreseeable avenue to providing them with information about the anti-truth of the Watchtower organization, then fading may be right for you. If your moral values can justify misleading loved ones in a small way about your current faith because they are being misled in enormous ways by their own misplaced faith, then fading may be an answer. Before deciding against a fade, bear this in mind- a fader is free to change his mind at any time and fully separate himself from the organization. A disfellowshipped or disassociated member has no such choice. If family shunned him and he wanted to regain normal relations, he would have to resort to misleading measures by getting reinstated- a process which would involve pretending to repent of his so-called rebellion against Watchtower and become totally submissive to the congregation elders. This pretense would have to be kept up for as long as a year, perhaps longer, before a fade could be started. During the pretense, he would have to attend most meetings at the Kingdom Hall while everyone there totally shunned him. Also, an unsuccessful fade is really no different from just walking away, so it’s worth a try. Sometimes, it makes sense to try. I would have loved to end this chapter with the paragraph above, but to be fair to those still contemplating whether a fade is right for them or not, these other factors must be discussed. If you have seen other Witnesses in your congregation “disappear” or go somewhere between severely absent and totally inactive, you must gauge the response of the body of elders and the congregation to that person. Congregation gossip or a feeling of protection for the flock might cause the elders to act toward this person, so you can ask yourself if there are any in that situation who were or were not disfellowshipped. A way to test your elders’ reaction to fading is to cut back and see what happens. You could drop your recruiting hours to one hour per month and see what the book study conductor or any elders say to you. You can start missing meetings and see if the elders try to bring you back. If you miss meetings and any members start showing up at your door to ask where you have been, see what they do when you don’t answer them with good excuses. See if word gets around. Even negative reactions from members and elders do not eliminate the idea of fading. They may just show a need to go slower with more caution. In some cases, they may demonstrate that the 100% total fade will not be possible. One method that will be discussed in these cases would be that of moving away from that congregation.
This is an unfinished work. I am confident that it will remain unfinished.
Comments, criticism is welcome.
OnTheWayOut

I have learned never to go back into JWD things I have cut-and-pasted to edit bold and italics and
tabs and the like. It only messes it up more.
This section should have looked like this:
Watchtower Magazine; April 15, 1988 pp.27-28 Discipline That Can Yield Peaceable Fruit Cut Off Thoroughly? 7 Christians do not hold themselves aloof from people. We have normal contacts with neighbors, workmates, schoolmates, and others, and witness to them even if some are ‘fornicators, greedy persons, extortioners, or idolaters.’ Paul wrote that we cannot avoid them completely, ‘otherwise we would have to get out of the world.’ He directed that it was to be different, though, with “a brother” who lived like that: “Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that [has returned to such ways], not even eating with such a man.”—1 Corinthians 5:9-11; Mark 2:13-17. 8 In the apostle John’s writings, we find similar counsel that emphasizes how thoroughly Christians are to avoid such ones: “Everyone that pushes ahead and does not remain in the teaching of the Christ does not have God . . . If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him. For he that says a greeting [Greek, khai´ro] to him is a sharer in his wicked works.”—2 John 9-11.
Open mind

OK, I'm going to have trouble getting through all of these unless I take it piece meal.
First off, thanks for your very kind stars Snowbird. (Sylvia)
And I think your piece called "BABY GIRL SOFTENING" was very encouraging to those of us with family still in. I haven't read your other ones yet.
Now going back to the start of the thread.
changeling:
"Sunday Brunch."
I really enjoyed that. I could almost taste the mimosa. (Except you didn't mention mimosa, but I could still taste it.)
The "To" button, was cute, but not as good as Sunday Brunch.
I really enjoyed the way you captured the passage of time and the essence of each season as it's experienced in your area with the "Trees" essay.
Nvr:
"The Inescapable Futility"
You are truly my brother. That was very powerfully written.
That's all I've got time for right now.
I'll be back.
Open Mind

Submit your essay here! [Inspired by tula and changling's threads a bit]

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