by purplesofa 56 Replies latest jw friends
maybe if I had been NICER when speaking bad about the society
she would not have been offended?
Do not, under any circumstances, feel guilty over anything about this encounter.
You offered your mother a real truth. She was grateful for the revealing evidence.
Her cult programming reasserted itself.
Sorry about your bad news. Still, the seed was planted.
Hugs to you, Leslie. Regardless of the outcome, you have discharged an important responsibility. She can never say, "Why didn't you tell me?" Like the others here, I was so excited to see that your mother would share her own concerns about the WT with you. And then - when you told us she accepted COC -- and read it!! It appeared she had left the WT in the dust! We were all so excited and happy for you! I'm glad you have shared this with us, because I think it helps us all to have greater appreciation for the power of this cult to control peoples' thinking. Sadly, it well illustrates, and tends to support my thoughts that knowledge is not the key to helping someone exit, or to breaking the mental grip of the WT.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/143570/1.ashx
If my theory is correct, had your mom read COC after having not attended any meetings for six months, the result may have been exactly the opposite. Because of the constant reinforcement at the meetings that "This is God's Organization", even the extreme power of COC is easily dismissed by that simple rationalization. "They're imperfect men." I really believe the antidote is for someone to stop attending meetings for a significant period of time. Their brain starts to return, slowly, to normalcy. It's at that point, that knowledge becomes important. But how to get them to stop attending? I don't know the answer. As to her feeling offended, I think that was predictable. When we sent out our letters, one of our closest friends emailed us to let us know how deeply we had hurt her. She made the comment, "How dare you try to destroy my faith!" And all we had done was to share the facts of the UN escapade. Really, they see it as an attempt to destroy their world, or their entire personal identity. How can they see you as anything other than an enemy? It's really horrible, isn't it? But Leslie, you have done what you can, and for that we all applaud you. You have our love and respect.
Lenny
Don't let it get you down. Continue to show love and don't get bitter in any way. Frankly, COC only works if the reader is ready for it. Rejection of the WT crap can only come from within. Stay kindly, friendly, and wait patiently for the day someone or something triggers the wakeup call. That's why the WT is so evil - they condition believers to reject everything negative. I hate the Org. so much, but realise the members are not to blame. They just need love and one day realization will come.
I'd have to agree that just to have your mom read the book is an amazing feat! My mom started reading it several years ago but stopped after a few chapters and somehow got the idea that Franz had started his own church! My mom is just about your mom's age and I bet they think very much alike. I was surprised to hear that your mom has only been a witness since 2000 though. Not much of a history there. My mom has been in some 45 years.
As to being to old to leave the WT...I don't think it's so much age as each person has to have their very own crisis of conscience. Until something affects them personally in a very negative way, they'll likely carry on as always. My mother is in a situation now and I am waiting to see how it plays out. She really has no one to take her to meetings - about an hour away from her home - and she has no business even driving yet she has bought a car with the intent of driving each sunday on dangerous roads to get to the hall.
My opinion is that IF the witnesses are anywhere near the loving, caring folk that they claim, (yeah, right) THEY would make arrangements to see that this elderly lady would be able to get to the meetings. What are the odds that anyone would go out of their way more than a time or two? I think we know the answer to that. Never mind all the times my mom use to drive miles and miles to pick a jw up that needed a ride and do the return trip as well. Doctor's appointments, meetings, conventions...she has always tried to help others if she could (in spite of the WT and most decidely NOT because of the WT). Now it's time for "them" to help her but I'm quite sure they will fail her miserably (they already have more than she knows). So I view this as a test of the WT in some respects to, as they say, put up or shut up! I can only hope she will see it the same way...I'll be there to point it out though.
Sorry for the long tangential comment there but you know how it can be. Anyways, be patient oh Purple One. You never know when the WT will drive a wedge between their own.
I understand how she feels. I think in life you just get tired of making a stand and want to enjoy, feel somewhat secure in the decisions you have made throughout your life.
She will have an amazing ability to overlook things that bother her. I have a hard time doing that.
I think people become complacent as it just takes too much time and energy to reconstruct. We have to look within ourselves and reassess. And sometimes the pricetag is just too high.
I have posted before that WE in fact are the pioneers. Taking the risk and chances, sacrifices to look at life realistically. Without the blinders. We do it and suffer the consequences, expericance the joys, feel the pain, appreciate the small wonders of having a mind that is free to explore.
My first response to the letter was negative. But after a nights sleep and some thought, I can only be happy that I have come out of this while I still had the energy and sheer will to do it.
There may be a time in my life when I get tired, in my comfort zone and accept things around me and just simply stay put.
I will send with my sister the copy of Captives of a Concept..........to be given to my mother. I am furious that while my mother was down and weak, as I was when I learned the "truth" she fell victim to the antics of the society. And yes, I agree there can be alot of good in the org. It was hard for me as well to walk away from many of the brothers and sisters that I grew to love and I know they loved me.
It takes a very special person to be able to do what we have all done. I dont think we need to discount that, or take it for granted.
Leslie
Purps, maybe she will revisit this later. She wants to stay a Witness, which tells me she is not willing to give up her friends at the KH right now, nor is she ready to admit to everyone that she was duped by the GB all these years. The concept that being a Witness and being a Christian are two separate concepts has not sunk in yet. At least she read it and she will not be able to forget it either.
Leslie, you have done well in getting your mom to at least read CofC (if she really _did_ read it all).
As for her comments related to one being a bit less insulting - or whatever... what about the JWs when they go door-knocking and telling folks that their religion is 'false'? Do you think the WTBTS cares a rats' hind end about being 'kind' in delivering their message? (Well, maybe nowadays - but I can remember a time when they supposedly thrived on being 'hard-hitting' with their message.)
So... don't worry about that bit. It's just another bit of double-speak from the WTBTS - and your mom.
Regards,
Jim TX
just cant figure out how I offended her, other than possibly she feels guilty for staying in the org, knowing what she knows and now I know, she knows......
Poor Purps! We had such high hopes for her (and your relationship with her)!
I have a hunch that she is feeling a bit guilty for opening up to you and revealing her true feelings about the Org, and also consenting to read C of C. She is now going to put on the sackcloth and ashes and now punish herself by not attending that shower to apply salve her stricken conscience. I can assure you, she is still struggling with this whole thing, but has chosen the path of least resistance at present.
I would not write her off just yet....as mentioned previously, the seeds have been planted and I am pretty sure that she DOES recognize a lot more wrong with the Org, than she is even willing to admit to herself at this point. Just be willing to listen when she comes back to you with more doubts, but let HER make the first move on this.
Hang in there...the wind may very well change when you least expect it to!
hugs,
Annie
Purps- I think the fact that she even read it is amazing and inspires hope irregardless of her initial reaction.
Patience my friend.
Purpi,
All of my relatives are in other religions. Despite knowing the inaccuracies of some of their beliefs, the immoral conduct of some of their "leaders", they choose to stay in their religions. They feel God knows all, sees all, and wrongdoers will eventually be punished. Seems like your mom feels the same way.
So what can you do? Nothing. Live your life as best you can and deal with mom as best you can. That's all.
We will find out what it's all about when we die, anyway.
Warlock
