by zamora251978 53 Replies latest jw experiences
Welcome Zamora - what a load of crap - I can't really add anything helpful, but it does make me angry...
They were told they cannot marry in the kingdom hall
So, I don't understand how Elder Arsey can dictate who the guests are...it's not strictly a 'JW' wedding (well, except for the fact it's already being ruined by the Org)..
I hope it all works out for you all!
Welcome zamora! Welcome to JWD!
Not to get on you as well but...
I gotta echo what everybdy else said. How are you gonna pay for a wedding and not go to the reception? I understand you don't want to lose your sister and you feel if you play their game you will keep her in your life, trust us we ALL understand that but if she's willing to cut you off now and you are helping her PAY for it in the first place it won't look good in the future anyway. So personally, I suggest two things; go to the reception anyway and dance your a$$ off and buy Elder Douchebag and drink and flirt with him while your there, or cancel it altogether and don't go at al because that is crappy and in my mind if she didn't want you there in the first place she should be WOMAN enough to at least give youback your money or reimburse you if its too late yet that email had nothing in there like that. That is just horrible.
Girl to to the reception and tear up that dancefloor. Shoot, if your other family members will be there those witnoids dare wont act up 'ause if there is one thing witness love to do it is appear natural and normal in front of others to get that "they aren't so bad after all" look going on. they won't try a damn thing. Write her an email telling her that this is silly, tell her to tell that Edler that you are going or HE is going to have to pay for her wedding. Either one. Dont let them bully you- this is your family and if she wants to shun you thats on thing but don't let her put the situation in the hands of someone else.
And if you don't go let the family know 'cause there aint no way the rest of your fam should sit there with Elder douche and his clan while there own flesh is out of an important family event because of some stupid rules. Start up the family grapevine and use it appropriately.
Back when I was a retarted 18 year old getting married, I had to tell MY OWN MOTHER, that she couldn't come to the reception. That killed me, I was told by my future in-laws the DAY OF!!! They cornered me and told me that I would be disfellowshipped if I didn't comply, and told me how she "knew this day was coming since I was 6 years old". It was absolutely absurd. There was a big blow out meeting in the back room before we tied the knot, between my elders, my dad, my mom, and the "3rd party elders". See we got married at a hall that wasn't ours, so then the Service Overseer of that hall took it upon himself to ruin the whole day. Stating that he'd see to it that everyone in attendance at that reception would be disfellowshipped, my future in-laws also threatened to have the reception cancelled if she was going to attend. My elders, and my dad were fighting for my mother to be in attendance. All the elders that were talking to me said the same thing, "its your day, and if you want your mother there, its fine, we will just not talk to her". See my mom's whole side of the family has never been Dubs, and has ALWAYS hated them, forever. My wedding day pretty much sealed that fate forever. In the end, mom didn't come to the reception, and her whole side of the family, hated me for it, it caused major problems for a long time. I even got bitched out by my grandma and aunt for it.
The deciding factor of why my mom didn't come... My future wife, was asked, "Do you want Bluesbreaker's mom at the reception", she looked my mom right in the eyes and said, "No". I held that against her during our whole marriage, many times we would fight because of our wedding day. I refused to look at our wedding photos or buy any wedding pictures because of the trauma caused to me on that day. Its truly no surprise that 5 years later, I filed for divorce, we had a terrible marriage.
My advice, very simple, you go, and you go to both, and you tell that no it all elder, REALLY LOUDLY, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, TO KISS YOUR ASS!!!
When my mom got remarried to a worthless elder my sister who is df'd was invited to the ceremony but not the reception. My brother and I attended the wedding but skipped the reception. Our other brother did not attend at all out of protest. If I had to do it over again I never would have gone. I still for guilty for attending. With the way your sister is acting she does not deserve your attendance.
the elder is only getting away with it because your sister, who accepted your money and your help, is letting him get away with it. Look her in the eye and ask her if she think's is the right thing to do. If she doesn't get the message that should be the last damned dime you EVER spend on her.
Your sister needs to get some backbone.
Maybe you better call and tell her...not only will bro. L orchestrate her wedding but he will be there to supervise the honeymoon.
Have that sex talk with her and tell her their rules.
Tell her she will be answering to them the rest of her life if she goes along with this bullying now.
Tell her she will not be allowed to discipline her children. She will have to turn them over to the judicial committee to be bullied and they will loose their self esteem. She will have no freedom to raise her children as she sees fit. They will probably even tell her its too close to Armageddon to have children. I've read stories on this board of people with regrets of never having kids because elders frowned on it 20-30-40-50-60 years ago.
Does your sister really know all she needs to know about this org to make a decision? I have a feeling nobody has told her about all this.
The marriage vows will be a sham. Her husband will never be allowed to be head of his household. She will have to listen to bro. L instead of her husband. Warn her there will be a lot of interference in their marriage : once she allows this, it will never stop.
Her husband will be turned into a jellyfish and she will have so many people to answer to for every thought in her head until she becomes a zombie.
Remind her she will have no free time in the future.
Hell, just make her realize she needs to get some backbone and put these people in their place.
Tell her to write "Miss Manners" and see what the ettiquete queen has to say about the arrangements.
CALL her and make her account for why she is not allowed to make her own decisions about her life!
Maybe you could come to the reception with a very friendly lawyer and a police escort?
That situation is totally wacked. If you could arrange it, for your sisters sake, I would ask to meet with her and elder asswipe. I would ask him, in front of her, what are his scriptural reasons for excluding you from the wedding of two non-JWs in a secular hall. If he persists, I would ask your sister if that is what she feels is RIGHT. If it is, and she doesn't grow a spine, I would be prepared then to tell them that they will need to find another sponsor for the wedding, as your accountant advises you not to pay for weddings that you are not allowed to attend as it might make you very parsimonious in the future. . .they probably won't know what that means:)
Seriously, I know you don't want any more grief and trouble in this wedding, someone reminded us a few days ago not to go quietly into the night. We are so busy being dignified that we forget to be human. What they do is wrong, its evil and pissy and mean. And we should call them on it. And write letters to the editor and tell the news how shabby they are treating you. Especially if you can't back out of the $$ part. Make them pay one way or another for their willful ignorance of their own humanity.
Your sister and her husband needs to tell that elder off.
If he's gonna pull rules out of his ass he should be told to stuff them back up there
This is ONE day, a special day, it is for families and friends. It is NOT a KINGDOM hall!
And she's not even baptized - NO elders have any jurisdiction over her. Tell her to talk to another elder.
They will confirm that the one elder is an idiot and has no right to be dictating terms to a non-baptized individual.
This makes me so mad
"It's okay bub. We'll come anyway. It will be okay. Just trust me."
My advice, very simple, you go, and you go to both, and you tell that no it all elder, REALLY LOUDLY, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, TO KISS YOUR ASS!!!
Don't do that - it's your sisters day, not yours. Be quiet, and loving, and calm. Be the person there who makes sense, who makes her happy, and isn't an idiot.
Just be happy for her.
