talking about things helps you reframe them. When you talk about the JW past and the damage done to you, one of the things you do is put it in the past, because it doesn't control you now. Also the truth is when something terribly traumatic happens to someone, they have to talk about it. They can't NOT talk about it or they go nuts. And if you get it all out, and someone listens, eventually you get tired of talking about it and you move on. So go ahead, vent as much as you want. The more you let it out, the less it will control your life.
Why do we have to talk about what happened to us?
by wanderlustguy 26 Replies latest jw friends
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aquagirl
excellent post,wanderlust..
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worldtraveller
I would like to take a moment to discuss some stuff about this thread. First just a reminder about whereI came from.
I have been studying with a JW "friend" for 5 years and it was just in the last 3 months I decided to find out info by myself. I chose this because as others do, we do some "comparison shopping" . Now imagine my absolute disapointment to discover that almost everything I learned was a crock of shit!. I learned some key phrases and found out about the "worldly people" phrase. I confronted my "friend" and he did his damnedest to avoid an answer. I said I was on to all the lingo and asked him if he thought I was to be destroyed in the new system of things. He was honest enough to say yes. I said his belief that only 144k would be heading there means that you have about 0 chance you would be going to this magic place. I said imagine if I thought you were going to hell and were posessed by Satan for false worship. Would you be uncomfortable sitting next to me? I am!!!!!!. I stated that it is an absolute sin wishing worldly people to be destroyed. So please be patient with people thinking outside the box. God gave us the ability to think for ourselves, WTS took it away.
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fokyc
Simply to warn others that the JW's are NOT the nice people they try to make out they are,
after the 'love bombing' comes the control and the lies, I know, I have tolerated it for nigh on 55 years!
fokyc
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flipper
WANDERLUST GUY- Excellent post dude ! I know how you feel , I was raised in the witnesses , and divorced a self righteous witness wife in 1998 . I feel we all get a benefit from talking openly about this as a sort of healing by way of sharing old battle stories , so to speak ! By each of us seeing where we have come from, and our situations in life on this board , we will better understand that no matter where we have been in our experiences, each of us have our stories of trials dealing with this cult !
For instance, a person who has an unbelieving mate , but has never been a witness will have more rope and leverage to speak more openly his or her thoughts , because of not having to fear badmouthing from witness cult members. However, if you are a fading witness and have a believing mate , you are really behind the 8 ball, because if you vent to fellow witnesses , they will haul your a$$ before the elders for a kangaroo court and wave their battle spears yelling, " Apostate ! ". So our fellow posters here who still have believing mates, and they are still " officially " fading witnesses do have I feel more of a challenge, because they virtually have nowhere to vent ! Thank gawd, we have sites like JWD so that our dear friends who are in that predicament , can vent all they want and get encouragement from those of us who have been there, done that, as well as others who have not been in that position ! Anyway, to those of you, all of you who are fading witnesses and still have a believing mate , we feel for you, anytime you want to vent, bring it on ! We will listen and help ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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Lady Lee
This struck home for me
The ex-dub thing is a huge relationship issue. For me, the one person I wanted to talk to about it, the one that was supposed to want to be there, wouldn't let me talk about it.
I left my non-JW husband 3 years ago. He had this weird habit. If something came up that was an issue for me he would overtake the conversation by saying something totally stupid like "Whenever I see JWs onthe street I open the car window and yell Jws are a cult"
Somehow, someway he thought he was being helpful. I just stopped talking to him about anything. I was here on the board when the pedophile thing came out. I was living with him at the time. He just didn't want to hear about it.
We NEED to tell our stories. We need to understand how we were controlled, abused and lied to. We can't make any sense of it while we are isolated. Having the external objective eye can help a great deal.
- We realize we aren't alone. Not that we are happy it happened to others.
- We realize this isn't an isolated case but rather a systemic problem in the WTS
- We can begin to realize our susceptibility to cons and recognize what thriggers are in us.
- We can get new ideas on how to cope with things
- We can feel like we belong somewhere and that people are willing to listen and offer support
all in all - a good place to land while we are trying to use our new wings of freedom
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bobld
Very good post wonderlustguy.Also everyone that replied.Being on this forum is like being in a big room everyone visiting and talking to one another.We all have the same thing in common.It's nice that we can vent our true feeling with each other and not get knocked down and kicked like a poor dog by a mad man(wbts).
Bob
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jacethespace
Some good points wanderlust.The more i discover about the lies and manipulation the watchtower has been involved with the more i feel angry at the way i allowed them so much control over me.And then other times though my mood swings and i worry whether im doin the right thing gettin out.I keep thinking that it seems quite a powerfull hold the watchtower has on peoples minds for it to be completely wrong, or is it just very good mind control?
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Gayle
When something is so wrong who will speak out? Victims become no longer victims when they gather and shout the 'truth' of the matter.
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wings
Great post. So true. Thank you.
It is one thing to sit and talk about cult mind control and group dynamics, but it's another thing to know and be raised by a person who not only mastered the art of mind control but used, and continues to use it, at a level that should be criminal.
I would like to hear more about this sometime. I married into a JW dynasty. I have similar issues with my Father-in-law and my husband. My step kids took the worst of it. The oldest is 34 now.
Anyway, thanks again.