How the JWs helped me

by larc 29 Replies latest jw friends

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  larc

  All of us have had negative experiences as a result of leaving the Witnesses, some much worse than others. Many here, have expressed a bitterness and an anger over loosing so many "wasted" years. While these are natural feelings, I think there are several positives we can dwell on as well. First of all, we are the experts that can help others. We can assist others who are leaving and make it less painful for them than it was for us. We can also educate those who are thinking about becoming Witnesses and innoculate them against this danger. I think such activities on our part can be very rewarding.

  I also think that the Witness experience gave us some positive benefits. Below is an excerpt from a manuscript that I wrote in 1996 where I discussed this.

  Learning

  Being raised as a Witness helped me in several ways. First of all, it gave me a thirst for knowledge. Reading and learning was a signifant feature of Witness life. They attempted to address major issues, such as the nature of God, the universe, and eternity. Unfortunately for them, my quest for knowledge exceeded the boundaries they set for me. I wanted to go to college, which I did, and this was a factor in the beginning of the end of my beliefs. This desire to learn planted the seed of doubt that prompted me to leave the organization. It was the reading of their own history that finalized this discision for me.

  I would suspect that of those who embark on a serious study of the Witness history, or, on a rigorous program of independent biblical research, the vast majority of them will eventually leave the religion.

  Saying no to authority.

  The Witnesses also gave me an abitlity to say no to those in authority. We were taught to say no to many things, such as the flag salute and the military. Fortunately, I worked in my last job before retirement in a situation where saying no is not only accepted but encouraged (college teaching). Most organizations do not have this cultural norm.

  Career Choice

  They also gave imptetus for my career choice. The Wintesses do want to help others, albeit in a very singular way, e.g., get them converted so they can live forever. Perhaps, I went into a "helping profession" because of their early influence.

  The Witnesses also helped me become a teacher. Getting up in front of a group of students and talking for an hour is very easy for me. I attribute this skill to the basic training that I received at the Kindgom Hall from the age of ten onward. Getting up before the congregation at the age of ten was scary for me but it got easier, and I received excellent feeback from our Theocratic Ministry School Servant, whom I consider to be an especially gifted man.

  Sales Ability

  Although I never worked in sales, I think some sales ability is necessary in most jobs. It is important to be able to sell yourself and your ideas in order to gain crediblity.
  (If you can sell Watchtower literature, you can sell anything.)

  Drive and Discipline

  The hours and effort put forth as an average Witness is very absorbing. I found that by applying that same kind of energy and drive to my own career, I was able to work full time and get college degrees at the same time. If fact, is some ways college was easier for me. I enjoyed the experiences much more than the meetings and field service.

  I would be interested in your thoughts on my thoughts. Does this ring true for you? Also, are there other good things that the experience gave you?

  Why do I think that it is important to consider the things I have written? I think it can help in two ways. First, it can help reduce the feelings of anger and make us feel better about ourselves. Second, it can help us take stock of ourselves, our strengths, and how we can use them for our own betterment.

  Why did I include that last paragraph? I am trying to sell you on an idea.
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  Amazing

  Hi Larc: Excellent! There are positives, and I find the ones you mention are good. I was very shy growing up, especially talking in front of a group. Now, I enjoy the process, and I feel that this is largely due to the TM School.

  I never would have read my Bible or not much at all were I not a JW. So, in a sense, the religion did cause me to get into the Bible.

  And as a by-product, though not directly a positive one, I have learned to trust my doubts, question claims, and to see religion in a much more healthy light at a distance.

  Thanks again for a great and insightful post. - Amazing
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  badwillie

  Yeah, and the Taliban gave some guys a lot of self confidence, gave them money to learn to fly planes, and provided a seemingly worthy cause to give purpose and meaning to their lives (and deaths).
  I know it helps all of us who have left the JW's to rationalize the pain we are feeling by looking at all the "good things". The problem is you have no way of knowing how many of these good qualities and experiences would have developed naturally anyway if your life had stayed on course. I suggest you read "Releasing the Bonds", by Steven Hassan. This may help you to realize that the perceived appeal of any benefits you gained from the org were probably things that appealed to your true self. The true self would have existed regardless of you being a witness or not.
  - BadWillie.
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  larc

  Willie,

  Since I was raised as a Witness, I had no choice in the matter. You are right in that there is no way for me to know how many of my reported "good things" would have occured anyway. It is also impossible for me to know how many "bad things would have occured anyway as well. Fortunately for me, the religion and my own mother were less strict and rigid about daily life than they were later. As a result, my experience was less traumatic than some.

  Willie, I don't see the idea of finding the good in our experience or in ourself as one of rationalizing. Quite the contrary, I see it as excersising a rational mind in coming to grips with one's present situation and one's self. It seems to me, that a good deal of our present happiness is determined by what we choose to dwell on. If we dwell on bad experiences we will feel bad. If we use our past experiences to help ourselves and others, we become much happier people in my opinion.
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  Joyzabel

  Thanks larc for that nice post. I agree with you that we need to look at the positives in our lives. I am just recently extracating myself, still have family in. But my experience was different in that while raised a JW, exBethelite, I went to college to insure I could support my family and myself if somthing happened to my husband. (Didn't want to depend on life insurance) Also, I was mentally dying in a rural area serving where the "need was great". My husband, an elder, got hasseled alot for allowing me to go to school and persure my dream of becoming a midwife (legally), I was already doing homebirths for some of the friends. Anyway, surpressing quilt all those years for not being up to standards, ie hours of field service, bible studies, etc., I had relied upon speaking skills, time management, ability to follow through and study habits to get me through my courses. Now many years of dealing with the real world and seeing others qualities and being complimented on mine, I finally realized I had some good qualities I could be proud of and management skills that were developed while young that has allowed me to "shine" above the rest. I still, though, am dealing with the feelings of being so duped all those years (even though I was rebellious in my own way) and not wanting to be bitter or hateful. I appreciate your comments and hope that others who lurk will see that there is calmness and peace with oneself after leaving an organization that is so controlling. Now I am trying to really develop my christan qualites and help my children/family see the true message of Jesus's sacrafice.
  J
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  Amazing

  Badwillie: I disagree with your comparisons. The Watch Tower leaders are bad, but not comparable to the Taliban. The JW religion is false, and misleading, but not on the level of terrorists organizations.

  And while some of the good we gained there could have been learned elsewhere, some of it could not. It is not 'rationalizing in any way to admit that there was some good. For example, the friends I made are well worth the trouble. My daughter met my son-in-law as a JW, and were it not for that, we would not have the wonderful grandchildren we have. I learneed some valueable lessons as a JW, and lessons I would not have learned any other way, including making a careful reading of my Bible.

  Yes, if I had the chance to do it all over again, knowing what I now know, I would still make the same decision so that I could have the same grandchildren. But, I would make it a much easier road.

  I would have kept more documentation. I would never have revealed any weaknesses that could have been used against me. I would have documented more, and would have made a better effort to collect historical literature. And I would handle my departure in the public media the way Silent Lambs did. And then write a much better book and get filty rich and owe it all the the Watch Tower religion.

  Amazing
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  bboyneko

  The only good things I gained from being JW was
  1) Public speaking skills
  2) Ability to spot scams (really a benefit of leaving)
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  Pureheart

  I appreciate your comments on this matter Larc. I to feel similar about the education provided throught the WTS. It has helped me also in all aspects of my life.
  The negative experiences that I equally received has also helped me.
  I wanted to run away from the negativities but decided to stick it out, because I would lose what matters to me most, "my family". So I take advantage of the positive aspects, and grow that much stronger through the negative ones.

  Pureheart
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  Farkel

  larc,

  Here's my comprehensive list of the good I received from being a JW:
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  Stealth

  Thanks for this post Larc, I myself can sometimes dwell to much on the negitive aspects of things in life.

  I have to admit that being raised a JW did teach me public speaking skills that I would probably not have received else where because it is not in my nature. It was forced then as it is now, but this did allow me to learn these skills and has helped me to excell in my choosen field of work.

  Good post, thanks again

  -stealth