Wanting to just FREAKIN run away....I think I know why now...

by oompa 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  oompa

  there will come a point in time when you get the perspective needed to see what all this hoopla surrounding Jehovah's Witnesses actually is....complete and totally unneccessary drama. Instead of settling in Brooklyn, the WTS should have settled on Broadway. The extent that they go to try and convince the world that they aren't what they so clearly are.....is straight out of a broadway show....ala The Producers.

  R's Hubby

  Hubby, that is awesome! It really is a theatrical experience that is produced to make them soooo important in the UNIVERSAL scene. But for some reasont he word...BULL$HIT keeps coming off my tounge with incredible frequency now.....easy drama critic maybe?....oompa
• 

  Tyrone van leyen

  I can certainly relate to the feeling of being a freak. When these powerful feelings overcame me, I was 19 years old. Subsequently I did exactly what you speak of ran away. It seems I could never escape the noteriety even if they had all long since forgotten about me. This has changed the course of my life. Even if I was now accepted the damage has run so deep that I resent that they would even conceive of giving me their conditional love again. I have mended relationships with family but much time has been lost. I guess they have come to realize that I am no longer emotionally vulneralbe and their tactics will not only no longer work but I can see through them. The fog has cleared and I might even be unpredictable. When you have nothing to lose anymore you might as well go all the way.

  Incidently, is your avatar a mianifestation of the way you have been feeling inside? If so you might consider a new role or a new way of seeing yourself. That is exactly the way they want you to feel. At any rate if my assumption is incorrect, I'll just shut my cake hole.
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  oompa

  Thank you TruthSeeker...I am going to google Owent Sound! Man there are a lot of nice Canadians on JWD...but I do love to pick on you hosers.

  Nomoreguilt: I can't help myself here. The most absurd statement I ever heard from the platform at the District Convention...." JEHOVAHS PEOPLE ARE HAPPY PEOPLE"..... clap clap clap .

  guiltless...I can't help but think of how even if that statement was true....only Eli Lilly should get the credit for most in the crowd! Love you name here...wish I could take a pill for that.....

  Sonspot : MY first reaction when I finally realized that I had been duped and lied to for 30 years---was while fighting the disbelief of it ALL, was a feeling a very real and intense pain in my gut. I felt as if I had truly been kicked in the midsection by a horse.

  Sonspot I had the exact same feeling....and crushed to the core causing me to weep like I have only ever wept one time before....It was such a bad moment the first time, that it took me awhile to admit how much the second time it happened felt like the first. My wife of many years returned after a three month hiatus to inform me she had really been nuts, hoped things would work our for us and our kids, and then told me she was pregnant with some other nutjobs child......Yeah I had a drinking problem for awhile.....It felt like a bat hit me in the back of the head because I remember falling down that night in the driveway, crying uncontrollably cause I knew life would never be the same and by golly I was right that time too......thats what it felt like for me to know the moment of truth....pretty bad...............oompa
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  marmot

  Already got a guitar and my dachshund says it's not ready for a relationship and wants to be "just friends".
  
  My buddy in Sweden say that we'll go to Thailand or something and have some fun. My bank account put forth a strong counter-argument so that'll have to wait for a bit, though.
• 

  BIG D

  oompa....

  all of us, like you who are adults, with a family, feel the same way, after my x left and , left the troff, i was alone , with 3 kids, i was devastated!

  words cannot describe the anguish i felt and at times still do, i have left the troff too, i am alone still, with my kids, and i have become stronger than i ever thought possible, i was married for 22 years, my whole life!

  i have days of doubt and sadness, but one thing i have learned, i want to share with you, if your wife still cares for you, do all you can to stay together, THE MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE IS FAMILY!

  IT HAS BEEN 5 YEARS NOW, AND I STILL HAVE DAYS OF DEPRESSION, but the days go by, and my kids do something, anything, and i am so glad to still be here, i know it will be the same with your kids, and hopefully wife!

  this is our time, this is our life, this is our family, this is our happiness, i dont concentrate on my desires much anymore, and you know what its great, my kids , family, is the most important thing now!

  get a hobby, get involved in kids school, a gym is a wonderful thing, running is great!

  you are a special person that the world cannot do without! agape, my brother, big d
• 

  JK666

  Oompa,

  I feel for you man! You are the one who "flew over the cookoo's nest." THEY are the ones still in the asylum.

  Just remember that you are getting better. It is similar to dancing. When one person changes the steps they are making, the others around you have to change what they are doing too. And most people (especially JW's) do not like to change. You are making it necessary to look at things they would rather be blissfully ignorant about.

  Maybe you will need to get some space, but make sure that is what you really want. In some recovery programs, it is suggested not to make any major decisions in the first year. That might be good advice for you. You are growing as an independant person, that can think for himself. Easing into it would probably be wise.

  Call any time, bro!

  JK
• 

  anewme

  Oompa, listen to me. You are ok. But you are leaving yourself no room for another possibility.
  You are creating either/or scenarios, black/white, truth/lie, right/wrong, this/that,
  them/me, life/death. These thoughts are running through your head and making you absolutely miserable.
  
  PLEASE SEE A REAL DOCTOR AND GET SOME MEDS-----ZOLOFT, LEXAPRO, PAXIL,.....THEY ARE ALL GOOD.
  
  When we experience long term stress it can rob us of some vital balancing ingredients that help us cope with life and people and issues. They call it Post Traumatic Syndrome. It was identified first in soldiers coming back from combat, but now doctors identify it in sensitive people who undergo prolonged stress.
  
  I think being a witness is very stressful. Taking on such a large responsibility of preaching to the world and being responsible for its blood if we dont preach and save them is very stressful. Dealing with JW teens who are having difficulty seeing the value of the JW lifestyle can be difficult for the parents who themselves are struggling with the long wait for the fairy tale paradise.
  
  Seeing friends and family grow old and die without experiencing the long awaited New Kingdom under Christ is very stressful and adds to the growing doubts. Experiencing mean elders and gossipy sisters and feeling ignored or unloved in ones congregation too is stressful.
  
  Feeling pathos for the world and wanting to help in more ways instead of arrogantly stating they are all in the hands of the devil and good riddance is in itself hard to deal with.
  
  Too many meetings and too little fun and relaxation. Too little money due to too little education is worrisome.
  
  What I am trying to say is, you are not alone in the mental state you feel you are in. I can totally relate! I was having anxiety attacks during family get togethers. I was behaving in strange ways.
  Looking back I was needing meds and a true friend WHO CARED MORE FOR ME THAN FOR THE DAMN WATCHTOWER ORGANIZATION AND WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THOUGHT!!!!!
  
  Thats what you need. You must get to a doctor and get some Zoloft. Try it. It will help.
  
  
  It will quell and soothe the extreme bouncing of negative thoughts that produce nothing but panic or ultimatums in your brain.
  
  
  Oompa we all love you here and want you to get through this awful time in your life successfully.
  This will pass and you will be fine.
  
  Others have been through what you are experiencing.
  
  Please do what I say and get to a real medical doctor quickly.
  
  You will be ok.
  
  
  Sincerely,
  
  Anewme
• 

  White Dove

  I understand what you are saying, oompa. I too do not wish to be treated like a freak and so keep the family believing that I'm still in that freakin' religion (as a pioneer, no less!). I dread to visit any of them for the very real fear of not having anything in common with them anymore. You are in good company. But you are really turning from being a freak in society to being a normal member of it. I guess that doesn't really matter as the people you are close to are the ones that matter to you and would label you. I wish you success in figuring all of this out. It's so difficult to reinvent one's self after leaving the cult.
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  oompa

  Marmot....glad you have a guitar. also wanted to tell you don't be bummed too much about money and possesions....I have been real lucky and have many nice things, but I am not as happy as when I was 21, lived in a trailer, and drove a 68 VW bus! Rebuilt the engine myself and was real proud of that. I was much better at guitar and music then too.

  TyroneVanMan: Incidently, is your avatar a mianifestation of the way you have been feeling inside? If so you might consider a new role or a new way of seeing yourself. That is exactly the way they want you to feel. At any rate if my assumption is incorrect, I'll just shut my cake hole.

  nah, just the comic coming out in me, sorry. but thanks anyway Sigmund

  Big D-----you sound like an AWSOME dad!!!

  anewme: PLEASE SEE A REAL DOCTOR AND GET SOME MEDS-----ZOLOFT, LEXAPRO, PAXIL,.....THEY ARE ALL GOOD.

  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.....thanks for the kind posts, but I am afraid the meds may be all good for many, but I have been a frikking walkin Pharmacy for the past two years with little benefit. Down to a California Cocktail of Cymbalt, Wellbutrin, and good ol Lithium!!!!!

  WhiteDove: It's so difficult to reinvent one's self after leaving the cult.

  And frankly I dont think we should.....I liked myself in many ways.....but if you mean reinventing by trying to fit in to two different worlds while being true to yourself.....yeah that is tough!!!.........oompa
• 

  R.Crusoe

  It is a hard idea to move away from kids whom you feel you will be unable to influence as part of your own social future. And staying home makes the situation go downhill too because although you know full well all of your wifes worries, she is getting overloaded with support from the KH which has her mind more set against you and thinking it is your weakness that is causing it and why can't you be strong for her and the children. It will do your brain a triple somersault and slam dunk before shredding it till you feel so bad you need to lie in the arms of someone who loves you and all you have is this person acting like you need to get a grip whilst going about her life and knocking doors as you fall apart! It was her mind on baptism which, unlike yours, held the elders in higher authority than you - and you will feel the pressure of that just like ex JW sisters keep on about it being male dominated! You will feel constantly policed in your own personal and spiritual privacy by an organization which has infiltrated every aspect of your life and future. It is a bad situation and if you were given the chance to make a new life for all your family I'm sure you would attempt it but it is unlikely your wife will see it your way. And if you think love is dead between you both then maybe this way is best! It is a bad thing that you feel compelled to give up having a daily input into the childrens lives. I don't know your situation but if your wife was to fight against it you will already be reluctant because of all the pain it will cause them. Family life can ruin us completely as no doubt you know. I hope you find a path to happier times that sits well with you and that good times lay somewhere on your horizon. It's a no win situation and something best worked out between you if possible for the benefit of everyone - though religion has the power to seriously hamper that where JW doctrine is involved! Good luck!