SIGH... Mother troubles again...

Elyse867

So I opened up my laptop last night, to check my email and such, and my mom had obviously just checked hers... she was still logged on, which has never happened before. I felt like I NEEDED to look in her emails, which is not something I would normally do, as I hold privacy as something sacred. As some of you know, my mom lives with my hubby, me, and my kids. What I found made me so angry and hurt... it makes it hard to look at her now. She's written a bunch of emails to her 'boyfriend' (who happens to be an Elder) about being "forced" to take care of my kids... WTF? I've asked for her help a handful of times, when I really needed it, and she wasn't doing anything else. She said she's a mother all over again, "raising another litter."

What made me MORE angry, though, is that she wrote countless times, "this isn't where I'd choose to be." She doesn't want to "be with unbelievers." We opened up our house to her RENT FREE, in our three bedroom house, so that two of our children sleep in my and my hubby's bedroom, so she could have her own room... We've helped her with money when she needed to fix her car, also taking it to the shop while she's in service with OUR car or whatever... We've taken her on our vacations, out to dinner, (she won't go with us anymore, and now I know why) I've overlooked the horrible mother she was to me growing up...

What made me laugh a little is that she wrote, "What if I'm still here when the end comes?" As if Jehovah, their 'loving' God is hurling fireballs at all the non-Witnesses, and aims for me and my hubby and kids, and misses and hits her... They say, put your trust in Jehovah, bla bla bla, but they don't think Jehovah will spare them if they happen to be in the vicinity of an 'unbeliever?' <huge sigh="sigh">

So now, part of me wants to tell her to get her crap and get the 'f' out of my house, and part of me is still attached and desperately wants to NOT hurt her feelings... so what do I do now?? I'm thinking of writing my DA letter, and one to my family, staring from the very beginning, telling them all the reasons I don't believe in the 'truth' anymore. Maybe it will 'force' my mom out of the house and we can start living our own lives. I just wish I didn't love her so much. It's obvious I love her more than she loves me.</huge>

WingCommander

I know this must be very painful for you. I couldn't imagine reading an email like that. Well, here are my initial thoughts. Jesus stated that some of the very best things you could do would be to take care of widows and orphans. Ok, one point for you as you have obviously taken in your self-centered mother.

Now, my immediate reaction to your situation of having a small house, she staying rent free, and your kids in your bedroom (unacceptable) is that, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away," - see how she likes being on her own again!! Tell her these arrangements are not working out for you, that you feel your house is not large enough and that YOU are burdening her with the kids and also that you don't want to be a "spiritual burden or barrier" to her. So, those feelings out in the open, you'd like her to find residence with her loving "spiritual family," and being the good loving Christians that they are, assure her that you are positive that others in her congregation would be more than happy to take her in....possibly even her Elder friend.

Don't make her make YOU the bad one in this; after all, you took her in in the first place! I would not tolerate such shit from anyone, much less my own family. Put the ball in her (and her JW family) and make THEM help themselves.

Regards,

Wing Commander

Gringa

Wow - you could have been writing my story!!! Only my mom told my brother that I am satan.... now that hurt!!!! LOL

I had to move on, cut my mom out, She was too destructive to me personally and my kids. Do I love my mom? Of course. Does she love me? I really don't know.

I wrote her off 25 years ago. Yes, we do still have limited contact and now that she is 80 we are doing better then ever before, but she never stops hurting me. Why, only yesterday I talked to her for about a hour on the phone and she hurt me deeply YET AGAIN. I will never live up to her expectations, and I am not sure why I keep letting her hurt me, but I do. Just not that often and she doesn't hurt my kids because not one of them will have a thing to do with her.

It's sad, but my, my life is better without all that hatefilled crap in it.

mrsjones5

Give her a month to make other arrangements and move out. I know she's your mother but she's like a snake in the grass right now and if she isn't happy at your house then maybe she should go.

megsmomma

I am sorry she is like that. It seems that JW's are trained that don't need to have any respect or appreciation for anyone who isn't a JW. Vicious gossip doesn't exist when it is from a JW about a non-JW. I understand what you are dealing with because of my own mom. I just don't know what to say about it...it's just sad.

worldtraveller

Hurling fireballs at you? Are you kidding-seriously????? If God wants to get rid of someone I would believe it would be much easier to simply say "it will happen" . After all, He created all of this, it can just as easily be destroyed with just a thought.

As far as mom is concerned, NO ONE RIDES FOR FREE!!!!. If God is so good for her, then God can help her. BUT!!!, the kids are your most important asset, You must keep your kids away from all of this pain. Expose them to nothing. Do what you need to do and stay far away from them (the kids), or you could destroy them.

Blood is supposed to be thicker then water, but in this case, your kids are first billed. Tell your mom if she feels unwelcome there, the front door is unlocked.

Tough love, but I for one, have zero tolerance for abuse when kids are involved.

My younger brother put a gun to his head at 35 because of parental abuse. He was truly messed up. You don't want crap like that in your own home.

Be compassionate in your decision to protect yourself, but be firm. Good luck.

Dagney

(((Elyse)))

Well that sure brings some perspective! Don't write any letters, that's not the answer. Right now, if you can, take the kids out to the park, someplace outside in the fresh air so you can clear your mind and have some happy thoughts.

Then there are very good suggestions on what to do with mom. Discuss them with hubby, chew on them awhile and search for the wisdom inside on what the right thing to do is for you and your family.

Sad isn't it? Jeez.

worldtraveller

When I said stay far away, I was referring to uncomfortable situations, of course, not you or your hubby.

Elyse867

"When I said stay far away, I was referring to uncomfortable situations, of course, not you or your hubby."

Haha, understood. :)

Elyse867

Thanks everyone... your consideration is MUCH appreciated. I'm going to take a few days and get my thoughts together. My head is all 'whirly' right now. I just need to come to the realization that my mom has never been a real 'mom' and never will be. Once I come to terms with that, I'll make an attempt to get everything out in the open so we can move on. I just can't help but wishing she'd be there too. But I can't change her. And she'll never change.

SIGH... Mother troubles again...

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