Elyse,
From the point of view of one who has had all of my brothers and sister, not to mention many other relatives, shun me I have taken a very hard line. Tough love is it. Let the JW's take care of themselves. If they need assistance, have them talk to themselves.
Under the circumstances, it would appear that she doesn't appreciate your kids anymore than my relatives do mine. They are more than aware that they are not permitted to talk to or associate with my daughter. MY CALL on that one! I won't have them poisoning my daughter's mind with their lies and deceit. THey did the shunning and I ensured that the door was slammed shut! They will have to do much more than a simple apology (figure the odds) to get back in my good graces.
Your company and the company of your husband and children should be the most important thing to your mom, but other than as a meal ticket and a ride, it would appear you are meaningless to her. CALL HER ON IT! But only when your head is clear and you are exceptionally calm. She will know you are serious if you don't come unglued. Make any visitation contingent on her publicly disavowing any association with WT. But, again, make it clear that it was HER choice, not yours. She went through that door that separates her from her family, you are just politely, but intentionally, closing it!
I have been dealing with this for quite some time and had one incident that I will speak to here that may grab your attention. One of my great-aunts, a used-to-be wonderful lady, invited me, my wife and my daughter over to her house for dinner. I hadn't seen her in years because I was on the other side of the world for most of that time and had now been stationed in a place that was very close by to some of my family, her included. Anyway, we had a nice dinner and spoke to all manner of things, but nothing JW. That was cool....... I thought! Well, shortly after, I had to go to the middle east for a bit. During that time, she wrote my wife and told her that she and my daughter were welcome to come over but I was not. She had just found out I was DF'd I guess..... whatever.
Anyway, she wrote this rather lengthy letter and my wife didn't tell me about it til I had been back from my overseas assignment for a few days. She then let me see it......... you wouldn't believe what that letter was trying to do. My wife, never a JW, had the exact same thought about it that I did..... She was trying to break me and my wife up!!!!!!!!! Trying to drive a wedge between us. Well folks, that was all it took. All of the prior shunning I had experienced and now this..... it was to much. So I took an action that made it clear to the rest of my family that you get between me and my wife and there will be hell to pay. I called her up, read the riot act to her, to include things like this: "I now have a record of this call and since it is long distance, that record is written. If you or any member of your household ever physically contacts me, calls me or my wife, sends any form of correspondance or in any way attempt to make contact, I will take you to court for harrassment. I will have you arrested. This call is being recorded (and it was, I still have the tape and the letter). At this time, you are no longer a member of my family and I will treat you just like anyone else harrassing me or my family. Got it?" She answered yes, and I proceeded to hang up.
Well, you can guess the outcry that occurred in the "rest of my JW so-called family." The problem for everyone involved was that they couldn't deny what my ex-aunt was trying to do...... I had the evidence..... the letter. I then took the opportunity to tell them that the biblical warning about families breaking up is, in the case of JW's, a self-fulfilling prophesy and this is a perfect example. Then I told them that if any of them mentioned her name in front of me or my wife, I would apply the same rules to them as I had applied to her. EVERYONE GOT THAT? You try to break my immediate family apart and you can expect the wrath of a serviceman to be breathing down you neck just like I would any other ENEMY.
Additionally, I made it very clear to all concerned that the "bridge was burned." No apologies will be expected or accepted from her. To me, she is dead. Believe it or not...... most of my family backed off fast. REALLY FAST! They realized that I was not kidding, I was deadly serious and unless they wanted to permanently become persona non-grata, with no chance of redemption, they had better listen to me.
I wouldn't have reacted so strongly, except I saw this person as an immediate threat to my marriage which, if they would actually READ their silly book, she should have known was one of the biggest no-no's in there and that my response was indeed biblically valid. When a husband marries a wife, all other family is second..... period! It worked for me....... they don't even come CLOSE to threatening me or MY family with their crap. "I" am in control, not them and/or their silly elders.
Anywho..... sorry for making this so very long. But I wanted you to see another way of responding to the kinds of madness JW relatives expose us to and expect us to accept. I find what your mother said to be utterly reprehensible. Disgusting in the extreme...... and SHE said it, not you! But that is my take..... and believe me, as should be readily apparent, I truly feel your pain. This religion SUCKS!!!!!!!!!
