WILL YOU kindly help me?

by Terry 86 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Terry

  Did you get any help taking care of any financial or moral obligations (i.e. taking care of members of your family with health concerns, etc) while you were in prison for the organization?

  I'm sure you covered this, but how about your witnessing efforts in the clink? Did you convert the whole place?

  Both great questions!

  I didn't cover either---yet!!

  The only financial help you get in prison is when your relatives (or friends) put money in your prison account for your to buy commissary. You are only allowed $40 a month. I got nothing from friends or the congregation at all. No books, magazines, money, letters or visits.

  Witnessing in prison is practically a non-event. Other inmates are considered "bad association". Isn't that delciously ironic?

  I only know of one "conversion" and I don't cover it because I am not 100% certain that it wasn't more of a homosexual seduction disguised as conversion. That was the rumor. But, we had dirty minds in there!
• 

  Terry

  What were your thoughts and feelings when you were sent down and how did they change.

  Did you feel proud at first that you were being persecuted for Jehovah's sake for instance?

  Gradually come to the realisation that you'd been conned?

  ... and in between?!

  And how did the experience affect you emotionally overall - do you feel you've become hardened towards others - and maybe yourself?

  I'm asking these because I'd have an interest in the psychological/emotional effects. Life dishes out some hard blows but how we deal with them makes all the difference

  I probably best cover the psychology of it all.

  Mainly you are in so much psychological shock and "pain" you internalize your existence into a tight, waterproof compartment like a pillbug rolled into a ball.

  You don't "feel" for awhile. You work your way out of that finite state of armor only gradually.

  I think you lose I.Q. points and damage yourself by repression. But, you gain the "ability" to distance yourself from threats over time.

  Thanks.
• 

  Terry

  This ought to take quite a bit of writing, because you have to start at the beginning where they treat you like thye love you, then the slide down after you are dipped, on to the fake smiles and "oh we have been so worried about yous" and eventually the spinning around of the shopping cart and running the other way when face with "The Terry".

  This is a beautiful suggestion! I do need to contrast and compare!

  The irony of being "love-bombed" when I was becoming a JW and how the reality of that fake love vanished the moment I needed it most is an amazingly important point to utterly neglect!

  Thank you a million times!!
• 

  Terry

  Your last post answered one of my questions -- what contact/support did you receive from the congregation while you were imprisoned? It was of interest to me because a good friend of my family made it a practice to write to incarcerated JW conscientious objectors during the Vietnam War. I had hoped she was one of many.

  I'd also be interested in learning about your relationships with other prisoners, their initial reactions to you, if and how those reactions changed over time, etc. Ditto re: your relationship with the facility staff and administration.

  Did you have a cell/roommate? Was it another JW? Were JWs grouped together in general or dispersed throughout the population?

  Letters and visits are your lifeline to sanity. I didn't get letters or visits from non-relatives. That is inexcusable from the standpoint of being "loved" and in the prayers of my brothers and sisters in the congregation. They did not care at all, it seems. I made excuses for them in my heart at the time, however.

  My conversations with other prisoners constitute (for me) the most interesting part of the book. The administration is embodied in the persona of one particulary person who really gives it to me. Incidentally, as I was writing these discussion it was truly and outrageously strange to put myself into the mind of my accusers and find myself AGREEING with their arguments now. I couldn't really agree with my OWN arguments anymore.

  Isn't that mind-blowing??!!
• 

  seven006

  Terry,
  
  First of all, the place you were at was/is called a “correctional” prison. Do you feel you have been corrected? What was it they did there in an attempt to correct you? Did they just leave you and everyone else in a state of survival mode?
  
  Second, Fiction?
  
  I read your explanation of why you wrote it as fiction. I think that is a mistake. Buck up Mr. reader/writer. I think the “this is based on a true story” scenario makes it less interesting and less marketable.
  
  Let the reader see it through a set of real eyes, not simi-fictional ones. You are too good of a writer to take the fiction route on an actual real life experience. Make your next book fiction.
  
  That’s just one guy’s opinion.
  
  Good luck with it.
  
  Dave
• 

  Terry

  Terry, I have to admit that after checking your file I can't find any information at all regarding your imprisonment. So I suppose I ought to go to question #0: What were you in for?

  I had assumed your were a conscientious objector to the draft, but I'm not sure.

  Do I understand correctly that you converted to JWism while you were incarcerated, or did I get something bass-akwards?

  If you were a JW conscientious objector, tell us about your meetings with the draft board and your (presumed) attempts to be recognized as a minister. How much support di your local elders offer and actually provide in your pre-convict ordeal?

  Thanks, Nate.

  For the record:

  I started associating with my best friend, Johnny Santa Cruz about 1957. I began attending the Polytechnic Kingdom Hall in Fort Worth around 1959. I was baptised a couple of days after the JFK assaination in November of 1963 at the Cleburne, Texas assembly.

  I was an irregular publisher from then until I was arrested and tried.

  My prison sentence began on October 23,1967. My case number was CR4510 in the Tarrant County Courthouse and my presiding Judge was Leo Brewster. My court-appointed attorney was named Petrovich.

  I entered Seagoville Federal Correctional facility ten days after my sentence after spending ten days in the Tarrant County Jail on the Sixth Floor.

  I was sentenced to a youth sentence under my number Y-11857. The sentence was called an "indeterminate" sentence. This meant I could serve as few as 6 months up to a maximum of 6 years depending on the parole hearings and my personal conduct while incarcerated.

  How's that?

  Thank you.
• 

  Gregor

  Maybe it's nobodys business but your answer is ambiguous as to what you were imprisoned for.
• 

  Terry

  Terry,
  
  First of all, the place you were at was/is called a “correctional” prison. Do you feel you have been corrected? What was it they did there in an attempt to correct you? Did they just leave you and everyone else in a state of survival mode?
  
  Second, Fiction?
  
  I read your explanation of why you wrote it as fiction. I think that is a mistake. Buck up Mr. reader/writer. I think the “this is based on a true story” scenario makes it less interesting and less marketable.
  
  Let the reader see it through a set of real eyes, not simi-fictional ones. You are too good of a writer to take the fiction route on an actual real life experience. Make your next book fiction.
  
  That’s just one guy’s opinion.
  
  Good luck with it.
  
  Dave

  Thanks, Dave

  I had to make it fiction. I tried giving a first person go at it. But, here is what happened. I simply could not speak from my mindset personally because it is completely and utterly alient to me now and caused me so much psychological pain to try to re-enter that thinking I had to abandon it.

  Secondly, I couldn't be honest! I couldn't say the things about myself I needed to say to be truthful with my own name attached. I kept trying to pretty myself up and become somewhat strong, courageous and noble!

  I wasn't any of those things! I was pathetic, weak, insolent, stubborn and willful. I don't have the strength of character to own up to that in the first person voice.

  So, I only changed my own name. Every other name in the book is non-fiction! But, the book being "fiction" protects me from the wrath of any real person who doesn't agree with my assessment of their behavior or participation.

  You see? I'm covering my ass on all fronts.

  No medal of honor for me.

  P.S. The guards there made it abundantly clear we were only there for PUNISHMENT and not rehab. In short, we were viewed as cowards and draft dodgers trying to protect our candy-asses from Viet Nam by pretending to be Christians with morals.
• 

  Terry

  Maybe it's nobodys business but your answer is ambiguous as to what you were imprisoned for

  Thanks--important point to cover!

  When a Jehovah's Witness was facing the draft during the Viet Nam war they were instructed at a local level (Kingdom Hall) to sign up for the draft and apply for a minister's exemption from service.

  Only full-time ministers (Pioneers) really qualified in the eyes of the Selective Service--if then.

  This encouraged brothers to become full time pioneers, naturally!

  Eventually, each brother had to go before a local draft board and convince the members that you qualified not only as a genuine minister, but, as a fully functioning minister in a very real sense and not just an idiot cult-member who knocked doors and placed Watchtowers. (Their view.)

  Every brother who eventually went to prison failed to clear these hurdles.

  I was denied my 4-D classification. I only put in 10 hours a month (if that!) and was not seen as being a minister.

  I was given a Conscientious Objector status, instead.

  The F.B.I. agents who came to my house questioned me for an hour about how long I had been involved with JW's and what I really believed, etc. They were obviously weeding out fakers.

  Finally, I was called up. I had to report for my Armed Forces physical exam. My congregation overseer (Presiding Elder) told me I needed to go for that all the way. I did. I passed the exam.

  I was now eligible for induction. As a Conscientious Objector I would have to be sworn in to the army and assigned "Alternate Duty" of a non-combatant nature.

  I was instructed by my Presiding Elder and his Assistant (Brother Gene Beard and Wally Coulter) that I could NOT allow myself to be sworn in. Nor, could I accept an ALTERNATE assignment or court sentence to perform work in a hospital. This was viewed as a moral equivalency with serving in the Military!!!

  I refused induction and would not be sworn in.
  I was arrested. I went before a Federal Judge who sentenced me to a Youth Corrections Act sentence of six months to six years (Indeterminate) after I refused to work in Terrell state hospital as alternate service.

  That cover it?
• 

  R.Crusoe

  What were the thoughts in your mind that supported the position you took as you walked the walk. Did you rely mainly on one or more ideas when inside to justify it to yourself? In your heart, did you feel you were in touch with Gods will or were you following head rules and feeling emotionally detached from Him -or both? Did you see yourself standing like Paul, for your Christian belief in Jesus? Did the reality fit the position you thought you were taking? Did you feel you were doing it on behalf of a brotherhood? How close did you feel to that brotherhood on release? Did the reality of the brotherhood ever become realized in terms of how you viewed it and how you committed yourself to their cause? Did you ever get the feeling you were a lab rat who'd been put in for a scientific experiment rather than standing for Gods will? Did you carry an essence of brotherhood in your head which inspired you to take a stand but which you realized later was your personal over loyal heart deluding your mind that everyone else had the same essence as yourself, only to discover later that everyone else seemed more in touch with Bible bureaucracy than the spirit of love? Did you ever get the feeling you stood in the middle of the pitch for a big game, ready to give your all for your team, all the floodlights were on, but alas you were the only player who turned up - the stadium was empty - it was just you and god? The rest were all having lunch or taking a walk at some convention someplace? Did you ever feel what was overflowing your heart was only found in yourself and you didn't know what to do with that feeling? Did you ever feel your whole spirituality was overflowing like a young male going through years waiting for his dream girl who never showed and now the fires have died to embers? Did it make you feel wasted? Hope one or two snippets helps! Ray.