by nvrgnbk 65 Replies latest jw friends
But, then we have a generation of children coming up now, who verbally abuse their parents, who have absolutely no fear of reprecussions, who probably could have used a spanking or two when they were little.
You really think that kids verbally abuse their parents because they needed to be spanked more?
You think kids today are more misbehaved than in previous generations?
I think that belief is common, but I also think it's an example of historical myopia.
Many people who have spanked their kids, have done so a handful of times in their child's life, and only when it was something very dangerous or serious. Beating your child and spanking them are not the same thing.
I only received a spanking from my father twice in my life and I will admit I deserved it. It made an impression on me and I learned from it - never did the offence again. My step mother on the other hand, was a hit first, ask questions later type. Usually accompanied by verbal abuse as well. She knew what to do that hurt the most. The only lesson I learned from that was humiliation.
BB
Although I'm realtively young, I do feel that there is a huge change (not for the better) in parenting trends. I see the parenting trend as "I want to be your friend, not your Mom."
I see this all over the place. At the grocery store, the kid is running rampant, knocking things over, screaming for his mom to buy him something, and his mom says, "Honey, don't climb on the shelves, OK? Don't open that box of cereal, OK? We can't buy that toy, OK?" Do you see the trend? It's that "OK", meaning, if it's OK with you, I'd like to say no to you; may I have your permission to discipline you?
The parents want to befriend their children and don't want to be the 'bad guy' and say no. So the kids basically rule the roost, but they don't have the intellectual or emotional capacity to really be their own disciplinarians. They lose trust in their parents and also lose respect for them too. That's when kids start telling their parents to 'shut the f**k up' (yes, I heard a 15 year old tell his mom this in the office where I work; I bolted a glance at her, expecting her to stand up for herself as the mom and as a human being. She just simply clamped her mouth shut-exactly as ordered.)
Sometimes a firm (not with all your strength) swat on the butt is necessary to snap the child back to reality. A quick swat is used to get their attention. When a child is completely out of control, yelling or "reasoning" with them is like talking to a tornado. As sweetstuff said, spanking is only one small part of discipline. Spanking alone, without ever speaking to the child explaining the problem, does absolutely no good. It has to be used appropriately.
I remember one time my dad decided to put me in the trunk of the car and drive down the road to shut me up. In the summer. In Louisiana.
What a horrible experience. Your dad and mom must have been desperate all the time to please the elders. I am sorry it happened at your expense.
I don't know if or how to forgive, but if it helps (and it is helping me), a social worker reminded me recently that we all use only the tools we have and make mistakes as parents when we don't know any other ways to handle our own rage/frustration and/or that of our kids.
We can only change ourselves and hopefully forgive ourselves for our own mistakes, use the "new tools" and hope we can help others to find some new tools for parenting, too. Sometimes the only way to help others find the willingness to change is to make new laws, or write a few provocative and/or educational posts.
I don't know how to reach abusers, except to confront it. I find that truly scary, But I do it. It's the most important work of my life.
Doh........gahhh......ehhhhhhhh..........phaaaaaaa. I have nothing to say I suppose.
I hated that my Mother spanked me. It seemed, to me, that I got spanked for no good reason; and I hated that she didn't let me explain myself. "Don't talk back!" I didn't spank my children because of this reason. Now, I wonder if I should have.. .
