The Borg is Hounding Me Now !

by Maddie 42 Replies latest jw friends

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  Maddie

  I knew it was going to start soon. The hounding by the borg is in full throttle now. I have been experiencing the lull before the storm but it seems to be over and the hurricane is looming overhead. I told my JW family a few home truths about the WT a few weeks ago and how I felt about it. I was surprised and happy that they didn't shun me after that as they are die-hard JW's, but ever since I have had this sinking feeling in my stomach that something awful was going to happen. I haven't been to KH meetings or been in contact with elders or any JW's (kept well away from all of them) for months. I have had a few phone calls from the r/f but have kept the conversations brief and casual. I haven't ds'd officially yet as my main concern has been to try and maintain relationship with family and that is the only reason.

  Yesterday an elder phoned, spoke to my husband and wants to come over this week. He is going to phone again as I wasn't in at the time and he wants to arrange it with me. Funny thing is he told my hubby he wants to speak with both of us What do you think that is all about?? My hubby has always been pleasant enough to them in the past but now that he has seen the unhappiness they cause and knows everything about the WT ( he knows more than me through research), I think he will tell the elder exactly what he thinks.

  I really would appreciate some advice from posters that have been in my situation. Should I refuse to meet with the elder or have him come round and let my hubby give him an ear- bashing? I made up my mind that I wasn't going to live a lie when I told my family the truth and I won't go back on that, but I would obviously like to avoid making it completely impossible to still have contact with my family. I feel so depressed.

  Maddie
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  carla

  Couldn't hubby use the 'head of the house' routine leaving you to be the poor jw woman who is just trying to maintain peace blah, blah, blah. Then it would look like he is simply not allowing you to go the kh (after he gives the elder an earful) and you can try to wimper away to another room too distressed to handle the situation, then when they call again you could be depressed or working things out and drag it on indefinitely? You could keep the familly and you & hubby can be left in peace? Would that work? Just delaying the inevitable but would give you some time to think about how to better handle the situation and maybe drop some seeds of doubt with the family.
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  Junction-Guy

  Good idea Carla.
  
  
  
  
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  freydi

  Maddie, sounds like you've been turned into the fuzz. Change congregations, fast. Then do it again. It's the American baseball ploy of "Who's on 1st, What's on 2nd and I don't know who's on 3rd."
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  faundy

  I for one would disagree with Carla, for the simple reason that avoiding the issue isn't necessarily the right thing to do. The elders tried to contact me months ago but never asked to speak with me face to face and never asked to to a meeting of any kind. But if they did, I'd probably go, and I'd tell them what I thought. In the end, is what you have found enough to convince you of something? If it is, speak with the attitude of someone convinced, and stand up for what you know is right. We were always taught to do that when we were Witnesses, and we can still have firm beliefs and stand up to them, even if they conflict with the Elders'. As for your family, you will never agree with each other on this. Now, you can either reconcile your family and go back to meetings, or concentrate on the life you have made for yourself, with your husband. Just a thought.... Faundy.
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  LouBelle

  the witnesses are excellent nit pickers!

  You could try fade away like you've been doing but then you'll have to put up with the concerned phonecalls and visits for a little bit - they will eventually get tired of it and should leave you alone.

  or you could just tell them not to come over - be busy every night - but again you'll have to be prepared for phone calls.

  or if you truly believe they are false and lie and you want nothing to do with them - tell them that - but then you'll get disfellowshipped and your family will shun you, like my family shuns me, but though in the beginning it's hard and it hurts your heart and you can't understand why, the peace does come and you will be alright.
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  Maddie

  Faundy - That is what I meant about not living a lie any more. I know what I need to do to be free of them but I guess I just need to talk about it with you guys because of the fears that I am trying to overcome.

  Carla - I have thought about this option because of my family and believe me I am tempted. Then I think of the WT from a much wider view and I believe that as Mr Spock in Star Trek said " The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few". I just feel that we need to stand up to them if they are eventually going to be brought down. That's just my opinion.

  Maddie
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  jgnat

  Funny thing is he told my hubby he wants to speak with both of us What do you think that is all about??

  Well, women's minds don't count. We're hopelessly fickle because of our hormones, don't you know. The elder probably feels it is more proper to guide the husband as head of household on how to control you, rather than speak to you directly. It's a delicious situation. Talk to your hubby about what HE wants to do about it.
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  Maddie

  jgnat - I never thought about it that way because hubby isn't a JW but you could well be right. Hormones be damned for making me so mindless!
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  inbyathread

  The elder might also use anything your hubby says as evidence against you. Hubby needs to watch his words carefully as well.