by freedomfighter 37 Replies latest jw experiences
freedomfighter you may want to check out this book. It's about a Witness who was disfellowshipped, faked a reinstatement and eventually got her daugher out too:
GOING UNDERCOVER TO RESCUE MY DAUGHTER, FROM THE CULT OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES"
BY NANCY J. SAGE
http://www.amazon.com/Going-Undercover-Rescue-My-Daughter/dp/0941813053
My dear freedomfighter, it must be terrible to be in your situation. Here is my perspective.
1. Remind Mrs. ff that smoking is not grounds for divorce as a JW. Neither is anything else except adultery.
2. If she files for divorce, hire a good attorney and tell him what a bizarre situation you are in. Tell him you want to keep your marriage together for the sake of your child if nothing else. Be sure the judge likes your attorney and will listen to him or her.
3. Ask the court to put your child's interests first. Emphasize that your child needs a father and that the child would suffer economically and emotionally if the marriage breaks up.
Regards and best wishes,
SandraC
Marriage counseling will make or break your marriage. Your whole family needs to go since your home is at stake. Unfortunately, in my ex-wife's case she could not articulate a positive reason to the counselor for her cold-shoulder treatment of me for quitting the WT org. The counselor did get her to decide to file for a divorce- sooner rather than later and that was probably for the best. It is hard being put out of the family home with just a car load of personal things to show for 19 years of marriage. I can't complain as the Bible did warn me, "you will reap what you sow".
Well years ago my Elder husband was removed as an elder and disfellowshipped for smoking. He grew a beard and quit going to meetings for 2 years. He never did any kind of investigation he just went more or less wild. I stayed with him, ate in public with him but we did lose our friends. It was tough but there is simply no reason for her to divorce you simply for getting disf''ed for smoking because it happens all the time for smoking, drinking and occasionally drug use.
She needs to be assured of your devotion to her and your son and your continued committment. People do get reinstated to save their family then later fad. So don't feel bad about that. It is all a game after all when it comes to the religion isn't it?
My husband that was disf'ed got reinstated and we remained married another 20 years till I left him when I learned about the lies the organization supported and he did too.
Best Wishes,
Ruth
..Let me get this Straight..The WBT$ receives profits from Tobacco Giant "Phillip Morris",through the Henreitta M.Riely Trust Fund.....And..You were DisfellowShipped for Smoking 6 cigarettes a Day..???????......That is just Stupid!.....Sorry,but it`s black humour at it`s best..Or..Worst..What a mess!.....Tell the Mrs.you only smoke Phillip Morris Tobacco!..................
...OUTLAW
To both of you who posted about being in this situation, I am truly sorry for what you are and will go through. The book about the mother who went back and got her daughter out is a good idea.
Also, two posters on this board that I remember went throught this same situation, had success with their families. Go back about 4-5 years and read posts by Dansk and Amazing. Their stories are amazing--sorry about the semi-pun, they can inspire you and help you to be creative and to deal with the long term emotions that this process will stress.
Whatever either of you two do, make certain that you are ready for what you are planning, there is no prise for second place or a half assed attempt. Act with concsious and deliberate intent, always being aware of what is going on, and also try to keep a calm collected zen like focus.
I think all of the advise here is good, even the contradicting recomendations; they are all A way of doing this, choose your path well.
Dear FreedomFighter,
(((HUGS)))!! Welcome to the forum!! We are happy to have you here!! If you love your wife and your child, and you can handle going back in to either get them out or fade..I certainly would!! There have been many who remain in because of they feel they will lose their families. It is hard to judge someone in your shoes unless we have walked in them. You will not have me calling you a hypocrite, that is for sure! Most here will no doubt agree. A few..may not understand..but then again...it isn't their family that they are losing either.
Hopie is a poster here that just wrote a book on getting her daughter out of the organization. She and her husband had left in 1983, and for 10 years her daughter shunned them. In 1993, she decided to go back in to try and rescue her daughter. Which she was sucessful at doing. So for her it was well worth the effort, and for you it may be worth it too.
Hang in there!! We are here to support you no matter what you decide! There are many here on this forum that are still in physically..and stay in for their families..but have checked out mentally. Anyhow..please keep us posted as to what you decide.
Sincerely,
Lady Liberty
Hey Freedom Fighter,
Sorry to hear that you have to go through this.
Another idea is simply this - you could let her know what you have discovered about the WT organization.
If you are able to free her mind, then everything else will fall in to place.
Call me crazy, but it just might work.
The Oracle
What a sucky situation. Garybuss makes a lot of sense. Problem I see is just plain from her comment, 'why didn't you quit smoking when the elders told you to', she wants them as her head, she respects their 'leadership' and that's totally unacceptable for them to take that place in her life AND for her to let them. So as my mother would say, 'maybe she can sleep with them too.'
very sorry to hear about this.
did they give you an estimated time of when you should turn in your letter to get reinstated? i know the wtbts has lightened up on the length of time for df'ing, but don't know if old schoolers are blocking that. if you quit, you might be able to go back in three months or so, put on the water-works, your best acting, 'oh, you've made me realize the errors of my course and how close to being on satan's side.....' yadda yadda yadda, then do the fade.
ask you doctor for xanax, it can get you through meetings, you'll feel stoned and there will be nothing on your breath....it's really legitimate b/c you'd be going into a stressful situation three times a week, so a little chemical hug could help.
using my marriage as my only experience and not knowing your experience, i would try to do the get back in, then fade out.
not now b/c i've been out for eight years, if they wanted to go after me i wouldn't even meet with them b/c they don't have any power over me....it would cut off some relatives if i got df'ed, but i'm personally working through depression and anxiety and the only reason i'd ever step into a back room at a kh would be b/c i had to make a fart.
but, eight years ago, or ten years ago, since i wouldn't have completely faded yet, i'd try to pull your plan off.
oh, and it worked for someone i know....df'ed, then faded and his wife is still 'in', but they're happy now.
