by oompa 32 Replies latest jw friends
Oompa,
Sorry for what you are going through man!
Pretty tough.
I am dealing with the same crap. Can't go to the Elders though because they would cut your balls off!
Please keep plugging away!
Locutus,
Your story inspires me to try to achieve what you have. I felt overwhelmed by your post as it is exactly how I feel!
Please keep up the good work and keep inspiring people!
One reason why I dislike posting is because of the possibility to be totally misinterpreted by other posters. I can understand how my comments might have seemed that I was standing in judgment of Oompa or anyone else in his position! I definitely did not mean to give that impression, but you can't tell that just by text alone.
I was trying to explain (and obviously not very well!) how difficult it was for me, because of my upbringing, to understand how elders justify drinking at all, let alone heavy drinking. The elders who have studied with me have all joked about their heavy consumption of hard liquor. (It totally shocked me at the time). I didn't realize when I started studying with them that they were really miserable on the inside from being beaten by the org with constant demands for more work, and changing doctrines that left their heads spinning.
I also think that for elders to try and offer counsel on this if they are heavy drinkers themselves and to disfellowship people as a result of the same thing that they struggle with is very hypocritical and unloving. I definitely do not see that as following the example of Christ, the good Shepherd.
I am really concerned about Oompa and I hope that he can one day be finally free from the demons that are haunting him. I have already contacted him to ask for forgiveness if I caused additional hurt by my post. I am also very sorry if it caused anyone reading it to feel discouraged or that it was unloving or condescending. If you actually knew me as a person, you would know that is definitely not the type of person I am.
Sunspot asked:
Is your status as a "non-drinking Christian" a personal choice to NOT ever imbibe, or do you feel that it rests on a biblical command to not do so?
It is mostly the first, although I have been taught that alcohol was used for disinfection purposes in water and was very watered down. I have family and friends that drink wine, believing that the Bible allows for this, and I respect their postition on this matter as one of conscience. I hope you understand that I don't want to hijack this thread and get into a debate over this issue.
Locutus said:
I respect where you are coming from but you are coming across to me as very judgemental. I have walked in Oompa's shoes, have you? your comment comes across as condescending. The LAST thing Oompa needs is a bunch of bible verses up in his face. He needs understanding, empathy and support.
I totally agree! and that was totally not my intention!
Eclipse said:
what is it exactly that you don't chew? - food? meat? body parts?
That's funny! The little rhyme is from the earlier part of the 1900s, I think, and referred back to chewing tobacco. I always thought it was a very corny way to express convictions. I never said it myself, and in fact I did "go with boys" that drank socially.
Satanus said:
Your quotes show that there is a time to drink. So, how can you be judgemental if a person in much pain follows what your quotes say? It's a form of medication, which you amply show that the bible advocates.
That was actually the point I meant to make! Thanks for stating what I should have said in the first post. Those Bible verses absoultely make sense to me NOW that I understand the pain that the Witness religion causes to its followers. It is a terrible, terrible thing!
Are you suggesting that someone in the position of oompa should not feel pain?
Absolutely not! He has my deepest compassion, and I wish that I lived closer to him so that I could be of some practical support.
Sorry for the confusion, guys, I will try and be more coherent next time.
No problems, truthsearcher. I guess that i misunderstood, sorry. Together, we can help oompa through this tough spot in his life. I also knew/know about a few elders into drinking, while i was a jw. I never criticised or ratted them out. Now, as well, i don't think that i have criticised them for that.
S
Hey Oompa,
Like I've told ya before, I struggle with this also. When I was df'd about 20 years ago, I started drinking. It blocked out the misery I felt, for awhile.
I've noticed now, that if I ever "fall of the wagon" it is usually because of some old JW baggage I'm still carrying around.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to vent here. You've noticed that many people really understand where you are coming from. Get it all off your chest, instead of letting it eat you up. Depression is anger turned inward, but you know that.
The JW solution for alcoholism is a joke. How is putting in more time in field circus going to help you deal with your problems? It doesn't. Neither does the constant beating from the podium. I really wish there was more I could do to help. Just remember I'm pullin' for ya!
Oomp - we don't DF here, as far as I can see...
I can't tolerate much alcohol myself - comes from being force fed whiskey to make the molestations easier. The smell of whiskey (scotch, bourbon, etc.) makes me gag.
That doesn't stop me from understanding your pain and the response to that pain - I too will help you up from the curb and welcome you back...
Alcohol temporarily eases the pains and sorrows. I think we all acknowledge that. I have actually wishes sometimes that I COULD drink or enjoyed drinking because I was having such a crappy day/week that it seemed like a nice way to cocoon and isolate myself from my own misery.
I think the theme here is that if we remove the misery, then the alcohol dependence will decrease in many (hopefully). The problem is that we all have crappy days and different ways of dealing with different issues.
Ooompa, I know that right now is a really harsh and hurting time for you and you know that your way of dealing with it isn't helping you, the situation at large or your family. Is there any way that you could (sorry if this has been addressed before) speak with a counselor and your wife to maybe work through all this-in a way that your wife will understand and not add to the issues before you both? It seems you love each other a lot and the Borg is the big elephant in the living room that you need to remove. Maybe not from your wifes life, but from your marriage as a whole. The drinking is your problem and ax to bear, but the Borg is right in the middle of it and it and your wife are parts of the sum of the problem right now.
I know a whole lot of nothing, but your pain and anguish makes my heart cry for you, and I know your wife and kids feel a million times more what we here feel-even if the org. is part of the issue, they are taking it to heart, you know?
You love all of them or you would not still be there, and this would not be tormenting you as it is. They need to understand that part-because it is at the root of it all, and it matters the most that you are able to find some family resolution or nothing else will improve if you stay in the mire of that religious family muck. Any way to use the headship principle to neutralize the effects of the borg teachings in your own home?
I don't know what to say. It happens to everyone every once in a while. Don't be too hard on yourself. As long as it isn't an every day occurence I wouldn't worry too much about it.
(((((oompa)))))
I am checking back in after a WILD weekend. I tend to drink too much too. It is causing me to gain weight apparently. But more important is why? I have past demons haunting my mind and drinking shuts them up. I also tend to not want to throttle the kids when they fight every night. The doctors have doubled my antidepressant dosage so that may help. Do you need meds too?
I hope you can find your reasons why and maybe a better way to cope.
momz
Unique;
as far as I can see from most of the posters here; it most certainly is not just the odd evening of bashing the bottle. I make NO excuses for my past excesses, but it seems that you will drink more if you are severely troubled.
Ooompa must not be condemmed for this. It is a period of trouble in his life. He will come through it.
Shell ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGGGGGGYYYYY OOOOOMPAA)))))))))))
By the way guys, I thought this post had died, but there is so much good and kind advice from you all....thanks so much!!!
Locutus of Borg: Keep in mind that her mind is clouded by the cult mindset . . she obviously cares for you. That is a blessing in and of itself dude.
Great...she cares for me so she must have a cult clouded mind!!!! Just kidding. I have really thought about this since I read it. She cares for me, and I for her and that is a lot. I have let her know more clearly how I feel about borg, but also about her. Thanks so much!
Sunspot: wished I had not had it so I could stay alert to play Scrabble with my son and grandson after dinner. I can't tell you how many JWs that I personally knew of, that drank often and drank A LOT. None of us thought very much about it, and tattling on others just wasn't the thing to do.
Sunspot, I would love to play scrabble with you in front of a good fire.....if we did hit the blue nun we could really get away with some good words!! For twenty years all my best heavy drinking party bros were mostly elders....it is a stress reliever, but not the best.
JWDaughter: I think the theme here is that if we remove the misery, then the alcohol dependence will decrease in many (hopefully). The problem is that we all have crappy days and different ways of dealing with different issues. Any way to use the headship principle to neutralize the effects of the borg teachings in your own home?
Daughter I should spank you for even mentioning the Headship Principle! I have never used as a dub, and sure won't now, but that is me. But your theme concensus is dead on I hope. I never have a problem stopping, not even for a year. But if too much hits the fan, I want to checkout, or I used to selfmedicate nightly to de-stress and get to sleep. I hope to quit all use, but if I ever try it again I want only the minor social use.
Unique1: I don't know what to say. It happens to everyone every once in a while. Don't be too hard on yourself. As long as it isn't an every day occurence I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Hey girl, what would my grandpa think of us posting here! Don't be too kind to me, it could make others feel too good about themselves! I do agree that right now, if I went back to heavy nightly drinking....3/4-double GT's a night which make me groggy every morning, it would be worse than no drinking and only getting trashed 2-3 times a year. However, for my own sake and my family, I never want to do that again, unless my wife and I are maybe partying hardy at a NEW YEARS EVE BASH!!!
MomCrazy: The doctors have doubled my antidepressant dosage so that may help. Do you need meds too?
Neighbor, I could have opened a frikkin PHARMACY with the meds I have taken the last two years. You need to believe that there is no point in taking them if you drink regularly!!!! Ask your doc or check the web. None worked except Cymbalta, but only for a few months! It was awesome when it did...a homerun I told the doc. So we doubled the dose...none better so we added this that and the other....you name it, I've tried it..I have a very high metabolism. So right now I am on 300mg Cymbalta, 300 Welbutrin, and good ol $10.00 Lithium. It is called a California Coctail of sorts by the shrinks. How do I fell after a month of this? No different. But something is better since I more clearly stated my strong desire never to return to hall, and never to leave my great wife. Man I love you guys!!!!....oompa
