Dear Wife, so sorry I checked out and drank too much last week, and thanks (page 4)

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going thru Oompa. Now, take this with a grain of salt if you will, but in my opinion, taking medications or alcohol do deal with your situation is just avoidance. You don't want to deal with the things going on, understandably, so its alot easier to check out.

There is a huge difference between an alcoholic and someone who occasionally abuses alcohol. An alcoholic cannot go without it, period. An alcohol abuser will go on binges to avoid dealing with pain, an alcohol abuser can quickly become an alcoholic however if they deem the self medicating is working.

I lived with an alcoholic for eight years, he could NOT go without it daily, hid it, needed it to cope with day to day life. Now, he had his reasons, including abuse as a child by an elder, a bi-polar mother who unfortunately although she meant well, made his childhood a living hell, but it was a choice none the less. He chose and still does, to self medicate instead of dealing with his issues directly.

It sounds like perhaps that is what you are doing now, as you said, checking out, avoiding dealing with the situation. I get that, I have compassion for you and understand why you are doing it. However, as a friend who does care about you, I got to tell you Oompa, you are only hurting yourself further and broadening the distance between you and your wife.

You need to take a long drive, or a long walk and ask Oompa what Oompa needs to be happy. Forget everyone else, your family, your wife, your friends. What do you need to be happy? When you figure that out, stick to it. I repeat stick to it. I think you will find a huge burden lifted off your shoulders if you do.

You cannot make anyone else happy, until you are. You can't live for the ones you love, you can only live for you and share the love that peace brings you with them. Now, I will probably get jumped on here for what I am about to say, but its my honest opinion. Too many people are too quick to jump on medications/alcohol to avoid dealing with life, yes, there are situations when it is needed, I can't judge that, only a professional can and even some of them are a little too pill happy, IMO. When the drugs or alcohol wear off, the problems are still there, they don't vanish. Better to face them, painful as it is, deal with it and grow from it. IMO

At a point in my own life, my doctor suggested I take anti-depressants because of the "stress" I was under. Alcoholic husband, abusive, having an affair with my co-worker who I had to see daily at work (yeah that was a blast, let me tell ya), my parents giving me crap for leaving the "truth" telling me I was dooming my children to die at armageddon, yup, that's stress, lol! It got so bad I even developed shingles due to the stress.

I said no, because I knew that taking something would not change anything, wouldn't make the "stress" go away, or the pain go away. It would only numb me for a while, so I would have to face things later. I chose to face things then, deal with it then. I don't regret for a second. It was hell at the time, but I got thru it and realized how much stronger I was than I ever thought I could be. Light is at the end of the tunnel Oompa, you just have to keep your head up and keep walking forward to find it.

Try detoxing your body and your mind. Take a break but not with the use of something to medicate you. I said it before, I'll say it again. You need a vacation, just you, time to think, to breathe freely. Even a day or a weekend, where you get away and have time to just focus on yourself and what you need and want in life to be happy.

Just know we are all here to listen and we do care about you. We want to help, we want to be there for you as friends, even if it cannot be in person. You aren't alone. But I for one will personally box your ears if you keep drinking like that, because I care enough to say, you need to stop running and start dealing. Booze will only prolong the pain, because sooner or later, you will have to deal with it. And the consquences of drinking will only widen the gaps between you and those you love. (((Hugs)))

Dear Wife, so sorry I checked out and drank too much last week, and thanks

JK666

sweetstuff

Locutus of Borg

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