Unmarried and pregnant by JW

by Valrose 37 Replies latest social relationships

  • JWdaughter
    JWdaughter

    Not knowing anything more than you have contributed, I have an idea of what you will be facing. When you tell them, together or apart (I might suggest together, who knows what kind of nasty stuff they may suggest to their son if you are not there) they will look very disappointed, they will sigh, they will give you a speech about how your actions are unacceptable to them as Christians. That they haven't shunned him already (and they should have according to their teachings) means that they may decide to at this time, or it means that they will love bomb you and him--because grandbabies make people do crazy things. They may make speeches about how they don't feel like they can support you, visit you in your (oh so sinful)home, and don't expect them to babysit. They may pressure you to marry or pressure him to leave you-or they may just shut down and be colder than they were before. I suspect cold, but not an entire cutting off-because they see the next generation-your baby-as their chance to redeem themselves. Therefore, I would lay down some ground rules after the baby is born, but before it is old enough to understand any of the dynamics. Decide for yourself and BF if your child can be exposed to that religion at all. If they are hardcore, they may try to take baby/child to kingdom hall and give them indoctrination-subtle or totally overt--to convert him to their way of thinking.

    I would strongly suggest that you immediately go to a lawyer and write up a will and custodial papers including your wishes for who would raise the child in the event the two of you were deceased or incapable. Think of some nice normal people!

    Congratulations on your little one! What a blessing. I hope you are all very happy and you and baby healthy. This is a hard time even without the JW stuff. Don't let this stuff get too intense or hard. If they are hideous, just tell BF you need to drop it(them) for the time being and concentrate on your immediate family and health. If they try to make it hard, just cut them off.

    You might want to get some kind of agreement with BF that he will NOT try to raise the child JW, even if he changes back. I have no idea if it is enforcable, but JWs often DO go back, especially after having children. Since you aren't married, you should see an atty. anyway and work out some agreements as to custody and visitation issues in the event of a break up. Kind of a pre-natal agreement. This might make the both of you think harder before doing stupid things that could hurt your family or especially that beautiful little baby.

  • Superfine Apostate
    Superfine Apostate

    that very much depends on how JWish his parents are. my mom would love her grandchildren, no matter what, although she's the only pioneer in town. she'd try to indoctrinate the little child all the time though.

  • darkuncle29
    darkuncle29

    Go to a book store and buy...Help! what's the whole title to CoC?!?- by Ray Franz. You need to work with your BF, does he still believe the WTS beliefs? Also, are you familiar with the term "Love Bombing"? There are other terms used to describe cults that you may not be familiar with. They will use manipulation to try to coerce you or him back into the JW, this could start as already mentione LB and then shift to shunning, using both positive and negative pressures on you. I think the process is called "grooming", its also used my sexual predators on their intended victims. Learn and understand this process.

    I think it is important for you to completely free your BF from the beliefs, if you spiritually inoculate him, he can't catch it. (hence CoC, Crisis of Conscience?)

    I don't see how they could have a legal leg to stand on with trying to take your child away, unless you like to party or anything like that.

    No matter how kind or helpful or good to you they are, DO NOT TRUST THEM. But they are also humans, and should be treated kindly, just don't ever forget that you are worthy of death...acording to the teachings of their loving god.

    Take your prenatal Vit, eat plenty of Omega-3 fatty acids, and congratulations.

  • Royal Rose
    Royal Rose

    Oh honey that is so terrible. I married a witness too but wasn't pregnant at the time. Still I felt like an outsider all along. Then again people are different, I've heard of better experiences than mine, well somewhat anyway. How far are you into your pregnancy?

  • Honesty
    Honesty
    Oh, and I won't respond positively to a bible study. I have no interest in joining a cult, christian or not.

    Be kind and sincere with them...

    Let them know how you feel about a 'bible' study and cults right from the get-go.

    They'll at least respect you for that.

  • nelly136
    nelly136

    your boyfriend may not be going to meetings, but you need to find out where he stands on the blood issue

    should you or your child ever need transfusions etc.

  • Gringa
    Gringa

    Wow! A new baby! I am so happy for you.

    Like many have said, it depends on the people. My mom is a JW in EVERY sense of the word.I was born into the cult, 3rd generation, I came to her, scared to death, to tell her I was pregnant, out of wedlock, when I was 20.

    She amazed me. She was more loving and supportive than I could imagine. She did tell me that she wanted me to get married to the father for the sake of the baby. Which we did, but not for 4 years later. She was kind to my future husband. She was wonderful to my baby.

    My 4 children are now all grown and she has never stopped trying to teach them the Bible, but they have all rejected it. Most of my kids don't even stop in to see her because they don't like the preaching. The father of my kids made it clear to her when she first invited him to the Kingdom Hall that he was not going and never would. She never asked him again. He also, put his foot down hard when she wanted to start Bible studies with the kids. He did it, so I wouldn't need to have those fights, she seemed to respect him more than me.

    He has been out for a couple of years, they know he is drifting away. They might not be all that surprised. Afterall, JWs understand the temptations out there in the world.

    I don't know what they will do, honey but I can tell you this - the hardest part is the days leading up to telling them. Just do it and get it out of the way. Personally, I think he should go by himself to tell him, just in case they go nutz. You really don't need to go through that, but that is your decision. If you think you can handle it, go with him for support.

  • carla
    carla

    You need to find out if he is mentally out or just out due to other reasons. By all means find out where is stands on the blood issue! Never leave your child alone with these grandparents EVER under any circumstances. I don't care if they are willing to be free babysitters, your childs emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental well being are at stake with jw's. They will want to teach your child that your will die at Armegeddon and you are of satan for not joining them.

    Be prepared for your jw to possibly go back at some point, be able to care for yourself and your child financially at all times so you don't have to depend on him. Discuss what if scenarios with your bf. Learn about the cult and the long history of human wreckage in its wake. You may want to think of legal help in the worst case scenario, there are sites out there with legal help in keeping children out of the jw cult and lifestyle. Much of what you do now will determine later how a judge would rule later should your bf go back and try to get custody himself or with the help of his parents.

    Take care of yourself, let us know what the bf says about it all.

  • Gringa
    Gringa

    Ya know - I let my mom babysit and I even let her take them to the KH when they got a little older (5 or 6ish) - they hated it - they didn't want to go. If you allow a child a choice, no child would willingly go to the Kingdon Hall and sit through that crap. They would say, MOM WE HATE IT THERE and then I could tell my mom that the kids didn't want to go and I wasn't going to force them.

    Actually, allowing my children to have the freedom to spend time with grandma, and get to come home and talk about it with me, actually kept them from ever wanting to get involved with the cult when they got older.

  • ESTEE
    ESTEE

    Gringa wrote:

    She was kind to my future husband. She was wonderful to my baby.

    This is an awesome testimonial! Valrose, I’m holding a vision your boyfriend’s parents are overcome by love, rather than fear, resulting in a happy beginning.

    And congratulations about the baby! I wish you only happiness.

    ESTEE

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