When I started my fade, I told my parents I wouldn't be att4nding meetings any longer as I wasn't living the lifestyle and felt it would be hypocritical to do so. They looked at me and basically told me to fake it and go anyway.
Was There A Specific Event That U Remember-- Realizing It Wasn't The Truth?
by minimus 51 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Good Girl or Bad Girl?
Yes. There was a specific event that caused/forced me to bring to mind the rest of the stuff I had been shoving to the backburner of my mind and/or justifying for years. When someone I'm very close to was wrongly (in my opinion) disfellowshipped I couldn't stand it anymore. When he told me why, and then when the elder on his committee told someone in my family that they only DF'd him because his wife was being disfellowshipped and that they didn't feel like he had even committed a disfellowshipping offense, even though his wife had her own committee and a whole slew of different reasons for coming forward than he did, that was the start of the end for me.
Then I looked at other people I knew who had been repeatedly reproved instead of disfellowshipped. These people who had elder dads. And suddenly it started to click in my head. And I felt incredibly scared and anxious and free and like a burden had literally been lifted off my shoulders all at once. It was a very confusing time for me.
I had gone on a road trip with this girl who told me all the things she had done, and how she had confessed all of them to the local elders. They privately reproved her. The same elders who felt it was necessary to disfellowship me. The same elders who told me they knew I was repentant but had to disfellowship me to make an example of me. They reproved her because they told her that no one but her knew about it. I wonder if they knew she was running around telling everyone who would listen how she got out of that one. Of course they didn't because they are not God's men. It is not God's organization.
My mother likes to say the elders are imperfect men and it's not right to expect perfection out of them. But that's what they expect from the flock. Perfection, or deception. Those of us who don't "make it", I think, are the ones who are not dishonest enough to keep up the facade. Or else they really are pure and perfect like my mother. She is so genuine in everything she does and it would hurt her so much to know how much others in her very congregation are deceiving each other each and every day, pretending to be something they are not. I would bet money on it that the people who decide to disfellowship people have done things they could get disfellowshipped for if they were one of the unworthy rank and file. Being an elder brings immunity though.
-
NomadSoul
At that time I was reading different philosophies especially Ayn Rand’s. So with that thinking in mind I started to notice some things.
Book Study: The Prophecies of Isaiah. Every chanced they got they tried to fit in each prophecy to the organization. I later on noticed it on almost every literature. I couldn't take more of the literature crap and going door to door advertising something I had doubts about, so I became inactive. Seen the treatment I got by becoming inactive gave me more assurance that this wasn’t any "divine" organization.
One day I was curious as to what kind of information was in the internet. I ran into Randy's website and started reading. First I thought it was crap, but after I read the Watchtower Psychology section it backed up my suspicions, then I started reading about the false prophecies then the rest. That was so refreshing because it backed up my decision even more.
-
joanne_
Well, like everyone here, it was a combination of things. Lack of love, jumping through hoops, and the realization that people all over the world pray, sometimes their prayers are answered, sometimes not. Just the same as people in the 'truth'. Then I realized, that it was all a big puzzle, and I did not quite fit.
I knew that I could not do enough to really be 'in' and have friends. I went out and made my own friends, honest hearted and god fearing people...but without all the pressure. And now when I read about the blood issue, UN, 1914, etc...I know that I would never have been happy. But I think the biggest was I felt that "I did not fit" within that structure. I would have gone nuts beating myself up for not been good enough...And that I know does not come from God. I have found God my own way.
Joanne
-
R.Crusoe
Glad to hear that Joanne. You did the best thing possible! Well done!
-
stillajwexelder
No 1 thing minimus (like you) but a combination over time. C. O Johnsson The Gentile Times Reconsidered" showing 1914 to be bull crap was a start. Then Randys website www.freeminds.org that led me to here. But all the Bethel Cartoons by Quackenbush on Randys site were very brilliant and instrumental - particularly like "The Anti-typical barb wire fence" .Of course Crisis Of Coinscience must not be over looked and even though he is criticized here Derek Barefoots book with all the subliminal artwork was a real eye - opener
-
myababes
Although we had been dissatisfied with things for a while it was a specific incident that brought our demise.
My daughter had fallen pregnant at the age of 16 and we had to have a meeting with the elders about it. My hubby was an elder at the time so because of her age we sat in on the meeting. they tried to get my daughter to bear all about her "relations/Acts" in front of 3 grown men. When they started asking her it made us feel physically sick and my husband put an end to the conversation there and then and told them to leave. Although we were uset about the pregnancy at the time it was her business and none of their rights to question her since she wasn't even baptised thank god. It took us ages to get used to the idea we had subjected our little girl to that sickening experience and my husband resigned the next week and we literally stopped going. However on a positive note it made our relationship with our daughter stronger since we were able to support her and not shun her and 8 years later have a beautiful grandaughter and a well balanced intelligent confident daughter.
-
mouthy
myababes !! That was wonderful I am so glad to know your hubby stopped the inquest. It is disgusting to think men can sit & question young women like that.
He is a TRUE MAN in MY ears. Thank him from me for being a gentleman (((((HUGS)))) -
onacruse
1994 (the generation change).
-
bigmouth
Yes! The United Nations NGO affair of 10 years.
I was forced, after researching, to re-evaluate my trust.
It was badly misplaced.