9/11/01 made me realize that I have been preaching for the death of billions, and that it would look pretty much like the attacks on the Twin Towers.. I could only imagine Jehovah's angry face as he emptied out buildings in sheer rage. I realized then that I worshiped a sadistic bully. I realized I loved people a lot more then Jehovah did.
Going to Gilead: I thought I would study the bible, and that it would strengthen my waning belief that god even existed. What is Gilead all about? Every other bible character prophetically symbolizes the modern day "borginization" and usually Rutherford and Knorr. The kicker was sitting in class as we started 2 Kings. The answer on the test that would count to my grade was "Elijah = Rutherford and Elisha = Knorr"
That wasn't the first time parallels had been made to these two idiots. For some reason, my bulls**t meter finally kicked in at this question. I sat there in class and for the first time in my life admitted to myself this very simple statement, "I don't believe this." I looked around at a couple of my classmates, bobbing their heads with smiling faces... I felt sick. I looked at my ex, and she was joyful to "learn" this. I felt even sicker.
I keep saying that Gilead is not the place to realize you belong to a cult that was founded by the Quaker Oats guy. For 4 years, my gut, my brain, something was telling me over and over again "This isn't right." But I kept going because of the ex and because of the large amount of sunshine blown up my rear end. But it all came crashing down that day.