by dawg 39 Replies latest jw friends
Maybe someone can help me with this. In dealing with a certain JW even in a personal conversation not scripture related, I keep getting NON-ANSWERS.
It's like others on this thread...the ISSUE of the SUBJECT matter is totally ignored, and instead they use some trivial thing to try to redirect the conversation. Or they declare this trivial thing as the answer to your question.
How do you deal with this?
How do you pour the proverbial "cold water" in their face?
How do you deal with this?
How do you pour the proverbial "cold water" in their face?
Why do you feel the need to do this? It seems to me both sides - the JW and the non-JW - feel the urge to win over the other side. That's a recipe for chronic frustration. Why poke the chicken when you know it ain't yet cooked?
Why do you feel the need to do this? It seems to me both sides - the JW and the non-JW - feel the urge to win over the other side.How do you deal with this?
How do you pour the proverbial "cold water" in their face?
I am not refering to theocratic debate. I am referring to a strange behavior that is used even in "normal" conversations.
You can't reason with emotion. Until a person is ready themself to take a critical look at "the truth" they are emotionally committed to it and will never agree with any criticism of it no matter how "logical" or "reasonable."
Very true, fahfegnuten...(sorry about butchering the name).
When I was confronted by my folks, my dad was flying off the handle during the second meeting. I just had to remain calm and keep to the facts.
It's not just JW's but they sure do show it the worst out of all the Abrahamic faiths I have seen.
Hey Dawg,
There is an old rhyme:
A man conviced against his will,
is of the same opinion still
When people have strongly held opinions, particularly on religion and politics, facts and logic are ignored. Additionally, the JW religion strongly programs the "all or nothing" mentality that if an adherant begins to weaken even on something relatively trivial (like oral sex inside marriage), then alarms go off, suddenly they sense that they are returning to satanic pagan christendom and will be destroyed at Armegeddon. I've found that many seem to get uncomfortable about expressing almost any personal opinion.
You've already had some great feedback on your thread here. Maybe the only thing I might add is that when I get into things with my parents, I remind myself and them of the good that they have done for me and how they've tried to do what they thought would be best. I know I have plenty of bad days where things I want to express just come out wrong, I get frustrated and may appear to be angry when I'm not really. But I always try to fix my stupidity ASAP, and cut others plenty of slack for their bad days. I've found that it makes problems and bad days less frequent and less serious. Anyway, now I'm rambling and will stop...
Take it easy Dawg, and have a Happy New Year !
Maybe someone can help me with this. In dealing with a certain JW even in a personal conversation not scripture related, I keep getting NON-ANSWERS.
It's like others on this thread...the ISSUE of the SUBJECT matter is totally ignored, and instead they use some trivial thing to try to redirect the conversation. Or they declare this trivial thing as the answer to your question.
How do you deal with this?
Oh, thank you for bringing this up! My husband does this with all kinds of questions that I ask -- I mean really trivial, household stuff. It's like he heard a totally different question. He just starts on some long-winded "explanation" sort of answer to a yes or no question. When I re-ask the question, he starts getting angry, especially if I say it's just a simple yes or no that I'm looking for. Sometimes I'll say, "So that's a yes?" This gets him really defensive. He will also say that he's sorry he didn't give me the right answer or didn't answer the way I wanted him to.
I think he's being sarcastic when he says this, but it's really hard to pick up on the sarcasm in his tone. When we are actually arguing, he says words that impy sarcasm, but the tone of voice is missing. It really weirds me out because I can't tell if he's being sincere or not. It didn't used to even occur to me that he might be being sarcastic. I have friends who have been married a LOT longer than we have, and they can't tell when their husbands are pulling their leg, but I can tell their husbands are. So it's not like I'm retarded when it comes to reading people.
The thing about not giving me the right answer or not answering the way I want him to seems really peculiar. I'm like WTF??? When I ask him what that means or tell him I didn't have an answer in mind, he gets argumentative. I totally don't get it.
As to how I deal with it, I usually go with the, "So that's a yes?" if that's what he kinda, sorta ended up saying. If he's not being too defensive or argumentative, I just give him THE LOOK or get kind of snappy in a playful way. If he didn't even come close to an answer or the mood is all wrong, I just let it go unless it's something I have to know right then. In that case -- oh crap, here we go. I mentally roll my eyes around my head a few times and try to stay patient. Usually, I start off with something like, "So (encapsulated version of what he just said)?" Or I start pulling teeth and we both get mad.
I'd like to know how others deal with this, too. Makes me nuts! I feel that cognitive dissidence thing happening to me. Very Twilight Zone. I have to say this used to happen a lot more than it does now. I try to make him feel safe expressing himself, even if what he says doesn't make any sense to me. He has recently started expressing his feelings or wondering about things on occasion without any prompting, which is new for him.
Want to start a new thread with this?
I am not refering to theocratic debate. I am referring to a strange behavior that is used even in "normal" conversations.
Could you be more specific? For example, what are the things they do or say that you'd consider "strange" even in "normal" conversations?
I have come to view it as speaking to someone in a language they don't understand.
How long would you frustrate yourself talking to someone that doesn't understand a word
of what your saying? Once a logical point has been made and a JW suddenly doesn't
have the capacity to apply reason and logic, the language of common sense speak,
I don't waste my time anymore.
You know that confident look you can give someone when you know something they don't?
It's kind of a, you poor misguided moron, I feel sorry for you, look. That's what they get
from then on.
steve2, I know you're talking to Tula, but what I'm talking about is normal, everyday kind of stuff -- like if I ask if he needs me to pick up some more Tums. I won't get a yes or no. I might get something like an explanation of what Tums do for him. I don't know -- it makes no sense.
