hard to find "in" relationship while inactive

by believerNYCgirl 27 Replies latest social relationships

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  jgnat

  Hi, I'm the non-JW half of a mixed marriage. I also remained celibate for twenty years previous, as a strong believer in an evangelical church. There simply was no-one compatible in my immediate circle.

  So I can definitely relate to your struggle.

  What can I say, you're stuck.

  If you stay with your religion, it may be slim pickin's to none. Or you could settle for someone patently unsuitable and have a miserable marriage.

  Or you can take risks and meet someone truly beautiful and decide to work out your differences. There are a fair number of inactive brothers on the board here, but very few want to go back.
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  mrsjones5

  I married a "worldly" guy, celebrate the holidays, and stay as far away from the truth/lie as possible...

  No problem here

  Josie
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  sweetface2233

  Regardless of your religious beliefs, JW or otherwise, you seem very preoccupied to find a significant other. Why can't you just enjoy your life as it is now? Enjoy being single and coming and going as you please. Enjoy your friends and being able to spend time w/ them whenever and wherever you want. Focus on your career, traveling, meeting new people, and experiencing the life you currently have. Men can smell neediness like dogs can smell fear. As soon as you are comfortable w/ yourself, as you are, you will find that the right guy will come along to complement, not complete you.
• 

  -Tank

  sweetface2233 gives some great, sound advice here. Just live your life right now and enjoy what your doing. Have some fun, focus on your career and whatever strikes your fancy. I had to learn myself that, you need to be happy with yourself, and like yourself first, before you can think about taking on a relationship. You are at a major fork in the road in your lifetime, and you need to decide which direction you want to travel. This way, as sweetface2233 said, you will find someone to complement you, not complete you. You have a PM believerNYCgirl.
• 

  5go

  I have to say I wonder if some of these know what they are walking into before the post here.
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  mrsjones5

  I have to say I wonder if some of these know what they are walking into before the post here.

  I think it's a case of not doing a wee bit of research before posting but considering where some are coming from should it be surprising?
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  journey-on

  Welcome to JWD. Here's my take:

  YOU'RE RIDING THE FENCE. Sh*t or get off the pot (as "they" say). Do two things:

  #1 Research totally and completely and without fear the WTB&TS. Read Crisis of Conscience and do a thorough examination

  of the whole business. "Make sure of all things" is the advice right out of the Scriptures.

  #2 After your thorough search and research, either get active and stay active again, or (and this is what I predict you will do)

  discard the whole JW dogma and get on with your real Life.

  Good Luck.......(it's really okay to say that, you know).
• 

  Frequent_Fader_Miles

  If you're inactive, you're not really being a JW in the true sense. As was said earlier ... you're sitting on the fence between JW and "the world".

  Perhaps it would be helpful for you to do some serious soul searching and decide what you truly want ... to be a JW, or not. If you wish to remain a JW, then be prepared to accept the inevitable ... slim pickings in the relationship department (as you already acknowledged).
• 

  Bourne

  Hi NYCgirl,

  Wow! I can REALLY relate to how you feel. However, I have probably been questioning the JW doctrine more than you, it seems. That said, for the sake of still having a GREAT family that is still "in" and aware of many of my concerns & being understanding about it, I am still struggling about what path to take. This religion is all I have ever know, and, like you, I still find "worldly" holidays distasteful.

  And add to that concern, trying to raise children (I have none) with a future mate boggles my mind. Like me, you will have to find someone like yourself: someone that understands the past history of being a JW....and THEN, go through the dating process to see if you are even compatible with that person (butterflies, as you call it).

  Honestly, I am grateful in ways to have been raised a JW....with some downsides. The upside is never smoking, trying drugs, no child support or STDs. The downside is social awkwardness and playing catchup to everyone else as regards to understanding and being able to "read" people successfully (trustworthy or not,etc.).

  In short, I would reevaluate & "make sure" of what you have been taught, and if then, you still want to at least find a "drifter" like yourself, make sure you are on the same page on things because, IMHO, you can STILL live in a "divided household" even while BOTH being "inactive believers", regardless of how much you "believe". You could be comfortable (like myself) with being "inactive" but still avoiding holidays,smoking,incessant patriotism and such, while letting the "no-no"s such as the blood issue and voting slide, but THEN, one day, your husband decides to get "active" again and now you have to deal with the "truth" being his number one priority instead of you. Believe me, I have had experience with this.

  I admit, it's a hard thing to find....what we are individually looking for. Just decide what YOU want & the rest will follow.

  Bourne
• 

  VoidEater

  stuck in an unhappy relationship lacking unity

  Finding a guy that is "in" is no guarentee of the unity you seek. As with ANY potential mate, you must discuss things in detail to see if you're compatible.

  The problem, of course, is that even if he's "in" he may have ideas that DON'T conform. Maybe he likes oral sex. Maybe you two would disagree on how much blood is "too much" to take in a medical procedure. Maybe you have different ideas about how much education is acceptable.

  I think you have as much chance of finding unity inside or outside the organization. In both cases you need to talk things out and make some discoveries and work towards some agreements on issues. You may surprise yourself just how many "worldly" people have morals and concerns, as if they were brought up very well.