hard to find "in" relationship while inactive (page 3)

-Tank

Not ALL worldly people are distasteful.

I am a "wordly" person as it is called, and I am guilty of being a workaholic, that's it. I do not smoke, drink, party it up, go clubbing, and what have you. I do not believe in lieing to other people. I was raised with respect, morals and values. I treat others and there belongings, exactly the same way I wish for me and my things to be treated.

I am just a roughneck, but, I was raised a good one.

The point I am trying to make is, not EVERY "worldly" person is bad. The only thing one can do is try to meet people, people in general, not necessarily a specific type of person at first. There are alot of opinions on this board, not only here, but everywhere you go. The only thing you can really do, is decide what you want, find out what it is you need to do to get there, and start making your way.

My only advice to that is, decide what is best, for you. Do not decide something your family, friends, co-workers want or push you to decide. You have to do what is best for you. You are a responsible mature woman, if you take your time, I know you'll succeed and do great.

sass_my_frass

Good luck with that one. Obviously you already know that everything is about you.

Ayla

I think there are probably a ton of "drifters" as you refer to yourself. I just think a lot of drifters and "Ex-JWs" are in their own little worlds trying to find their way. I both suffer from and desire isolation a good bit myself. Wonder if that could be true of others? In any case, I'm honestly surprised that no solid Ex-JW dating site has been established. Then again, maybe many feel like me sometimes - can two wrongs make a right? Another problem I could perceive in dating Ex-JW is how much anger and bitterness you will find on websites like this. While I have chosen to leave the org, I really have no interest in sitting around wailing about it for years on end. For one, I have beloved family members who still are. I respect them dearly though I don't agree with them.

I was raised in but left around 18-20 YO (am now 45). I still can't get my life together with regard to interpersonal relationships with men. Even though I was way out of the org I still couldn't make it work with an absolutely terrific man I dated for several years. Like us all, he had his share of flaws, but he would have made a terrific husband & father. We began to fight over all the "what ifs" of our future - kids, holidays, etc. He wanted things from me I couldn't give. For example, like many on this board, you'll find they leave the JWs but never attach to another religion nor find it comfortable & fun to do all the holidays, etc. That's true for me too. My research into other religions only showed me that they are all nutty ... just a matter of degree and popularity. As for holidays, when I have celebrated them I felt clumsy, disinterested and fraudulent ... not joyful. My ex-boyfriend wanted me to promise "never ever to become a JW again" (that's a direct quote). While that was certainly my intention ... I wasn't about to turn over my newfound free mind to yet another jackass trying to control me. But, in short, I gave up a perfectly good man because I just couldn't fit into his world. I guess I could have forced myself to but having lived my childhood forcing something ... I just wanted to live my life on my own terms. So far, that has equated to being mostly man-less.

The irony of all our fighting over the kids, future, etc? Neither of us has had children! I think I might well be unable to have children and I don't know why he and his wife were not able to have kids. But my point is this: don't waste a lot of energy worrying about a bunch of stuff that might or might not happen. I could laugh (or cry) when I think about how many hours we wasted fighting over how to raise the kids. WHAT KIDS?!?!?! For the love of Pete!

I guess I am saying to you that you have serious choices ahead of you. All my JW family members are for the most part single and some of them are married to trolls. I'm sorry - but there are simply not a lot of interesting, intelligent, physically attractive singles at the KH. All of my beautiful young nieces have no suitable boys to choose from and they are all dating so-called "worldly" guys. Very nice, regular guys. It pains me to watch these precious girls going through some of the same fighting and anxiety I did all those years ago. I am reluctant to advise them one way or the other because a person's choices should be their own --- well-considered and executed at one own's hand.

I wish you the best whatever choices you make for yourself.

mrsjones5

Welcome to the board Ayla. Yeah there's alot of whinning here but tell me where there isn't whinning. Think of this place as a sound board, some place to let off steam just as you have done in your very first post. Felt good didn't it? Glad you were able to let it out.

Josie

DJK

It seems NYCgirl has been frightened away.

Welcome to the forum Ayla.

llbh

Hi Ayla,

Welcome here, there is some moaning goes on here - sometimes understandably so - if ti helps the person, it helps. You will find a lot of helpful and warm people here to.

i hope enjoy yourself here to

Regards llbh

Ayla

Thanks for the welcomes.

I mis-spoke - I honestly don't mind some whining and moaning. I think most of us have ample reason and need to! I should have used a different word b/c the people I want to avoid are the venomous, anti-JW haters. It seems some people I've found on the internet are now spending as much energy hating JWs as they once spent in field service. I can see their points of view, I just don't enjoy it and it almost seems as if they are still trapped by the religion but just from another position. I get the anger - I really do - but I would not enjoy having that as a constant in a mate. I was trying to convey that I would be very interested in meeting an ex-JW man so long as he's put some of the anger and venom behind him in the past.

Far be it for me to find others "wrong" - I am just speaking to my own desires and limitations. Does that make any sense?

llbh

Hi Ayla,

Read around here and you will find we are an eclectic bunch here

,I did not take your post as a vent, but if you want to vent do. If you want to have a little fun play werewolf which starts within the next 24 hours i think (we only have 1 time zone in the UK). I never get the hang of the time zones. i will bttt after this post.

I agree the constant living in thepast can be a pain

Regards llbh

hard to find "in" relationship while inactive

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