Bizarre conversations

by RebelWife 23 Replies latest social relationships

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  RebelWife

  Sweetface2233, I see what you mean, but that's just thinking out loud and eventually getting around to an answer. Annoying, maybe, but not unusual. What I'm talking about is when they don't ever get around to an answer and what they do say is not even related to the question. I have run into this occasionally with other people, but not consistently.

  When my husband gets really defensive and says something about not giving the "right" answer or answering "the way I want" him to, I have to wonder who in his past gave him such a hard time. There's almost never any tension in the air preceding this, so I don't see that it's related to me. It seems very much like a response to someone else.

  Maybe it's being preoccupied and only half listening and then panicking because he's been conditioned by someone that there'll be hell to pay if he doesn't answer. And then transferring his annoyance with this person/these people to me.

  He doesn't like to talk about his past and doesn't remember a lot of it, so he gets frustrated if I poke around too much.

  Jim_TX, maybe it is just the person. I just wish I knew why. Well, not really. What I really want to know is how to deal with it or make it stop. Good luck, right?

  Here's another one: We can be talking about maybe having dinner with Couple X. I might say she's thinking about dying her hair purple. Hubs says, "Who?" Or I ask if he let Pet X out, but I say "her," and he asks which animal I'm talking about. (Uh, the other two are male.) In all fairness, though, people do that all the time.

  It tends to make me be 'silent' a lot - alone with my thoughts.

  Whatever do you mean?
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  hillbilly

  ok..its a man thing

  something about Venus and Mars if I remember right.........

  ~Hill
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  DT

  It's like my husband heard a totally different question.

  I don't know what is going on, but that could be a possibility. It is my opinion that women have a richer emotional context in their language. Studies indicate that women use fewer words than men, but use more vocal inflections to give their words a greater range of meanings. This can be very confusing for a guy. We realise that the same words or phrases can have different meanings in different situations. We try hard to pick up on the emotional context, but we aren't very good at distinguishing subtleties. If there is tension in the voice, we will probably pick it up, but may completely misinterpret the cause of the tension. If he is acting defensively, that may be how he feels. If he uses a neutral voice, he may be trying not to contribute to the tension that he perceives, but this may make it hard for you to understand how he is really feeling. Unfortunately, it's easy for this type of situation to snowball and lead to greater confusion. Of course, him being a dub doesn't help either and could also be contributing to this situation.
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  VoidEater

  Not being able to answer a simple question - and instead giving roundabout insights on information related to the question - may be related to dissociation events and borderline personality disorder. It's a way of compartmentalizing thoughts that interferes with interacting with the outside world.

  People in this state are entirely bound up in their own spinning thoughts, and interacting with an internal "model" of the world outside - external stimulus can impact their internal obsession, but they frequently mis-hear questions and have trouble focusing on what is actually being said to them.

  This reinforces a self-absorption that places blame for miscommunications on all other parties, displaying an inability to take responsibliity for their own preoccupation and lack of being engaged with the external world.
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  Jim_TX

  It tends to make me be 'silent' a lot - alone with my thoughts.

  Whatever do you mean?

  What I mean by that is... well... sometimes it ain't worth it to get into conversations with someone if they are always raising the volume of their voice (another thing she does). I'd rather just be silent and think my thoughts.

  Regards,

  Jim TX
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  carla

  I dunno, could be the person or even a gender thing. All I know is, this is definitely a change in my husband since becoming a jw. The kids and in-laws have noticed too. His mind is always on the 'kingdom' maybe?
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  RebelWife

  Jim_TX, I was being sarcastic. Sorry. I know exactly what you mean. Yes, alone.
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  Amber Rose

  For instance, if I ask if he needs me to pick up some more Tums, I won't get a yes or no. I might get something like an explanation of what Tums do for him. He just starts on some long-winded "explanation" sort of answer to a yes or no question. When I re-ask the question, he starts getting angry, especially if I say it's just a simple yes or no that I'm looking for. Sometimes I'll say, "So that's a yes?"

  Yep, sounds like me and my husband. I don't think it has anything to do with being a JW. Drew wasn't raised a dub, nor were his parents, and his dad does exactly the same thing. I think it's because he wasn't paying attention to what I asked him and is trying not to get caught. He heard maybe one or two words and knows it was in the from of a question so the more that he says about the subject, the more likely he will be to give the proper answer to the unkown question asked.
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  JWdaughter

  You guys! This is a human thing. We relate differently. My husband asks me a question and I say "yes" or "no" and he impugns from my brevity that I am mad. "Do you need anything at the store?" he asks. "Nope" I say. Well, thats not enough! He wants details of how I don't need milk, or confirmation that we have bread in the freezer--If he wanted to know if we have milk/bread-he can look or ask! But he wants me to read his mind. Which brings me to his bizarre comments. He is talking about something he saw on Tv. He goes into the fact that he disagrees, and thinks the guy is an idiot. Well, he never let me know what he is talking about from the get go! He watched a show or heard one, tells me the last half of his disagreement with something and I am supposed to not only AGREE with ??? but know what he is mad about. All I get was, "he's such an asshole-don't you agree?" Which is bad enough, cause I don't usually agree when I know, but "I" take offence at calling people 'assholes' and 'idiots' simply because I disagree with them. And definitely when HE disagrees with them:)
  
  Anyway, I think this is just about communication. JWs do have some trouble keeping OT though, and like to pussyfoot around issues. Maybe they get in a pussyfooting rut? (That sounds messed up somehow)
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  daytona27

  My ex did that a lot too. She answered what she thought I was asking instead of simply listening and answering according to the words I spoke. I would have to say, "listen to the words I'm speaking...there is no hidden motive or hidden questioning here". She couldn't grasp that. She thought she had to always find the hidden meaning in everything when there wasn't any and answer accordingly.